Day 406- Winner of the 'raze'

 I was reading CJTL and he talked about blogging. 

I thought to myself that blogging is not enough and more action needs to be taken in the world. 

I realized that this was a assumption on my part because I realize the blogging part is more so just the recorded part and of course any one person might be doing a multitude of things in their life/day to express their change within themselves in the world/environment around them.  

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to destroy blogging because I have judged it as no longer what I or anyone else should be doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that I should not be blogging because I see other people I look up to not doing it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make blogging about what others are or aren't doing in relationship to it instead of standing for the point within myself of the value I see unconditionally in it and that it simply is me sharing what I ought to be doing each day regardless so that it is not me only writing for myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I blog and people see more clearly who I am and where I am that I won't be in a position to be deceiving or clever or manipulate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear blogging as compromising me within the system because when I blog I see the best as to be totally transparent of who I am and where I am to my utmost appropriate ability within reason to do so. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge blogging as conflicting with my current relationship to the system and my current goals within the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self destruct my own blog wanting to raze my own writings in hell out of judgement and hatred. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tarnish my own writing out of judgement of my own writing that I never had a good thing to say and that this vessel of my journal of my life and process is nothing but something to be made a mockery of and is too kind and too considerate of myself to give to myself to share such a thing that abject torture of myself and destruction of myself burning myself down to the flesh is the appropriate maneuver in my mind at the time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had an old life and a current life where I view my writing as my old life as if I am not constantly reminded each day I am here now in the same body with the same predicament and the same mind and behaviors and patterns as when I began bridging my very first day of writing as being no different than today. 

I commit myself to blog regardless of how it makes me seem within the system to share myself. 

When and as I see myself angry at myself for sharing my blog judging it as compromising me within the system to be able to sell/share other things where I want to present myself as flawless, I stop, I breathe, I realize that showing my heart and earnestly does not have to conflict with me being able to present to others in the system the multitude of tools of which I myself use and represent and become than ambassador of. 

I commit myself to share ALL of the tools of which I have realized beneficial to my process. 

I commit myself to be an ambassador of the tools of which I use. 

I commit myself to be sincere of how I got to where I am through blogging through sharing where I do not need to hide who I am and where I am to become successful.