Day 264- fulfillment through friends

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by adding friends to my collection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a special accessory as a special friend who would fulfill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek friends to complete me instead of learning from friends and interacting and learning about relationships instead of using friends to complete my identity of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who has friends to make myself feel better where friend's can't do much for each other when me or my friend I'd not taking care of themselves first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for using friends to complete me where I didn't really care about my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make friends where I wasn't comfortable around other's and wanted to make myself comfortable by making friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make friends where I felt incomplete alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make friends where I wish I had just kept to myself, where I compromise my integrity to make myself feel complete where I felt I was not complete without friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to play with friends where I wish I had instead kept to myself and had developed myself where i wasted my time with friends as an accessory and distraction just like any other entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having focused more on self improvement where I could have used friends as a form of self improvement but instead try to entertain my friends do I can hold onto them and keep them as friends by keeping them happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my integrity by trying to keep other's entertained and being fun and making people laugh where I wish i hadn't bothered and just seen that a relationship where I have to compromise myself isn't worth it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wasting my time with friends, where I would have and did waste more time doing other things like playing games or watching TV.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for wasting time on compromising relationships where keeping other's entertained and seeking others to fulfill me is an obvious problem in retrospect but how I felt unfulfilled to begin with and would spend even more time just wasting away playing games and watching TV is more focused on me as the real problem but I don't see how wasting away not doing anything was a problem at the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by never looking into my future or caring what I would do with my life or what i needed to do to prepare myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not planning into my future where I needed guidance and couldn't have online at the time that my future was completely uncertain and at risk of being destroyed in any number of ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous around my friends where I knew I wasn't really expressing myself the way I'd like to and knew I wasn't happy about my relationship to my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to feel like I'm at a dead end when I used to spend time with my friends just to try to keep them when I would then go on just to seek out new friends where none of it ever mattered and I never looked to myself to see what I was trying to accomplish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for wasting my time trying to achieve something through friendship where my interactions with friends taught me more about myself then playing games or watching TV, so the fact that I persecute mysel
f for spending time with other people just because I'm unsure of my motives is off when I would waste more time watching TV and games and accomplish much less where I wasn't even going out and seeing real people.

I forgive mysekf that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for getting myself entwined in other people's lives and affairs where it's better then not going out at all and not seeing other people and what other's are going through.

When and as I see myself judging myself for wasting time on relationships which I only compromised myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize even if I compromised myself to keep my relationships in tact it is better then not having gone out at all and not having learnt more about the world and the propel who live in it, thus, when i see myself compromising myself in relationship to other's to see how it's better to not be out in the world at all, and to then look at who would I be if I didn't have others to challenge me, where I know it's food that I've been challenged.