Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Day 204- Rushing Towards Death
Thinking
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to thinking my way through each day when I know that i can express and move myself better without having to think about things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as not smart enough to be able to navigate and move myself with less thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I'm having no other way to replace my thinking within myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself harder by taking my thinking back to myself as reducing, trimming, and perfecting my thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize other parts of my mind to think about things, as I see that thining words in my head and having constant discussion in my head would be better replaced by anything else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use thinking to control things in my life that don't matter.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bog my fluidity with thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave so many unresolved issues within myself that I try to think to resolve them.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think because I'm not realizing my ultimate potential, and clearing my thinking out so I can reassert myself without thinking in my head constantly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel burdened by my own thinking instead of accepting that I've taught myself to think my way through life and have limited myself within this.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit what I'm capable of expressing as myself when I'm busy thinking.
When and as I see myself limiting myself within thinking, I stop, I breathe, I realize I can express myself better any time im thinking, thusly, I commit myself to express myself better anytime I find myself thinking as I realize even if i need to think to plan out my day that I can always take my thinking more back to myself to perfect the thinking that I need to do to plan my life and make decisions, while eliminating all together the thinking that I do not require in any way and would be better without.
Patience/Rushing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as patient when really I don't see myself as very patient I think I just power though things apposed to being patient.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to power through things in my life with force when I could just be patient.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drain myself physically by putting so much mental energy into powering through certain things in my life when I could have lived the word patience instead of exerting force and energy from my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I'm patient without being self honesty as I realize in self honesty I power throuh the things that bore me apposed to standing one and equal to the things that bore me or that require me to let go until the time arrives.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to power though boredom when instead I should be standing one and equal to boredom as walking out boredom in self forgiveness, and then from there instead of separating myself further from boredom by powering through boredom I could apply my power to focusing on breathing and the tasks at hand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burn myself out powering through many different times and events in my life when I could instead be patient and not spend energy powering through things to then instead spend my energy on expressing myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the feeling of powering through things as I realize this feeling is not me actually walking though things it's me rushing things which leads me to miss things which leads me to have a bad time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things because I don't want to face myself and my relationship to the things I wish to rush through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of rushing through things as I realize that although I fear the consequences of rushing through things when I'd like to be in the moment and not rush through things and can see the damage rushing is doing to me, but when I decide to rush through things and find myself impatient I'd do anything to stop the feeling of boredom and impatience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking out my boredom and impatience because I'd be left alone with myself, as I see when I'm with someone else I don't find myself as bored or impatient.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through moments of being alone with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush moments alone with myself because I don't find myself exciting as others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get burnt out with myself and seek others to excite me as i realize other's will become burnt out to me as well, as I realize it's not that I'm boring or exciting as a person it's that how I'm approaching myself as being alone with myself is from my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as needing companionship from other's as I realize this companionship is just me rushing through moments of being alone with myself.
So with things one and equal, I want to rush through being alone with myself even with I'm with someone else, because since everyone's equal as life, me being with someone is me being alone with myself, in theory, and from what I'm seeing here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush towards death as I realize there's nothing else to rush towards in terms of energetically rushing to not be here with myself, the only things to rush through to not be here with my own body is in death.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather die then walk out my mind and walk into living as my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a chance as walking out my life in patience here with my body in each moment, as I realize my body is disposable and can be disposed of when I die so I need to walk with my body until death and do all that I can with my life while I have it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from taking the leap from rushing to patience as being here with my body walking out change in self forgiveness apposed to rushing as my mind as destroying my body and pushing me nearer to death.
When and as I see myself fearing being here with my body in patience, I stop, I breathe, I realize there is no choice except in the mind to rush through moments instead of sinking into the moment as each moment as aware of myself as life in each moment, thusly, I commit myself to blank myself out completely when I fear taking the lead into patience as self awareness as I realize I don't need to think about the decision, I don't need to even be aware of the decision because there's only a decision
to not be with reality and the physical in my mind so in cutting that out the decision is already made.
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