Day 149- My Five Words; Firm

I received the reading of my beingness signature, it said I have 5 words I'm suppose to work on which will be supportive for me in my process.

Firm

Assertive

Direct

Depth

Stability

In my head, these words make sense for me personally in what I'm trying to accomplish short term within my process.

Starting with firm.

I'm not living as firmly as I'd like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on being firm within myself in how I direct myself in each breathe when things get overwhelming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel forced to be firm instead of directing myself within my breathing as the word firm as principle without resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on my mind and personality of fear instead of the firmness of my conviction as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my progression within myself within the word firm when I fear I'm progressing too fast, and don't trust that my progression within myself is legitimate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm and directive within myself in each breathe when I'm nervous and uncertain about how things will work out for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be frim within myself because I don't want to face my reality, as I realize if I remain firm I can come to an answer and conclusion to my conflict.

I identify deeply with these words because they reflect what I'm working on in my process, which is breathing, directing myself as breathe, when something comes up within me, to be able to evaluate it within breathe, if I need to do this tomorrow, or I forgot to do that today, I evaluate how to proceed, then act out my decision, most of everything else is just there to boggle me, to complicate the simplicity of breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain firm when I'm faced with too much, as I realize, even writting right now, I'm facing 5 or 6 diffrent things which I could identify as misalignment's I couldn't face them all in self forgiveness, while I'm literally doing self forgiveness, that would become erratic, if I even were to try to spend several hours to face everything popping up within me, more would pop up, and it could never be finished, everything has to be returned to and elaborated on in time, so, I breathe, and in that breathe I'm directing myself within this realization in real time, I can only do so much.

I lose my train of thought sometimes, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself within my discretion as breathe as being firm when my train of thought runs out, as being firm that I'm not my thoughts, my thoughts run out of juice, but I remain stable and moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain firm when faced with points within me I cannot immediately handle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotionally reacting as being sad or upset that I have to sit here and be firm when im being hit with points coming up within me that are out of immediate reach for whatever reason.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to need a push start from my mind to be firm with myself when I have to mentally command myself to be firm and directive within my breathing.

I don't need a push start, I can be more firm and directive within myself than that.

When I wake up, and I'm not feeling it, sometimes I need several hours to really start directing myself in that firm stable self direction, and even then it doesn't always get off the ground, I'm just waiting for something to push me to become firm and directive.

Even in just writting this one word, I'm finding all the other words sneaking in, being firm, direct, assertive, stable within my breathing and moving myself.

Depth has been a hidden word, but I can see it now.

It's not just being assertive, stable, firm, assertive, there's a depth to it all, layers and dimensions, movement and energy, diffrent points all over my body and my general expression, there's a depth to my breathe, to how I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm with myself in my self direction in my breathing when I fear how long until a point returns, why be firm when I can only hold it back for so long, what if I'm not ready to face this point?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm and directive within each breathe when the depths from beneath the ground open up, and I'm faced with something that appears to need immediate attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go limp within my breathing and directing myself when faced with something needing immediate attention, where I withdraw.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm within myself when I fear that I'm too weak to face what needs my immediate attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain firm within my breathing and directing myself when I've been caught off guard.

I'm firm when I have control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm within my direction and breathing when I've lost control.

Control

My strength comes from not being in control.

My strength comes from not being perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when I've gone mad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm within myself when my illusion has been revealed, and the truth is realized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when I feel powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when it feels like everything is coming to an end.

The end of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when I have to fight.

Trying to accomplish something, an agenda, a moteranda

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when I feel guilt for how I've impacted others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when faced with death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm when I need one last hit.

When and as I see myself not living the word firm as I've redefined it, I stop, I breathe, I realize I must participate and direct myself as a living being, and so must define and create myself within word, as I commit myself to realize and live my new defenition of firmness, without supplement, and without compromise.

Alone