Day 190- Experience of Accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to accomplish something within each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let my breathe speak for itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as needing to be accomplishing something within myself in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what am I accomplishing?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to force more of myself as to be moving my process forward in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing myself at a stand still where I experience myself progressing within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my process by a single experience of progression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my process as my entire existence and everything I am and experience and create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of progressing within my process in each breathe because I don't want to face that it's all just a matter of the time I invest in writing and speaking self forgiveness and that I cannot progress any more then what I've realized and established and forgiven for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate the constant push and pull within myself in each breathe that I define me cleansing or clearing myself or coming to be as I realize it's based on the premise that I comprehend what my process is and what exactly I should look like and then me trying to mold myself only that image within my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I have an infallible perception of what I should be within my process and how to become it when I'm learning and changing everything within myself on almost a daily basis where my idea of my process becomes not relevant to me living and expressing my actual process as that i realize and live and forgive.

It goes back then to the question of what should I be doing in each breathe, and at this point for a lot of those physiologically confounding questions I realize I can rely on things to come out naturally to be revealed to me, where as long as each day I maintain my regimen of self forgiveness i don't really need to think much into things I don't understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the question of what should I be doing in each breathe confound me when if I just let go and consider it might as well just be a thought in my head I'm allowing to become cancerous I'd realize the best thing I could do is to let go and forgive move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my ego with the idea of feeling accomplished and feeling like I'm achieving something in ever breathe I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my ego by piling everything into the question of how to be in each breathe and in doing so take all of my attention out of each breathe and into energy and experience of process and progress within it.

In looking to be in each breathe I ironically then accomplish the opposite, in trying to make it into a meditative focus energy thing.

It's a contradiction so let me try to see where I stand in stopping and changing from here.

When and as I see myself trying to accomplish anything within any breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize trying to accomplish something within my breathing takes me out if my breathe and so is counter intuitive, thusly, I commit myself to not try to accomplish anything within my breathing as an experience of energy or movement which I then define as process and progress but instead just focus on supporting myself to continue walking through my life and my day to day so I can let myself progress and process for real in my self forgiveness where i can actually change and move Myself and come into existence
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete without the feeling of accomplishment in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what direction to take myself within in each breathe and each moment without a sense of accomplishment for direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by accomplishment and not by myself as what I realize is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over directing myself within each breathe to the point that I'm better of not even bothering just to work with something more natural then me forcing direction and accomplishment onto myself constantly.