The Flop House is my favorite thing on the internet.
It's 3 guys, 2 of which were writers for the Dailyshow whilst Jon Stewart was still the host.
And it's just them talking about a 'bad movie' that they watch together, but they usually stray off topic, and make a lot of inside jokes, and funny references.
It's all off the script, impromptu discussion and jokes and it makes you feel like you're in the room with them.
I think they're from new york, but I can't remember.
3 successful guys coming together every other week for a couple hours to have fun and laugh and discuss a dumb pointless movie (hence the flop part)
Only now in really taking a moment to introspect do I see why I have such an affinity for this podcast.
It's low budget, off the radar, there's no need to act a certain way for some kind of endorsement or sponsor.
It's just 3 guys who already have a living who just enjoy each other's company so much that they want to share it with the world.
They've gone through child birth and divorce, in strides, it's like a time to wash away everything that happened over the past couple of weeks and just reset, have fun.
I think sometimes about how it's sad that I crack up listening to these guys, and I don't even know them or have ever spoken to them, I think it's embarrassing sometimes to feel such comradery for someone or some group of people I have never even met.
It seems lonely.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as pathetic for having to enjoy the company of people without even being with them or knowing them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sad that I'm lacking the intimacy with anyone in my reality, where I can see this is a reflection of my lack of self intimacy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selfish in wanting to have the same friendship and intimacy that they have in the flophouse, as I realize the honor and humility of being able to be happy for someone else, I'm not there with them, they don't know me, but it's my favorite thing on the internet, and I'm just happy that they're happy.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to needing intimacy through another person, be it friendship, or dating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire a quick fix through superficial external relationships, where deep down I know what I want is to be intimate with myself, when I'm in my room alone listening and cracking up like a little kid listening to this podcast, there's no friendship, there's no one else even in the room, there is an external stimuli, but it shows at heart how I'm alone enjoying one the sound of other people through the podcast, but in reality I'm alone enjoying my own company as well.
To me it represents the best friendship I've ever seen, and that's certainly why I'm attracted to these 3 guys and there podcast.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have lost the potential for having the kinds of relationships I see in the Flophouse where I've utilized relationships to manipulate and blame and thus have lost the right to date, to have close intimate friends, yet I'm forgiving myself, I'm earning my way back, I'm giving myself another chance.
I know I could take a lot from having that perfect friendship, that perfect dating relationship, and I know I could have that kind of intimacy with people without having to abuse and manipulate, I commit myself to work my way back to having close mutually respectful and enjoyable friendships where both parties can thrive and gain and create something better in the world.
I commit myself to do whatever it takes to earn back my right to date, my ability to be able to speak and interact with women in a mutual friendly and enjoyable way, where from which I can form a intimate relationship.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to struggle with the realization that self intimacy comes first.
Something can be gained from sharing and learning and being intimate as friends or partners with other's, but self comes first, which makes sense, but make me think, what's the point?
I'm so used to manipulative coarse interpersonal dynamics, that I'm repulsed by the idea of two individuals growing through working and walking and progressing with each other...
It's like who is there to blame when two people work together for real, who is there to hate? What's the point if there's no conflict? No agenda, no interest?
I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself resisting the reality that self intimacy must always come first before a platform can be built between two people, as I realize the destructive nature of relationships based on separation, where in the same sense that I can bring myself down, it's much easier to accomplish when I utilize another person through indirect agreement to bring me down, as a way for me to create separation from my creation of relationships, and blame someone else for bringing me down, when I was asking for it, and just didn't realize it, so weither I like it or not, I have to learn somehow, I must create mutual relationships of agreement and utilize self as the foundation where trust and intimacy can be established for real.
Here's a link to the flophouse site if anyone wants something funny to listen too, I personally really like listening to them a lot, http://www.flophousepodcast.com/
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