Desteni.org
I find myself stuck having to constantly in every breathe face the point of breathing.
It's like the only way I know how to idle is to play games or watch some kind of entertainment where I'll be really so zoned out that I do seem to pretty much idle without much awareness or direction in breathing.
So then any other time I basically have so much moving perceptually or in my mind that I just have to create stability in breathing in focusing on breathing and in that breathing directing everything that comes up in me.
It seems empowering a lot of the time, because with the correction statements in self forgiveness being based around stopping and breathing, I do that constantly so it's supportive, but then I'm stuck with energies through my mind which do the opposite of making everything a little more difficult.
Breathing and not participating with stuff in the mind just focusing on if I think about something then it should be something I'm planning to do or something that's immediately relevant or if I'm writing I'll think of what I'll write out,
so breathing, not going into the mind, and then self forgiveness, and then other commitments and things to work on in living and application, it all seems to just unfold.
There's things that cannot be faced just by stopping and breathing and focusing on being practical because there's things that are layered in such language and programming that you need to put them into words and write out those words.
In my relationship to breathing I've even created a lot of personality where my personality is like I don't care if I'm mean to x, or I don't care if I'm being selfish to x, I don't care if I'm being inconsiderate to x, I don't care if I'm not doing enough for x, it's like all I care about is to manage all this energy that comes up in me while breathing, because it's the only thing I feel and I really feel it constantly it's all consuming unless I'm playing video games or watching something on tv do I even tone it down a little because I'm in a trance like a dream.
So, the breathing personality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into total greed that all I care about is my own breathing stability and if nothing moves within me that upsets me for being rude or mean then I don't care.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the personality that the only thing that matters is me breathing and creating peace within myself through breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame things that distract me from my breathing as being bad.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame environment that make it difficult for me to breathe like being at work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care whatsoever about the consquences of my actions as everything I care about comes back to me in a breathe of self intrest only caring about the success and thriving of me breathign here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about my responsability outside of myself because I don't want to face anything outside of myself until I'm stable in my breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give a shit if I'm being self honest as everything that matters to me in my breathe personality is creating the perfect breathing application to not have to participate in the mind and just breathe fluidly and perfectly constantly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a mockery of self forgiveness because I care so little about antyhing but my immidete satifaction in breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to possess myself in relationship to breathing to focus only on breathe and what does or doesn't move in breathe to not even notice when I do something that is consquencial for myself or someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me managing my breathe as more imporanat than doing anything else where if me managing myself here in breathing is too hard then I'll just give up on everything else and play games not paying attention to anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally ignore every word coming out of someones mouth as they speak to me while I'm totally inward focusing on nothing but my breathing not even bothering to pay attention to other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care and focus my efforts more then just my breathing when things get really out of hand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I'm flawed within my relationship to breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus entirely on breathing and not on self forgivenss creating an endless cycle where in my personality all that mattered is the breathing part but I'm creating massive consquences in my real life and even in my mind because I wasn't writing and just breathing like that was the only relevant part to process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind create the personality which acted as if breathing was the only relevant key to process where if I tried to question that I could just focus more intensly on breathing so that breathe was the beggning and end of my entire life for a while even though it wasn't even stable healthy breathing but crazy mental erradic breathes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior like all I have to do is write things out and then focus on my breathing making my process really easy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write things out in self forgiveness that was beyond my awareness of if they were relevant or mattered or was compelte nonsese because all that I cared about was to perfect my breathign and know that self forgivenss is a part of self perfection so tried to collide the two together very often just to see if anything chemically like a chemical reaction some how inside of me and my being would occur.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify everything I've done in the past 6 years of my life as being a consquence of my breathign personality and who would ever even think to look at a breathing personality how could I have caught myself becoming that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that there's no consquences for me taking drugs because I can just override the consquences through breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to image there's no consquences for the relationships I create because I can just override any consquences in my relationships magically by breathing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having an entire sort of personality based around breathing and still being poor at breathing where my breathing is still strung out and energetic and all over the place most of the time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus all my living word efforts into breathing because I don't want to have to focus on anything that isn't breathing or writing self forgivenss so just again threw everything at the wall to see if anything would stick so I can mantain my breathe personality which came above anything else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify every single thing of consquence up to this point in my life as just a part of my breathing just an neccisary in and out breathe of consquences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that breathing gives me super senses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the only reaosn I can adress my sour relationship to breathing is because I've been feeling so stable and capable in relationship to breathing the past week.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if my breathing hadn't stabalized the past week that I'd still be writing non sense not caring anything of self honesty or best for life so long as I kept reaching for my internal glory in breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like breathing perfection trumps all else in process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into total obsession over breathing when my breathing is off pace and doesn't feel right like that's holding back my process and needs attentino more then writing out whatever point might be making it happen creating that cycle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define breathing as the most important part of process at all times because it makes me feel invincible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everything on breatheing where if I fall in a point it's because I wasn't focused on breathing and wasn't breathing properly and most effectively.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for progress in my process in breathe where I'll write things out and do things with no self honesty or awareness only strictly looking to my breathe to make decesions and see how things are going.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tamper and mess with my breathing like it's more imporant to my process then writing things out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my entire process on a feeling within breathing within my body.
When and as I see myself compromising self honesty and self awarness of my acceptance and allowance to just focus on my breathing and not have to look into anything else, I stop, I breathe, I realize that process is a combination of everything mind, body, and being, thus, I commit myself to when compromisng my self honesty to just acheive within breathe to slow down and know that just focusing on breathe cuts my awareness of other importnat things in my life.
I commit myself to take all things of my living into consideration and not just my breathing application.
