Day 431- Actual understanding, seeing.

 Money system is equal to me.

Who am I as changing my living relationship to money?

Politics is equal to me.

Who am I as living politics? 

Language is equal to me.

Who am I as directing myself as my words and supporting/directing others equally as their words and so the words that bind and tie everything together starting as ourselves? 

... 

When will I ever actually take it all back to myself and become certain in who I am as getting to the bottom of myself and this reality, as actually caring for myself as this reality?

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear of being wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Bernard that he must understand everything and direct me upon what to do and how to act, despite him having given the tools and resources that I might discover starting as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see clearly for myself where I see the truth starting as myself and stand and live for that truth every single day until I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as pathetic half measures not seeing things all the way where I am refusing to see starting with myself and questioning starting with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to seeing the truth starting with myself, as seeing what I need to do, seeing who I am as this world, seeing how far I need to go for myself as all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and all others as pathetic as not seeing everything as I myself am afraid to see everything clearly and see the indisputable truth of this process I am walking equally with all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see things in a way that suits me as how I was already living or abusing or not considering serious points within myself as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see the truth starting as myself once I am already in deep shit, in deep pain, in deep mistakes, in deep consequences for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see how committed I must be where it is not a game of energy of up and down reward as that was what fucked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and hold back and refuse to see myself all the way through despite having seen enough of myself and others to have the full pictures of all that is entailed and required of me in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as the most responsible for myself as it as always been me as myself fucking with reality as creating reality inverse in experience in energy in not wanting to see that there is a solution that I must actualize. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see on my behalf that I may not have to walk as far as required or be as diligent as required or do the research to see for myself as much is needed for me.

When and as I see myself struggling and in conflict on what I am seeing in this reality as myself as I see it within myself equal and one, i stop, I breathe, I realize that if I rely on others to see the picture for me and keep feeding me answers and not asking the questions and receiving of myself, then I will never actually stand for what I see and keep deceiving and creating illusion and lying to myself and being spiteful that I see the obvious but want to justify myself as excused as not seeing or not capable of seeing the full picture of what is occurring in this reality as myself, thus, I commit myself to see for myself, to study for myself, to ask for myself, to try for myself, to act for myself, to be responsible for myself and stop expecting others to do what has always been my responsibility. 

I redefine to see, as to direct myself as my I as the one me, to recognize all that is around me as also me equally.

I redefine to see as to take in the information onto myself for me to direct it accordingly to my process of where I am in relation to myself and all that is around me. 

Day 430- I am spiteful

 https://www.desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-11-why-are-we-here-earth?fbclid=IwY2xjawIm5ctleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHbXSdsbxj5tbnGqjMYEocfjf2RWO9fKaP8bhHD0-SB6gTPQhcHcRNPselQ_aem_PEsKMjxNQAT3PrF_0H7EQA

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in refusing to forgive myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a hoice of how I walk my apparent process for my self intrest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have destroyed my reality through spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my spitefullness based on judging others as more or less spiteful to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself in self forgiveness of myself as the most spiteful being who ever exsisted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an idea as judgement picture in my mind that the elite are in fact the most judged as spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I see they are clearly going into spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear destroying myself as life in a final moment of spite as the moment of death where I had not changed despite the fact that it could have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep giving myself the idea that I can make choices or that choice not clearly defined and acted upon as what is best as being the only choice that is ever valid or real.

When and as I see myself struggling and in difficulty and pain due to having made choices that lead to this suffering, I stop, I breathe, I realize that all of my suffering I have ever endured was due to me giving myself an idea of choice, that I should be best to learn from suffering than to simply do what is best for myself and all in one and equal, thus, I commit myself to decide in this moment to remain steadfast moving forward that I reamin here in breath where I can decide what is best for life in each choice wihthout being comproimsed by mind as the spite of, not being here, in spite of the evidence that here is the only thing worth hearing. 

Day 429- Star 15- Electromagnetic radiation

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

Stars produce energy through nuclear fusion. This process creates electromagnetic radiation, including light. 

I am learning about stars. 

I learnt about stars relating to electricity. I put in a long list of words about electricity

 into Techno Tutor.

I did self forgiveness on the word electricity and some things I realized tied

directly into my living of the word electricity. 

Then I redefined the word for myself.

...

Star is a word that represents something to people, and also has a physical cross reference in reality.

There is a lot of science and understanding behind the word star when looking at the celestial body of the star in space. 

Taking on the unique aspects of the word star and then processing them, takes the word back to me, and so back to myself and my living as equal to star. 

There is a lot science to take back to myself and uncover within the word star.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the word star and draw a blank not considering how much science and research and words already exist in relationship to actual celestial bodies as stars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of the word star and just see the four letters that compose it written on a page and not consider and see the entire world and multiple dimensions of what this word represent as what a star really entail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn what a star is from my mind and not from my being from processing and defining the word for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that a star is an entire universe just as I am equally a physical body composed of many pieces all functioning together to make a single being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind I am superior to a star because of my vocabulary where I can create opinions and ideas of myself relative and in separation to others self's as other things I see around me. 

When and as I see myself looking at the word star, and seeing nothing but four letters on a page or screen, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am not taking the symbol back to myself as the entire universe that it represent and I am seeing the world in black and white and void of life, not considering myself equal to all that is, thus, I commit myself to break apart every nuance to the word star over the course of the entire year. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what Electromagnetic radiation is. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what is a star and to redefine each word of interest that I learn for myself so that my learning becomes my living in equality and oneness not just knowledge and information in separation.