Day 112- Infinity

I like to imagine looking into my entire future, looking at my entire past, and deciding that everything is OK, whatever well or did happen, everything will be OK, one breathe at a time.

I don't just imagine this idea, I know within me, that it is real.

Nothing to fear, but fear itself.

To live in each moment as each breathe in perfection, is something that is developed over time through self forgiveness and self commitment/application, but the end point is phenonmenal, and requires no money, no one to tell you where it is or what it looks like, it's already there.

The final destination, the Desteni nation.

What it's about is me, as one individual, for Infinity, who will I be?

If I lived the life I have now created for Infinity, what would I regret the most?

Not having risen higer.

Not having driven harder.

That's what I believe I would regret, but what I feel like I really would regret for real, is not having enjoied the ride.

'Enjoy the ride, you've bought the ticket.'

I bought the ticket.

I'm here, I'm unusual, and I'm so close to where I'd like to be.

I've been saying that for years; 'I'm so close'

'I'm so close', tomorrow, tonight, in a few minutes, I'll be where I always wish I could have been, and will never let go.

For Infinity, always being so close, yet so far to where I would like to be.

So close to heaven, so close to peace within myself.

I know it's not true, it's always in my face, reality is always in my face, saying don't tell yourself you're something you aren't.

Believe something for Infinity, and it's as real as anything else, real but not equal in substance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to stand for anything that will not stand for Infinity. As the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to choose to fail and fall within deception from reality, when if I can realize reality, I can realize illusion equally.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that illusion will always be available.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to fall back on illusion when reality becomes to grim, because I don't believe I'm strong enough.

What the magician does is real, it's the mind that creates the illusion, the illusion is that the rabbit dissapears, but it is really stuffed into a hat, and probably isn't very happy being stuffed into a hat, that's where reality becomes grim, the rabbit is trapped not disappeared, but if you believe it's gone, you're not much help to the rabbit.

If I lived for Infinity, I would feel like I regret not having done enough with my life. Playing a lot of video games, and passing time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear passing time for Infinity, when there is a reason I do so.

What can I do?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my true potential of who I can be in each breathe, as living and creating in time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view certain events or tasks that I don't like as road blocks in my quest to live as standing with the phsycisl as infinity.

I forgivd myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize road blocks as part of standing in  separation from Infinity as the phsycisl.

If I need to eat food to live, but am anerxic, it's only a matter of time before the resistance through pain and suffering becomes too great that I must give in.

It's all a matter of time.

It's not a complicated matter, just a matter of how long will many people suffer in dirt, so a few can suffer in an ivory tower.

Because everyone is suffering.

Some people are too blinded to see they are suffering, so they don't see the suffering of other's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live an infinity of suffering, because I'm not willing to face my own pain in self honesty, thus will face no one else's as equal to myself, and thus will make excuses for why I can only do so much.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to excuse myself as only being able to do so much for other's, because I can only do so much for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for other's because I make excuses for myself.

Everything comes back around in Infinity, as the physical plane, so everything is a reflection.

What will I reflect?

Something so close, yet so far.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect separation into Infinity, when separation is not who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reflect time into Infinity, when time is not who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loosing everything I've worked for in Infinity, when eventually I will have to, to have is to lose, when faced with equality as the physical infinite plane.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dying before I can do something good in my world.

I commit myself to breathe as if this breathe is infinite, as if each breathe were infinite, where I would not stand for infite pain or pleasure, just abiding in occrdance with the physical, as oneness and equality.