Day 366- Too little too late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do as little as possible in terms of walking the Desteni material.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of shock and denial that there's no possible way I could be that arrogant and that deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give up in saying 'I placed this bet, and I've lost everything for it, so why keep playing'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish violence on myself going into such a deep state of regret and remorse yet still seeking a way out to not really face the reality I've manifested.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as tall as I can regardless of how shallow and low I realize I've been over so many years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to give myself another chance because within the narrative even though I see what I've done and what I've created, deep down I've programmed myself this way so much that I still don't want to stand even though I see how desperately I need to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the hardest most difficult path for myself when I did not need to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fight for myself to walk and to stand in real change even where it seems hopeless and too much abuse having occured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be my cure despite how painful and agonizing the treatment will be when it's going to hurt me to change and heal the same way it'll hurt the entire globe and all of humanity equally as all will hurt sometimes when facing real change 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself about everything in this life and process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud that I have faced the deepest trench of myself and my life and am able to actually address it for real for the first time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make special mind games instead of making a special life walking process walking self forgiveness and walking together with others.

I commit myself to fight from the very very bottom where I have found my real domain.

I commit myself to drag myself out of hiding and face the reality I'm allowing to exsist for all of eternity should I not stand and change as all as one and equal.

I commit myself to face the words of others and let the words sting and hurt as that hurt is my ego and my mind beign put into it's place and seeing the disconnect and seeprstion I've allowed from it.

I commit myself to redefine what it really means to be walking process to the fullest with the greatest integrity and effort.