Day 165- Slow Down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself forward without slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel vulnerable when I slow down, but when I slow down I can take things one breathe at a time as things occur.

When I go fast, I'm trying to deal with situations that may or may not happen tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define slowing down as ruining my forward momentum.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to take things on as they occur, instead of trying to solve problems that probably don't exist.

If I slow down right now, I see that nothing matters, I'm just sleepy.

That's my dimension, I'm existing in the dimension of being sleepy, but I didn't know that because I was going too fast.

Sleepy means I need to slow down and let things occur naturally, it means there's nothing to rush into, if there was something really important to do, I wouldn't be sleepy.

When and as I see myself holding myself within the expression of going fast, I stop, I breathe, I realize eventually I'm going to have to slow down so I must realize if slowing down is how I should direct and move myself as seeing what I'm rushing into and if rushing is really the best approach, thusly, I commit myself to realize and act on slowing down more often, because more often than not rushing through life isn't leading me down the direction I'd like for myself.

I couldn't think of anything to write about, which happens sometimes, but this time I realized this urgency this need to figure something out right this moment.

So I slow down, and in slowing down I see something very important about how I'm living.

I don't let things occur naturally within myself, I always have to force a natural rhythm and pattern in my life, I don't let things unfold naturally without force control and resistance.

Fear

I see fear

Where's the fire?

Where's the urgency?

It's coming from my head.

It's all about getting things done, but not about actually doing the thing.

In slowing down I can see things happening in real time,

Sleepy is being tired, I'm tired of everything in my life.

I'm discontent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let everything that moves within me as being separated within my relationship to everything build up into energy, where I'm worn out and tired because I'm so exhausted within my relationship to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive this conflict within me as undefeatable, as I realize it is undefeatable as long as I keep participating within it.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tire myself out energetically by constantly creating energetic conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn everything into a conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and not pay attention to when things are going well, because I've become predisposed as seeing everything as a conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow down and stop being so conflicted over everything.

A conflict is a misalignment of things moving and fucntioning naturally, and I've become unnatural in my state of being, so everything is misaligned, and everything is a conflict, and even slowing down doesn't really change anything for real.

How can I broadly address the conflict within myself when it's all encompassing?

That's a starting point of seeing that everything is in conflict within me, addressing my relationship to conflict on the surface as a starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my misalignment within myself and turn them into as defining them as a conflict.

A conflict can be like a fight.

Just because things are misaligned doesn't mean I have to rush to react and to fight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resolve my conflicts by fighting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define fighting as the ultimate form of conflict solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to prove my worth by fighting all of the conflict within myself, but even without reading into it at all, fighting my own conflict, doesn't even make sense, and I don't even need to explain that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not teach myself properly how to resolve conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from my conflicts instead of learning from them and improving within my living and application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace and accept that conflict is part of existence, everything will never perfectly fit together in every way conceivable.

I commit myself to learn how to resolve conflict within myself.

When and as I see myself faced with conflict within myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize sometimes conflict can be seen and directed when it's clear and on the surface, and some conflict brews under the surface just out of reach, but I realize all conflict needs to be addressed and resolved because I can't run away forever, thusly, I commit myself to start taking steps in dealing with the inner conflicts within me instead of just trying to out run them, as I realize I'm postponing the time until they catch up to me and will be worse than ever.