Day 114- Breathing for Fun

Breathing should be the most basic and simple human task, the very first task every human being is given.

Today I realized that I breathe differently when there is not much happening in my life.

I find myself willing myself and pushing myself to breathe more when there is stress and anxiety and things to worry about.

When everything is 'normal', and repetitive, I become complacent, as represented in my indifference to applying myself within my breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to breathe in self direction though self awareness as breathe only when I have something to move past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not apply myself within breathe when I have nothing to directly apply myself within.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as being a living being which always has a way and a reason to apply myself within breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only apply myself within breathe when I'm under pressure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in not applying myself as breathing when I'm not under pressure, attract pressure and anxiety to my world, as thus creating a reason and purpose to breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my reason and purpose within self movement as breathing to be getting past anxiety and stress and worry.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a narrow sighted vision of what I can be and accomplish through breathe.

What can I be in breathe?

I could have fun?

That would be nice.

Have fun at work, at school, while writing, while eating, while driving.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have fun in each breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my breathing to getting past certain obstacles, with no direction, except to wait for more problems to get past in breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for more problems to give me a reason to breathe in self movement and self awareness, when I could give myself instead the direction and assertion to have fun, instead of waiting for more problems to arise.

This is very uncharted territory because I'm so used to always having huge overlayed stress and anxiety and some big scary thing orbiting me, but lately everything seems to be more perfect and aligned then ever, so in turn my breathing is part of my awareness, thus part of how I've become aware of what's happened.

I love games, I love enjoying and creating and all while simultaneously working and doing good things and supportive things, having fun is like the topping on the cake. It's another layer to things.

Why and how I have lived a life that has been me just surviving, where through self awareness as breathe I am able to identify how my life has consisted of me just getting past emotion anxieties related to certain people or events, just to walk right into another stress or worry or anxiety the next moment or day.

So I want to embrace a new purpose, once I've gotten past all the stress and anxiety, as I have been feeling lately, I can just have fun, and to stay that way I need to investigate more into how things like that come about, when my purpose is to get past anxiety and stress, only to create even more of it, making fun something that I find only through separation as binging or getting high, having fun only when I can truly forget my self inflicted pain.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself not having or finding a purpose within my breathe, because I cannot find any stress or anxiety that stands out enough for me to breathe through and direct, as I realize myself as always wanting to improve and direct myself to my fullest extent at all times, and so give to myself the new purpose of having fun as the directive principle when I don't have anxiety or stress to breathe through.

I have a lot of experience
with trying to create and manipulate and abuse through breathing and it's relationship to the mind and energy and all kinds of things, but through this self forgiveness in breaking down things in self honesty and self realization, I can actually comprehensively see how I might apply this idea of having fun for real.

And if not, that's how you learn, so I will try to breathe for fun when I'm not breathing to support myself during stress and anxiety.

See how it goes.