Day 407- Study

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study the Desteni materials. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and resent being a student due to my relationship to school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study how to be successful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study those who have come before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be arrogant and egotistical in not studying and not applying myself to research and implement the knowledge and understanding of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study what others have gone out of their way to suffer and challenge and conquer to bring forward to all to share in books, recordings, ect. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at studying the way I look at school as studying for a test where the goal is to get done with a test and be done and forget it all and it's all a waste of time and effort. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my very purpose to study and be a student and always be learning and applying what I learn as my purpose to learn what really it means to be my best and to give what is best in each moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed out in relationship to studying again as if there is a test anymore as if I am in school anymore and need to study for a test to pass the test and be deemed ready to move on to the next test and then next grade and then get a paper at the end and forget everything that I learnt and read entirely. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life more difficult due to not studying others and so isolating without gaining the insight of others and so now having to work very hard and extensive hours because I did not study and discover how to make and generate money as some others have who have been outspoken whom I could have studied. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study those who have walked process and shared their process in either blogs and in articles and in general writing and discussion where I have again in arrogance desired and sought to make a name for myself and my ego and be better and not need to stand together and so study and learn from another. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not studying in believing I am special that I have a special unique process beyond what anyone can relate to and in doing and believing so made my life more difficult due to having to face undue consequences and spend additional time that could have been streamlined through effective studying. 

I redefine to study as to spend time reviewing and downloading information from others through reading and listening to their words to serve me in then taking their experiences into my own life and living to save me the trouble of further conflict and suffering and allow me to have more to give to others through streamlining then my process and life for myself and for then everyone equally. 

I commit myself to study everyday. 

I commit myself to study the Journey to life blogs. 

I commit myself to study the Desteni material. 

I commit myself to study books. 

I commit myself to study others who have had success in business. 

When and as I see myself feeling stressed out in relationship to studying and wanting to go instead to play a game or watch an entertaining video, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I must correct my relationship to studying and learning which I shut down in relationship to school, and show to myself that that time is over that I am redefining what it means to grow and learn and study for myself and thus my daughter and for all that I meet in my life, thus, I commit myself to schedule times everyday to study the Desteni material, read books, read the blogs, study the words of those who are successful in business and in sales. 

Day 406- Winner of the 'raze'

 I was reading CJTL and he talked about blogging. 

I thought to myself that blogging is not enough and more action needs to be taken in the world. 

I realized that this was a assumption on my part because I realize the blogging part is more so just the recorded part and of course any one person might be doing a multitude of things in their life/day to express their change within themselves in the world/environment around them.  

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to destroy blogging because I have judged it as no longer what I or anyone else should be doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that I should not be blogging because I see other people I look up to not doing it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make blogging about what others are or aren't doing in relationship to it instead of standing for the point within myself of the value I see unconditionally in it and that it simply is me sharing what I ought to be doing each day regardless so that it is not me only writing for myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I blog and people see more clearly who I am and where I am that I won't be in a position to be deceiving or clever or manipulate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear blogging as compromising me within the system because when I blog I see the best as to be totally transparent of who I am and where I am to my utmost appropriate ability within reason to do so. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge blogging as conflicting with my current relationship to the system and my current goals within the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self destruct my own blog wanting to raze my own writings in hell out of judgement and hatred. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tarnish my own writing out of judgement of my own writing that I never had a good thing to say and that this vessel of my journal of my life and process is nothing but something to be made a mockery of and is too kind and too considerate of myself to give to myself to share such a thing that abject torture of myself and destruction of myself burning myself down to the flesh is the appropriate maneuver in my mind at the time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had an old life and a current life where I view my writing as my old life as if I am not constantly reminded each day I am here now in the same body with the same predicament and the same mind and behaviors and patterns as when I began bridging my very first day of writing as being no different than today. 

I commit myself to blog regardless of how it makes me seem within the system to share myself. 

When and as I see myself angry at myself for sharing my blog judging it as compromising me within the system to be able to sell/share other things where I want to present myself as flawless, I stop, I breathe, I realize that showing my heart and earnestly does not have to conflict with me being able to present to others in the system the multitude of tools of which I myself use and represent and become than ambassador of. 

I commit myself to share ALL of the tools of which I have realized beneficial to my process. 

I commit myself to be an ambassador of the tools of which I use. 

I commit myself to be sincere of how I got to where I am through blogging through sharing where I do not need to hide who I am and where I am to become successful.