Day 431- Actual understanding, seeing.

 Money system is equal to me.

Who am I as changing my living relationship to money?

Politics is equal to me.

Who am I as living politics? 

Language is equal to me.

Who am I as directing myself as my words and supporting/directing others equally as their words and so the words that bind and tie everything together starting as ourselves? 

... 

When will I ever actually take it all back to myself and become certain in who I am as getting to the bottom of myself and this reality, as actually caring for myself as this reality?

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my process in fear of being wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame Bernard that he must understand everything and direct me upon what to do and how to act, despite him having given the tools and resources that I might discover starting as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see clearly for myself where I see the truth starting as myself and stand and live for that truth every single day until I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as pathetic half measures not seeing things all the way where I am refusing to see starting with myself and questioning starting with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to seeing the truth starting with myself, as seeing what I need to do, seeing who I am as this world, seeing how far I need to go for myself as all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself and all others as pathetic as not seeing everything as I myself am afraid to see everything clearly and see the indisputable truth of this process I am walking equally with all others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to see things in a way that suits me as how I was already living or abusing or not considering serious points within myself as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be willing to see the truth starting as myself once I am already in deep shit, in deep pain, in deep mistakes, in deep consequences for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to see how committed I must be where it is not a game of energy of up and down reward as that was what fucked me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate and hold back and refuse to see myself all the way through despite having seen enough of myself and others to have the full pictures of all that is entailed and required of me in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as the most responsible for myself as it as always been me as myself fucking with reality as creating reality inverse in experience in energy in not wanting to see that there is a solution that I must actualize. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see on my behalf that I may not have to walk as far as required or be as diligent as required or do the research to see for myself as much is needed for me.

When and as I see myself struggling and in conflict on what I am seeing in this reality as myself as I see it within myself equal and one, i stop, I breathe, I realize that if I rely on others to see the picture for me and keep feeding me answers and not asking the questions and receiving of myself, then I will never actually stand for what I see and keep deceiving and creating illusion and lying to myself and being spiteful that I see the obvious but want to justify myself as excused as not seeing or not capable of seeing the full picture of what is occurring in this reality as myself, thus, I commit myself to see for myself, to study for myself, to ask for myself, to try for myself, to act for myself, to be responsible for myself and stop expecting others to do what has always been my responsibility. 

I redefine to see, as to direct myself as my I as the one me, to recognize all that is around me as also me equally.

I redefine to see as to take in the information onto myself for me to direct it accordingly to my process of where I am in relation to myself and all that is around me. 

Day 430- I am spiteful

 https://www.desteni.org/desteni-material/blog/interviews-farm-11-why-are-we-here-earth?fbclid=IwY2xjawIm5ctleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHbXSdsbxj5tbnGqjMYEocfjf2RWO9fKaP8bhHD0-SB6gTPQhcHcRNPselQ_aem_PEsKMjxNQAT3PrF_0H7EQA

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in refusing to forgive myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a hoice of how I walk my apparent process for my self intrest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have destroyed my reality through spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my spitefullness based on judging others as more or less spiteful to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself in self forgiveness of myself as the most spiteful being who ever exsisted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an idea as judgement picture in my mind that the elite are in fact the most judged as spiteful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others when I see they are clearly going into spitefullness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear destroying myself as life in a final moment of spite as the moment of death where I had not changed despite the fact that it could have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep giving myself the idea that I can make choices or that choice not clearly defined and acted upon as what is best as being the only choice that is ever valid or real.

When and as I see myself struggling and in difficulty and pain due to having made choices that lead to this suffering, I stop, I breathe, I realize that all of my suffering I have ever endured was due to me giving myself an idea of choice, that I should be best to learn from suffering than to simply do what is best for myself and all in one and equal, thus, I commit myself to decide in this moment to remain steadfast moving forward that I reamin here in breath where I can decide what is best for life in each choice wihthout being comproimsed by mind as the spite of, not being here, in spite of the evidence that here is the only thing worth hearing. 

Day 429- Star 15- Electromagnetic radiation

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

Stars produce energy through nuclear fusion. This process creates electromagnetic radiation, including light. 

I am learning about stars. 

I learnt about stars relating to electricity. I put in a long list of words about electricity

 into Techno Tutor.

I did self forgiveness on the word electricity and some things I realized tied

directly into my living of the word electricity. 

Then I redefined the word for myself.

...

Star is a word that represents something to people, and also has a physical cross reference in reality.

There is a lot of science and understanding behind the word star when looking at the celestial body of the star in space. 

Taking on the unique aspects of the word star and then processing them, takes the word back to me, and so back to myself and my living as equal to star. 

There is a lot science to take back to myself and uncover within the word star.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the word star and draw a blank not considering how much science and research and words already exist in relationship to actual celestial bodies as stars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of the word star and just see the four letters that compose it written on a page and not consider and see the entire world and multiple dimensions of what this word represent as what a star really entail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn what a star is from my mind and not from my being from processing and defining the word for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that a star is an entire universe just as I am equally a physical body composed of many pieces all functioning together to make a single being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my mind I am superior to a star because of my vocabulary where I can create opinions and ideas of myself relative and in separation to others self's as other things I see around me. 

When and as I see myself looking at the word star, and seeing nothing but four letters on a page or screen, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am not taking the symbol back to myself as the entire universe that it represent and I am seeing the world in black and white and void of life, not considering myself equal to all that is, thus, I commit myself to break apart every nuance to the word star over the course of the entire year. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what Electromagnetic radiation is. 

I commit myself to educate myself on what is a star and to redefine each word of interest that I learn for myself so that my learning becomes my living in equality and oneness not just knowledge and information in separation. 

Day 428- Doing only what feels good

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate towards what offers the most pleasant stimulation or sensation in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only act on my feeling that I enjoy or prefer as personality of which I cannot explain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act on principle of establishing what is best and doing it regardless of the feeling that does or does not come with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that who I really am as in my absolute reality in this moment I can see in my body how I have been living as acting on self interest as feeling has actually created the inverse where I have no connection within my body and am actually suffering proving that the feeling itself is irrelevant and just a point of distraction missing the point of substance where feeling comes from anyways.

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to not do what feels good as a principle as aligning with what is best and then feeling good about doing what is best where I can trust the feeling as it is aligned with the actual best action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned feelings for myself to this extent either enduring or suppressing never looking at the reality and nature of feeling and sensation as who I am and how to align the point as myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things very difficult more than they need to be to lure myself into the trap and temptation of pursuing feelings over all else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted on what feels good as mind consciousness feel good that developing feeling as a living word is very difficult because of how much I have imbedded feeling as consciousness within myself in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself 21 days to focus entirely on doing what is best only and not permitting feeling to indulgence any of my decisions or actions and see who I am and my relation to myself by that 21 day period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my very process by a feeling and experience sensation and so devaluing who I am as living word and devaluing who I am as created by word and navigating by word and communicating by word where you cannot structure yourself or support yourself merely off of feeling.

I commit myself to attempt a 21 day challenge of acting entirely off of principle of what is best and never acting according to a feeling be it positive or negative. 

When and as I see myself anxious that I would immediately fail at such a challenge, I stop, I breathe, I realize that finding out how quickly I would fail when deprive of feeling as a directive is actually a good reference to see where I am at in self honesty, thus, I commit myself to attempt this 21 day challenge even if it is filled to the brim with constant and ceaseless failure. 

Day 427- living heartbeat

 Heart.

I am trying to live a specific word in a specific way in a specific reason.

In doing so something unrelated opened up. 

Pushing one living word actually pushed forward another word simultaneously. 

Heart.

It seems easy to live the word heart. 

Just like breath.

Yet I've found myself judging it, stopping, and not caring to live the word heart, to live like breath as the heart in each moment.

What happened that I held back my heart? Like one would hold back a breath?

...

To prove it is so simple. 

I'll stop for a moment with star, to write about heart.

...

No fancy words, nothing complicated, no sybmolism. 

Heart, as in heart beat.

Heartbeat

living heartbeat

...

Until it is done.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped being here as breath and as my own heart beat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how much more effective I am i as here as my heart beat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my heart by not being here as breath and as heartbeat despite seeing and realizing that I could do so and it would be simple and free and supportive and best for all of life, yet I stopped and forgot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry to see my weakness that I would realize something is best as to be here as my own heart and yet stop standing as my heartbeat directing and living the word heartbeat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I have been living in reality in a point of delusion where I was not living as the beat of my own heart in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not being here as my heart and instead being elsewhere where life is abused and I am not here to intervene on the behalf of life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a single moment pass where I commit abuse by not beating my own heart.

When and as I see myself not being here with and as my heart, living the word heartbeat, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am abusing myself when I am not here in every living capacity I can be to stop my mind fully in every dimension possible, thus, I commit myself to be here as my heartbeat not only feeling it but directing it in each breath in each moment never missing a single beat.

Day 426- Star part 13, I will be a star

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

...

I will be a star.

It is best that I become a star.

It is best for all of life as one and equal that I birth myself in this life as a star.

I must become a star.

It is inevitable that I will be a star.

...

We will all be str fkrs one day.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a choice that I become a star or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to become a star that shines as what is best for all of life as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past prevent becoming a star in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the brightest star possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not enjoying the process of becoming a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it being improbable that I become a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create comfort within and as myself within the certainty that I will become a star absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there could be potentially obstacles of which I would fall and prevent me from realizing and actualizing myself as a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the idea of my stardom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become a star out of self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others suffer as I have refused to become and stand as a star in certainty.

When and as I see myself fearing my destination of becoming a star being improbable and being sabotaged, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it is only in my mind that I believe or conceive that i will not become a star, thus, I commit myself to stop the consciousness distraction and diminishment of myself as a star.

I commit myself to become a star in absolute certainty in this lifetime. 

Day 425- Star part 12, alcohol

 You're A Star! - Reptilians - Part 466 « EQAFE

...

Tonight I was talking to X. He was drinking some alcohol. Although I recommended to him that it was not best to do that. 

He wanted to share his experiences and everything he had done so far for his life and process over the course of the year with me.

In this instance I decided to have the call with X and be of support for him celebrating his year and what he accomplished even if we both recognized that drinking alcohol in a way diminished what he had done and created through the year.

In this instance I made accommodations to speak with X where I otherwise would not like to be walking with someone who has ingested alcohol since I do not like alcohol on principle. 

X has been so active in using his TT writing his self forgiveness and reading heavens journey and creations journey that I am finding as much as drinking alcohol is step back, he has made great strides and steps forward over this year.

...

One thing that I noticed about X and their expression during our conversations over the video chat, was that normally X had quite a glow about them. 

But that in contrast to that normal appearance I could see that X did not have the same glow that they normally do while intoxicated. 

I had written about redefining star previously in regards to women. 

In this instance I noted that X usually is quite the star, not just in their glow of their expression, but who they are as a musician and in their living creation of themselves in the system. 

It was sad to see X's glow being diminished while they were drinking alcohol.

I will take this back to myself and relate it to instances where I have drank alcohol in the past.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy my glow by drinking alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause myself to erupt internally destroying my ability to effectively shine and create outwards when I drink alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill my star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make dramatic unnecessary consequences for myself when i have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dull myself and my expression and my capacity to live to best potential when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge alcohol with spite and hatred instead of self honestly walking out the problem with alcohol as a substance as how it affects the physical substance without judging it through mental projections of right or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink alcohol to become a star and to say things and be fun with friends where I otherwise in the past had found myself isolated in myself and using alcohol to build connection as expressing what would otherwise be inhibited.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to require alcohol to have a fun time and create enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dimmish my process of becoming a star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol to suppress myself.

When and as I see myself ever again desire to drink alcohol, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in every way as I want to create myself as a star in this lifetime and live the word star, that alcohol will in every way do the opposite as turn me into a black hole preventing me from being born as a star, thus, I commit myself to never drink alcohol for the rest of my life. 

I commit myself to not tolerate alcohol consumption in others.

I commit myself to end alcohol abuse in the system.