Money system is equal to me.
Who am I as changing my living relationship to money?
Politics is equal to me.
Who am I as living politics?
Language is equal to me.
Who am I as directing myself as my words and supporting/directing others equally as their words and so the words that bind and tie everything together starting as ourselves?
...
When will I ever actually take it all back to myself and become certain in who I am as getting to the bottom of myself and this reality, as actually caring for myself as this reality?
...
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear of being wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Bernard that he must understand everything and direct me upon what to do and how to act, despite him having given the tools and resources that I might discover starting as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see clearly for myself where I see the truth starting as myself and stand and live for that truth every single day until I die.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as pathetic half measures not seeing things all the way where I am refusing to see starting with myself and questioning starting with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to seeing the truth starting with myself, as seeing what I need to do, seeing who I am as this world, seeing how far I need to go for myself as all others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and all others as pathetic as not seeing everything as I myself am afraid to see everything clearly and see the indisputable truth of this process I am walking equally with all others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see things in a way that suits me as how I was already living or abusing or not considering serious points within myself as the world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see the truth starting as myself once I am already in deep shit, in deep pain, in deep mistakes, in deep consequences for myself and others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see how committed I must be where it is not a game of energy of up and down reward as that was what fucked me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and hold back and refuse to see myself all the way through despite having seen enough of myself and others to have the full pictures of all that is entailed and required of me in this lifetime.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as the most responsible for myself as it as always been me as myself fucking with reality as creating reality inverse in experience in energy in not wanting to see that there is a solution that I must actualize.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see on my behalf that I may not have to walk as far as required or be as diligent as required or do the research to see for myself as much is needed for me.
When and as I see myself struggling and in conflict on what I am seeing in this reality as myself as I see it within myself equal and one, i stop, I breathe, I realize that if I rely on others to see the picture for me and keep feeding me answers and not asking the questions and receiving of myself, then I will never actually stand for what I see and keep deceiving and creating illusion and lying to myself and being spiteful that I see the obvious but want to justify myself as excused as not seeing or not capable of seeing the full picture of what is occurring in this reality as myself, thus, I commit myself to see for myself, to study for myself, to ask for myself, to try for myself, to act for myself, to be responsible for myself and stop expecting others to do what has always been my responsibility.
I redefine to see, as to direct myself as my I as the one me, to recognize all that is around me as also me equally.
I redefine to see as to take in the information onto myself for me to direct it accordingly to my process of where I am in relation to myself and all that is around me.
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