Day 428- Doing only what feels good

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate towards what offers the most pleasant stimulation or sensation in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only act on my feeling that I enjoy or prefer as personality of which I cannot explain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act on principle of establishing what is best and doing it regardless of the feeling that does or does not come with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that who I really am as in my absolute reality in this moment I can see in my body how I have been living as acting on self interest as feeling has actually created the inverse where I have no connection within my body and am actually suffering proving that the feeling itself is irrelevant and just a point of distraction missing the point of substance where feeling comes from anyways.

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to not do what feels good as a principle as aligning with what is best and then feeling good about doing what is best where I can trust the feeling as it is aligned with the actual best action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned feelings for myself to this extent either enduring or suppressing never looking at the reality and nature of feeling and sensation as who I am and how to align the point as myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things very difficult more than they need to be to lure myself into the trap and temptation of pursuing feelings over all else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted on what feels good as mind consciousness feel good that developing feeling as a living word is very difficult because of how much I have imbedded feeling as consciousness within myself in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself 21 days to focus entirely on doing what is best only and not permitting feeling to indulgence any of my decisions or actions and see who I am and my relation to myself by that 21 day period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my very process by a feeling and experience sensation and so devaluing who I am as living word and devaluing who I am as created by word and navigating by word and communicating by word where you cannot structure yourself or support yourself merely off of feeling.

I commit myself to attempt a 21 day challenge of acting entirely off of principle of what is best and never acting according to a feeling be it positive or negative. 

When and as I see myself anxious that I would immediately fail at such a challenge, I stop, I breathe, I realize that finding out how quickly I would fail when deprive of feeling as a directive is actually a good reference to see where I am at in self honesty, thus, I commit myself to attempt this 21 day challenge even if it is filled to the brim with constant and ceaseless failure. 

Day 427- living heartbeat

 Heart.

I am trying to live a specific word in a specific way in a specific reason.

In doing so something unrelated opened up. 

Pushing one living word actually pushed forward another word simultaneously. 

Heart.

It seems easy to live the word heart. 

Just like breath.

Yet I've found myself judging it, stopping, and not caring to live the word heart, to live like breath as the heart in each moment.

What happened that I held back my heart? Like one would hold back a breath?

...

To prove it is so simple. 

I'll stop for a moment with star, to write about heart.

...

No fancy words, nothing complicated, no sybmolism. 

Heart, as in heart beat.

Heartbeat

living heartbeat

...

Until it is done.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped being here as breath and as my own heart beat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how much more effective I am i as here as my heart beat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my heart by not being here as breath and as heartbeat despite seeing and realizing that I could do so and it would be simple and free and supportive and best for all of life, yet I stopped and forgot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry to see my weakness that I would realize something is best as to be here as my own heart and yet stop standing as my heartbeat directing and living the word heartbeat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I have been living in reality in a point of delusion where I was not living as the beat of my own heart in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not being here as my heart and instead being elsewhere where life is abused and I am not here to intervene on the behalf of life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a single moment pass where I commit abuse by not beating my own heart.

When and as I see myself not being here with and as my heart, living the word heartbeat, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am abusing myself when I am not here in every living capacity I can be to stop my mind fully in every dimension possible, thus, I commit myself to be here as my heartbeat not only feeling it but directing it in each breath in each moment never missing a single beat.