Day 404 - Microwaves

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating from a micro wave being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating from microwaves causing cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves causing food to be irradiated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves sucking all the nutrients out of food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that food I eat after being microwaved is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional reaction in relationship to microwaved food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that microwaves are deceptive due to being too easy that there must be some secret evil catch to microwaves that cooking food shouldn't be so easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear microwaves instead of doing research on them.

When and as I see myself fearing microwaves causing cancer and being bad for you to use for cooking your food, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am reacting and judging the very food I eat instead of trusting my body to tell me and give me feedback on the quality of the food I eat, thus, I commit myself to do research on microwaves to see how they really work instead of promoting fear through paranoia and distrust of microwaves. 

Day 403- Self Sabotage

 I want to self sabotage. 

I want to just ruin everything, to just be able to go to sleep and not have the stress of the work I must do and the things required of me. 

I want to forget my responsibilities. 

The stress and the weight of what must be done feels overwhelming like it's not worth it.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire out of my responsibilities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to embrace my selfishness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my self interests as energy as ego as separation is the best interest of who I really am outside of the separation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate just to sleep as I did when I was young without the awareness or concern or things that I cannot unsee or undermine or forget in sobriety. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be locked away kept from the things I must do by force. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent the responsibility believing that I could ever have a life of freedom to indulge in my self interest still not seeing and standing equal to the point that my self interest is to do what is best and what is best serves me and my interest best so I am in shock that what is best is so unpleasurable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent the reality of my responsibility in this life being devoid of pleasure of which I would prefer in my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be mentally ill unable to recognize my responsibility my capability and so unable to take the actions of correction and able to remain unaware and unconcerned of what I must do and what I have committed myself to do and what is best to do as the labor of the physical at hand each day. 

I commit myself to fight each day and each breath to maintain and support and nurture the life and Oppurtunites I have to be grateful and not throw everything away in delusional spite and an idea of self interest that does not reflect my real interest. 

I redefine self interest as the interest that best serves me as self as life as all life as equal and one with all life. 

Day 402- selfish

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in my self interest as a mind system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ac tin my self interest as life as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the interest of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time on things that distract me from my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from my process with breathing from a point of separation as energy to keep me totally distracted and delusional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up in the crowd and say what needs to be said and brought awareness too out of cowerdness as self interest to protect myself and my ego from scrutiny

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted from having more impact in my process and being more effective for myself and others. 

I commit myself to act in the interest of other people and not just myself.

I commit myself to challenge myself to do more with each day I have alive.

I commit myself to walk my process everyday as the best thing I can do to become more effective. 

Day 401- Street Fighter 6

 I don't have the hardware of the computer, or the Xbox or PlayStation that could handle such a game, but this game was released recently and has caught my attention quite a bit. 

I had just gotten to the point where I was done playing my card game and regaining my focus in my life/business/process/career/family and then this game was released and although I cannot play it myself I have been watching other people play it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get invested in another video game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to buy the hardware needed to play this specific video game due to the high computer power needed for it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become interested in another game instead of wholly and totally committing my time and energy to my process has I have been just on the brink of recently being totally focused on process and nothing else but my work and relationship every day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self honest that to have fallen so much into video games and distractions and falling in different ways in my process has shown that I was not as close to this goal of total application and discipline as I had imagined and projected myself as being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complicate my process with such force and energy and strictness that I don't simply pace myself reasonably to allow myself to briefly watch people play street fighter between bouts of getting work and process and responsibilities done each day. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in this all or nothing mentality where I am either totally discipline and never falling to habits or distractions that I inevitably fall into habits and distractions by placing such rigidness and judgment and force over my relation to perfection and discipline and pride of being great and flawless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus on my career, income, relationships, process and simply accept that when I have pushed myself to a certain degree often times I feel energetically as if I have hit a wall and moving to try to force myself against that resistance is different than transcending the resistance so there isn't necessarily anything to gain from forcing myself and depriving myself from having a moment of rest and relief after working and applying myself sufficiently in a day. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge watching people play street fighter as bad as selfish as wasteful and not effective time  use as abuse, when it could be supportive to take a brief break after working hard more so to pace myself out and ultimately come out further in the long run then running myself down without enjoying an occasional hobby or time to reset my engine. 

When and as I see myself as judging myself as bad if I stop applying myself as hard and forcedly as possible in my process, I stop, I breathe, I realize that taking a break to do something that always me to tune out a little and have some breathing room to step back for a moment can theoretically be useful and judging anything I am doing as good or bad will just result in some kind of energetic ego conflict complications some how, thus, I commit myself to utilize something like watching people play street fighter as a good break where I am not compelled to pour hours of time into it as HearthStone but am invested enough that I enjoy it as a kind of hobby to be involved with as a means of taking a reasonable break throughout the day.