Day 305- persistent

Investigate desteni.org

Persistent

I get this ease come over me, like thus is a victory lap like, persistent, I'm persistent I got there I'm killing it.

Trying to be more persistent writing doing self forviness.

Yet, I'm not persistent in every way I'd like to be, I haven't put in the time yet.

I see this pride like I figured this word out and didn't even have to focus on it, when I did focus on it, when I was doing my breatheing technique I was very persistent, persistent in keeping my work ethic coming in doing my job even when I was exhausted, keeping at my self forviness over the past year every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud within arrogance where I'm not happy with how I'm living persistence I'd rather get better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I'm expressing persistence not in full self movement but in being fed up.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I'm living persistence because I'm fed up, fed up with my way not getting me anywhere, fed up with doing self forgiveness but not getting anywhere because I wasn't doing enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nokh Express persistence when I have had enough of the crap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not truly love and see the value in persistence until I can't stand dragging my feet and letting things catch up to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live persistence only when things turn into consquenxes when I see I can't keep going this way any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have lived persistence from when I was younger where I never have myself direction so I waited until hings caught up to me until someone would say you need to change you can't keep going this way, but there was no one to tell me that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express persistence from this point of not wanting any more depression or neagticrtiy or illusion instead of actually moving myself within persistence unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what if things get really nice I stop creating all the negativity and positivity and am just chill would I still be persistent if I didn't have a fire under my butt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how in not fully unconditionally expressing persistence but only expression it out of the desire for stability I'm not being as persistent as I'd like, I'm letting lots of things slip under the surface which then once again force me into persistent through consquenxes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be persistent with quitting smoking where I'm doing the self forviness but not taking it into living with persistent waiting for my body to give me another sign that it's time to get persistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be persistent in relationship to getting out of bed on time where I feel nice and sleepy when I wake up and have no urgency no clarity or purpose no fire to move me so why bother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder why my persistence isn't translating to other parts of my life like waking up where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to wake up on time until I'm so angry with myself for wasting so much time of my day that I have to scream and growl like 'no more'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see what's motivating my persistence like competition everyone is doing lots of self forgiveness I need to do more too I'm not good enough I need persistence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persistent to prove myself as coming form already a limited position of devaluation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how my self forgiveness is limited when it's coming from a persistent point of trying to value myself where I'm persistent from a point of mind not an unconditional self movement self given purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persistent when the time calls for it where I need to get things done, and then when things calm down what's the point anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of my persistence where in opening it up here it's no legetimate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize persistence SD a valuable trait not something that I do because I have to where I have to find a made up reason to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to define persistence as something you're forced into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define persistence as something you do out of self intrest for power for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of my persistence where my persistence comes form insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persistent out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persistent as fear of consquenxes like if I don't hustle and get moving now my day will suck tomrrow because all my stress and stuff will catch up to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in being so persistent from a point of fear and insecurity I make just as many poor decesions and problems for myself as ever and then wonder I'm doing well, I'm doing my self forgiveness and giving my life 'my all why is it still catching up to me?' Because I'm not really moving myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be persistent out of energy where I experience my persistence instead of actually moving myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself within persistence instead of exstiguising the fire of energy as persistent and seeing am I still persistent without that fire? And I'm not because I can't even get myself up in the mourning when the fire of my mind is not reinstalled for the day.

When and as I see myself moving within persistence with an energetic experience attached, I stop, I breathe, I realize I need to be moving myself within persistence deleberately unconditionally, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself being persistent because of a fire of flurry of energy and crap I just want to move out of to support myself to actually utilize persistence for real as slowing down stopping the supression and actually moving myself from the position I'm actually in.

I redefine persistence as something where you persist until a goal is reached not because of fear or anxiety but from an agreement where I agree stress is bad let's go to work and not get into it and react to others because I see that's best, let's be persistent to get results not to run away form conswuences.

I commit myself to question the hidden nature of my persistence to question am I moving myself in persistence or am I just hauling ass Because I'm sick of being sick.

I commit myself to question all the words I'm living and see am I really expressing this word unconitinally or do I have secret motives?

....

I want to talk about thinking

I'm seeing that I supress myself to not think.

That's not good because I don't want to supress things because they'll not really be resolved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having opened up this point earlier and seen how much my mind wants to think non stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my thinking instead of actually resolve the discomfort where I don't feel present I feel as though I need to be thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my thinking without considering how I'm not really resolving it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put thinking beneath me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do where I can't supress my thinking but am not in a position where I can be direct and move myself without all the voices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how necrotic my thinking is where I've not paid attention to it and it's like it's bubbling over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge thining as bad instead of figuring out what's going on that my mind needs to always be running some thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always need to be running a constant system within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having even a moment of silence without a constant system running in the background.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I can't function without a system in my mind generating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if I don't have a system running within me that things will just build up and something will snap within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself this way through entertainment where I constantly need to be preoccupied with something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the intensity of just being not having something running in my mind not running my mind through entertainment but just being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I'm actively making the decesion to think and can't take authority over that decesion without attacking myself in supression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how thinking is just surface level stuff and when my mind needs to always be thinking of I let it then what's going on beneath the surface.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what must be occurring beneath the surface constantly within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my thinking telling me what to do like I don't trust myself to tell myself what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to make the real decesion to stop thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to just breathe and to direct myself to breathe instead of to think to no end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I've tricked myself into thinking I've stopped a lot of thinking when it's just being done under the surface hidden from my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unlifting the veil of thinking in stopping the supression and seeing where I really stand in realitionship to thinking.

When and as I see myself fearing the real nature of my thinking, I stop, I breathe, I realize it's better to see my thinking for what it is then to supress it, thus, I commit myself to dorev myself in each breathe to stop thinking for real instead of supressing.

I commit myself to let my thinking show me if I'm supressing it or not by becoming aware of who I am within my thinking in each breathe.