322- 'gotta go fast'

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I feel like a bullet

Like I go really fast

Then I see with that I'm pretty impulsive and don't think about things

Like I'll have point coming up within me and I'll 'boom boom boom', and then SF and deal with it even if in my head, and then another point.... And then ok, 'boom boom boom', SF take it out, got it all under control... Then another one comes up...

Then it's like... When does this stop??

It's fun though, it took a while but I really do think I've crafted a good sort of basket for myself within my life and process that I can just enjoy things and keep moving myself, to bask in it all, all my basic needs covered, all my bases covered.

Sometimes if I get a little stuck I have lots of people I can talk to... and easy access to just whatever perspective is already out there on the forum, EQAFE, Journey to life blogs.

I like to share SF and Desteni with people and I think that's a good skill for me because I think when I get to know someone they get me, and know where I'm coming from and know that I just am coming from a good place, but I've also dealt a lot with the pitfalls in that of being a savior and having some power over other's and that's irrelevant because it just creates consequences so stop creating consequences and stop doing things that are coming from a point of separation that creates consequences mathematical.

I got some hobbies some plans for school maybe, idk, it's all pretty chill just live my mom having a grand old time...

Desteni at some point is going to have to pick up more people doing SF participating, I want to keep being really open and transparent and sharing myself because I think that's comforting for people who are new to Desteni and that's what I wish I to have when I was just getting into things it was comforting to be able to just read about someone else having a problem and seeing them openly sharing about it and then writing out the problem and that's the whole thing on earth is to just write out all the problems.

I think part of my gotta go fast is like... Desteni's going to pick up, let's stop fooling around let's get moving gotta get ready...

That's sort of based on yesterday where I was thinking about the future and about how I see utopia coming through desteni, and it's the same principle from yesterday I'm going to fast, I'm getting ahead of myself, I don't need to be able to support anyone else all I want from myself is to be transparent be clear what I'm walking and making it clear to see...

That's all I need to do from myself at the moment...

So within that there's no rush I'm already doing that, nothing else works, I tested it, there's nothing else I'm not going to bother with anything else it's just SF SC, everything else is a place holder until the real deal starts with self forgiveness and self correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to fast that I can't slow down and see what i'm creating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go so fast my whole like that just today I sit down and look back and think, that just happened pretty fast that I've created my whole life up to this point without any awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I can look back and see a total lack of awaraeness quickly moving myself to take what's convenient and in front of me without any attention to what I'm living and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself breathe by breathe to see what exactly I'm creating within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to slow down and see what I'm creating see if I'm creating to my best potential see what moves me what motivates me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself to relate back to myself what I'm creating and why when I look to other's where other's cant' attest to me and what I've created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the awareness in each breathe of who am I, what am I creating, what moves me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the fastness within my life where I'm always racing to get through alway quickly taking whatever is convientant without question of what it is representing and creating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the expirence of moving fast, quickly making deceesions, quickly assuming, quickly taking what's easiest path for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself impulsively to take what I want where I expierence myself quickly moving out of my condition and into another condition.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to realize in quickly trying to get a quick fix for my problems in impulse and lack of consideration of consquenes I just immidtely walk into a new set of problems over laid over my prior set of problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the self repospansability of just slowing down seeing what I'm participating in creating, what are the consquenes, don't just impulsively drag myself down into another pit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what my life has come to after my whole life being reflected in who I am in a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that who I am within what I've created of my whole life is right in front of me in a single breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this extreme uncalled for velosity within myself wherein I suffer my way through time pushing forward in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take this inirita and turn it around into slowing down stop pushing my way through time but just move myself breathe by breathe everything will come natrually I don't need to dominate myself it's problematic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through time waiting for something intresting to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through time waiting for something to stimulate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through time in fear and panic.

When and as I see myself rushing through time quickly and impulstively moving myself not moving myself slowly and deleberately breathe by breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize in moving myself fast I can feel that pressure on my heart the fear the urgency, thus, I commit myself to shift myself from creating myself impulsively skipping breathes to taking on each breathe and everything that comes up in breathe as my full responsibility to not be rushed through.

I commit myself to in each breathe put as much effort as I can into slowing down my velocity before I give myself a heart attack from going too fast not slowing down not brining awarness to msyelf and what i'm creating, where I can quickly create massive consquenes for myself if I don't slow down and be aware of what I'm creating in each breathe not moving so fast that I skip many many breathes and put pressure on other parts of my body.