Day 407- Study

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study the Desteni materials. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and resent being a student due to my relationship to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study how to be successful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study those who have come before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and egotistical in not studying and not applying myself to research and implement the knowledge and understanding of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study what others have gone out of their way to suffer and challenge and conquer to bring forward to all to share in books, recordings, ect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at studying the way I look at school as studying for a test where the goal is to get done with a test and be done and forget it all and it's all a waste of time and effort. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my very purpose to study and be a student and always be learning and applying what I learn as my purpose to learn what really it means to be my best and to give what is best in each moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out in relationship to studying again as if there is a test anymore as if I am in school anymore and need to study for a test to pass the test and be deemed ready to move on to the next test and then next grade and then get a paper at the end and forget everything that I learnt and read entirely. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life more difficult due to not studying others and so isolating without gaining the insight of others and so now having to work very hard and extensive hours because I did not study and discover how to make and generate money as some others have who have been outspoken whom I could have studied. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study those who have walked process and shared their process in either blogs and in articles and in general writing and discussion where I have again in arrogance desired and sought to make a name for myself and my ego and be better and not need to stand together and so study and learn from another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not studying in believing I am special that I have a special unique process beyond what anyone can relate to and in doing and believing so made my life more difficult due to having to face undue consequences and spend additional time that could have been streamlined through effective studying. 

I redefine to study as to spend time reviewing and downloading information from others through reading and listening to their words to serve me in then taking their experiences into my own life and living to save me the trouble of further conflict and suffering and allow me to have more to give to others through streamlining then my process and life for myself and for then everyone equally. 

I commit myself to study everyday. 

I commit myself to study the Journey to life blogs. 

I commit myself to study the Desteni material. 

I commit myself to study books. 

I commit myself to study others who have had success in business. 

When and as I see myself feeling stressed out in relationship to studying and wanting to go instead to play a game or watch an entertaining video, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I must correct my relationship to studying and learning which I shut down in relationship to school, and show to myself that that time is over that I am redefining what it means to grow and learn and study for myself and thus my daughter and for all that I meet in my life, thus, I commit myself to schedule times everyday to study the Desteni material, read books, read the blogs, study the words of those who are successful in business and in sales. 

Day 406- Winner of the 'raze'

 I was reading CJTL and he talked about blogging. 

I thought to myself that blogging is not enough and more action needs to be taken in the world. 

I realized that this was a assumption on my part because I realize the blogging part is more so just the recorded part and of course any one person might be doing a multitude of things in their life/day to express their change within themselves in the world/environment around them.  

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to destroy blogging because I have judged it as no longer what I or anyone else should be doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that I should not be blogging because I see other people I look up to not doing it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make blogging about what others are or aren't doing in relationship to it instead of standing for the point within myself of the value I see unconditionally in it and that it simply is me sharing what I ought to be doing each day regardless so that it is not me only writing for myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I blog and people see more clearly who I am and where I am that I won't be in a position to be deceiving or clever or manipulate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear blogging as compromising me within the system because when I blog I see the best as to be totally transparent of who I am and where I am to my utmost appropriate ability within reason to do so. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge blogging as conflicting with my current relationship to the system and my current goals within the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self destruct my own blog wanting to raze my own writings in hell out of judgement and hatred. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tarnish my own writing out of judgement of my own writing that I never had a good thing to say and that this vessel of my journal of my life and process is nothing but something to be made a mockery of and is too kind and too considerate of myself to give to myself to share such a thing that abject torture of myself and destruction of myself burning myself down to the flesh is the appropriate maneuver in my mind at the time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had an old life and a current life where I view my writing as my old life as if I am not constantly reminded each day I am here now in the same body with the same predicament and the same mind and behaviors and patterns as when I began bridging my very first day of writing as being no different than today. 

I commit myself to blog regardless of how it makes me seem within the system to share myself. 

When and as I see myself angry at myself for sharing my blog judging it as compromising me within the system to be able to sell/share other things where I want to present myself as flawless, I stop, I breathe, I realize that showing my heart and earnestly does not have to conflict with me being able to present to others in the system the multitude of tools of which I myself use and represent and become than ambassador of. 

I commit myself to share ALL of the tools of which I have realized beneficial to my process. 

I commit myself to be an ambassador of the tools of which I use. 

I commit myself to be sincere of how I got to where I am through blogging through sharing where I do not need to hide who I am and where I am to become successful. 

Day 405- Exercise

I have been getting more consistent with my exercising than I ever have before. 

I have been seeing great benefits to exercising regularly. 

I see why I haven't exercised in the past as consistently, for one due to the forming of my relationship to exercise through my father, and then later in life taking my health and good shape from being young for granted as if to say I learnt the value of exercise on a not direct level, where I was guided to exercise with my dad but didn't clearly have spelled out and established with myself the value of exercise. 

Exercise has been a big obstacle for me I'm glad to be becoming consistent with it and have certain exercises I enjoy and want to keep and maintain that relationship to exercise. 

...

SF/SC:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not exercise when I do not feel the energy drive to exercise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in an unhealthy cycle of not moving myself to exercise because I do not fee the energy drive to do so, and because I do not exercise enough I do not have the best energy generation in my body that comes with healthy good cycles within the systems of the flesh through regular exercise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lazy for not exercising more in my lifetime to the point that I have chubby belly. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a chubby belly and being lazy when becoming chubby and seeing myself slowing down and becoming harder of breath going up stairs is what made me realize the need to maintain regular exercise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent myself for becoming chubby because I would like to be strong and powerful and effective and so I can be competitive but when I am a little chubby and need to focus on taking care of myself I can only see myself and my relationship to myself which may ultimately be the point to realize. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people in good shape as better than people not in good shape and who have become fat or chubby. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only value my shape in relationship to others when I don't care about my relationship with myself and my body only how I judge it in comparison to other bodies. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not exercise because when I am in good shape and health my process and life smooths over more and I am more effective in all aspects. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to exercise when I do not feel like exercising and in this I am living and defining exercise as something that I do when I feel like it and am not willing and directing myself and letting my health and life be controlled by feelings that are not based on reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my shape and health be defined by feelings based on that which is memories and programming imprinted within me from a young age from a body that was growing and different to that body I have now as a grown up. 

When and as I see myself not feeling like exercising when I need to get my regular exercise, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I need to define and shape for myself what shape my life and my body is as I move myself to create my life and my body through the physical activities I do, or don't do, thus, I commit myself to exercise even when in my mind I do not feel like I am driven or feeling like exercising. 

I commit myself to do a simple exercise everyday. 

I commit myself to get my cardio vascular exercise regularly. 

I commit myself to make exercising fun for me. (like playing basketball which is my favorite exercise. )

Day 404 - Microwaves

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating from a micro wave being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating from microwaves causing cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves causing food to be irradiated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves sucking all the nutrients out of food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that food I eat after being microwaved is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional reaction in relationship to microwaved food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that microwaves are deceptive due to being too easy that there must be some secret evil catch to microwaves that cooking food shouldn't be so easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves instead of doing research on them.

When and as I see myself fearing microwaves causing cancer and being bad for you to use for cooking your food, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am reacting and judging the very food I eat instead of trusting my body to tell me and give me feedback on the quality of the food I eat, thus, I commit myself to do research on microwaves to see how they really work instead of promoting fear through paranoia and distrust of microwaves. 

Day 403- Self Sabotage

 I want to self sabotage. 

I want to just ruin everything, to just be able to go to sleep and not have the stress of the work I must do and the things required of me. 

I want to forget my responsibilities. 

The stress and the weight of what must be done feels overwhelming like it's not worth it.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire out of my responsibilities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to embrace my selfishness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self interests as energy as ego as separation is the best interest of who I really am outside of the separation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate just to sleep as I did when I was young without the awareness or concern or things that I cannot unsee or undermine or forget in sobriety. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be locked away kept from the things I must do by force. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent the responsibility believing that I could ever have a life of freedom to indulge in my self interest still not seeing and standing equal to the point that my self interest is to do what is best and what is best serves me and my interest best so I am in shock that what is best is so unpleasurable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent the reality of my responsibility in this life being devoid of pleasure of which I would prefer in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be mentally ill unable to recognize my responsibility my capability and so unable to take the actions of correction and able to remain unaware and unconcerned of what I must do and what I have committed myself to do and what is best to do as the labor of the physical at hand each day. 

I commit myself to fight each day and each breath to maintain and support and nurture the life and Oppurtunites I have to be grateful and not throw everything away in delusional spite and an idea of self interest that does not reflect my real interest. 

I redefine self interest as the interest that best serves me as self as life as all life as equal and one with all life. 

Day 402- selfish

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in my self interest as a mind system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ac tin my self interest as life as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the interest of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time on things that distract me from my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from my process with breathing from a point of separation as energy to keep me totally distracted and delusional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up in the crowd and say what needs to be said and brought awareness too out of cowerdness as self interest to protect myself and my ego from scrutiny

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted from having more impact in my process and being more effective for myself and others. 

I commit myself to act in the interest of other people and not just myself.

I commit myself to challenge myself to do more with each day I have alive.

I commit myself to walk my process everyday as the best thing I can do to become more effective. 

Day 401- Street Fighter 6

 I don't have the hardware of the computer, or the Xbox or PlayStation that could handle such a game, but this game was released recently and has caught my attention quite a bit. 

I had just gotten to the point where I was done playing my card game and regaining my focus in my life/business/process/career/family and then this game was released and although I cannot play it myself I have been watching other people play it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get invested in another video game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to buy the hardware needed to play this specific video game due to the high computer power needed for it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become interested in another game instead of wholly and totally committing my time and energy to my process has I have been just on the brink of recently being totally focused on process and nothing else but my work and relationship every day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self honest that to have fallen so much into video games and distractions and falling in different ways in my process has shown that I was not as close to this goal of total application and discipline as I had imagined and projected myself as being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complicate my process with such force and energy and strictness that I don't simply pace myself reasonably to allow myself to briefly watch people play street fighter between bouts of getting work and process and responsibilities done each day. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in this all or nothing mentality where I am either totally discipline and never falling to habits or distractions that I inevitably fall into habits and distractions by placing such rigidness and judgment and force over my relation to perfection and discipline and pride of being great and flawless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus on my career, income, relationships, process and simply accept that when I have pushed myself to a certain degree often times I feel energetically as if I have hit a wall and moving to try to force myself against that resistance is different than transcending the resistance so there isn't necessarily anything to gain from forcing myself and depriving myself from having a moment of rest and relief after working and applying myself sufficiently in a day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge watching people play street fighter as bad as selfish as wasteful and not effective time  use as abuse, when it could be supportive to take a brief break after working hard more so to pace myself out and ultimately come out further in the long run then running myself down without enjoying an occasional hobby or time to reset my engine. 

When and as I see myself as judging myself as bad if I stop applying myself as hard and forcedly as possible in my process, I stop, I breathe, I realize that taking a break to do something that always me to tune out a little and have some breathing room to step back for a moment can theoretically be useful and judging anything I am doing as good or bad will just result in some kind of energetic ego conflict complications some how, thus, I commit myself to utilize something like watching people play street fighter as a good break where I am not compelled to pour hours of time into it as HearthStone but am invested enough that I enjoy it as a kind of hobby to be involved with as a means of taking a reasonable break throughout the day.