Day 188- The Point I Can Activate

I'm still working on the point of energy moving all over inside of me in each breathe.

One thing that is interesting is that I can activate this point and move it around with my mind at any time.

I can't make myself automatically feel any feeling or emotion, but this point is maybe rooted deeply in my own imagination, because imagination is the only thing that I can similarly activate and move around in such a similar way.

Because I wouldn't even go to say there is am energy moving around within me, but that's what the experience is, it could be imaginary energy and then seems real because of how I respond to it and participate with it like an imaginary friend.

I was laying down and paying attention to the experience and it was like it was contained, like it was in limbo, and I realized I should try to make it activate because I know how to do that because I designed it consciencely and directly.

So then I wondered about how I can directly activate any thought or imagination or thinking, but the key is with a thought for example I can just breathe and not participate when the thought comes up, or if I needed to directly think about something then I could do that deliberately.

This energy movement experience I can't stop by just breathing, but my goal is to keep doing self forgiveness until I can in a single breathe stop this energy misalignment within myself.

So saying I'm not making any progress because of how much worse I can make it if I consciencely try to activate it isn't necessarily very accurate because I can be very good at directing myself to breathe and not obsess over thoughts when they come up, but if I wanted to make myself have many thoughts it would be easy.

So one big relevant point I realize now is that in my mind I'm seeking for a place to settle in, I feel nervous and unstable without a precise point to cling onto within my mind, like I'm suspended without something to grasp onto within my conscience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate this conscience platform for me to interact with instead of just investigating the physical with breathe and realizing how I can take his need for something to be working with in each breathe and apply it to the physical where it can actually be given purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I would never find bearings within myself to express myself and move myself as the physical so instead created a supplemental experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define moving my conscienceness to physical awareness as being just a matter of occupying my mind instead of realizing how it actually represents change where for example I'm no longer creating this energy in my mind instead I would be applying that force within myself as a physical expression of myself on each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take all this misalignment crud moving around in my mind and applying that force and energy as myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the living of self forgiveness in each breathe where I'm living my word of self forgiveness as a self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to stop this energy moving within me instead of forgiving it and taking it back to myself to be changed into a self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the potential of taking all this force and energy and applying it within myself as my body as my physical standing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to mentally control and direct myself to stop this point because I don't trust myself to take it back to physical standing as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to tell when I'm standing one and equal to this point or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control this point when I want to see that I'm standing as one and equal to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in a position where I have no reliable physical reference point because I've completely integrated my mind as conscienceness without physical awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to consciencely stand one and equal to this point as the physical instead of physically moving myself to do so as an expression of my understanding and power as the physical.

When and as I see myself lingering in my mind looking for somewhere to settle, I stop, I breathe, I realize myself as being able to take this tugging and disorientation within myself and standing equal and one to it as a physical expression, thusly, I commit myself to take my relationship to this energy moving within me and change my relationship to it within myself to that of me standing as the physical in relationship to it where I can forgive this point as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take self responsibility for my conscience because I define it as very tedious, because being conscience is tedious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take self responsibility for my conciseness because it's tedious to do so as I realize not taking self responsibility as even more tedious, but I don't have to make any direct effort to just be not responsibility for my consciences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for everything to come from a deep part of me where I don't have to acknowledge and deal with what I've created through my own conciseness.

When and as I see myself not seeing putting the effort into taking back my consciencess and standing as one and equal to it as the physical as being worth the effort, I stop, I breathe, I realize it is worth the effort because it makes my life better and easier and allows me to one day be the person I'd like to be, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe take my conciseness back to my self as the physical as awareness as living the forgiveness and understanding that it's worth the effort and seeing how I've judged the word 'effort' within not wanting to put in effort where it would support me and make things easier.

Right now I think I have the perfect breathing and self movement pattern going for me, so now I have to see if I have taken the point of moving myself as energy experience within each breathe and am living my forgiveness as changing that force into a physical living force of change through forgiveness, or I could be time looping where I've always gone into different mental relationships to breathing and this could be that again, I just don't know, a lot of the stuff I've been writing about in the last month or so, I can't even put into words and don't want to bother trying to explain it to myself I just know there's something off and I just need to put in into self forgiveness.

I commit myself to reset myself right now, so I can come back to my next writing and start over from scratch, forget about any progress or accumulation and just make sense of what I have on my hands for what it's worth.