Day 128- Mean

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people being mean to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to victimize myself in relationship to when I feel I'm not being treated justly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when someone is 'mean' to me because I feel like I have failed in serving them, or that I have failed them in some way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to emotionally attach myself to serving and impressing other's.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with fear when someone is angry or upset towards me, because I fear I've fallen out of their good graces and preference.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not improve my relationship and standing with and as myself, when I depend on positive and negative reinforcement outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to impress and do well by people at work instead of doing good at work for myself to maintain my stature and position for the sake of keeping my job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing my co-workers by not doing a good job at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus so much on interpersonal relationships instead of just doing the work that is required of me, and leaving it at that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not having any friends at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that when someone is mean of upset towards me at work, that I have lost a friend.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand as work, as financially supporting myself, as not requiring friendship, and as such not requiring enemies or 'meanness'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friends at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dependent on friendship at work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to percieve people who are mean or aggressive as enemies, instead of just seeing what they are showing me needs to be done or improved on in my work dicipline or ethic, and just move on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take other people's attitudes or behavior's personally.

Where I personally can and do exemplify the same behavior or personalities depending on how I'm feeling or experiencing myself at any given time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as exempt and not a part of the problem when I view aggression and meanness as separate from me and my own creation.

So, it's easier to talk about mean behaviour or ways or treating other people once I admit I'm an equal part of that creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret calling on other people as being mean, because I regret acting as if I'm not part of the problem as able to an willfully spiteful interanlly in secret, or directly as injected into reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about hating others for the way they behave, without making any attempt to change my relationship and behaviours of myself for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge hatred and cruelty and meanness, because I accept and tolerate it within myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify being mean to other people.

It really requires me to forgive and redefine the word mean itself, because what's mean to me is ill-defined, right and wrong being defined by person to person.

I should be supporting all of life however I can in all ways at all times to the best of my ability.

Being mean is basically the opposite, where I only am considering my own intrest, and don't care about the implications on anything outside of myself.

So being mean can be a way to see and detect misalignment.

So with taking such steps at addressing mean and aggressive behavior, I more adequately support myself and others in times of mean or even abusiveness.

Where no matter if it is me or someone else, it's just a matter of addressing the misalignment and moving forward, no harm no foul.

What am I learning about behavior?

The judgement and perception of mean/agitated behavior, shows I am tolerating and perceiving it within myself as such.

I also see how my perception is warped towards the polarity of friendship/enemy where it basically comes down to if you do what I like you're my friend, if you are mean and treat me a way I don't like or prefer you're bad, and you're my enemy.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself percieveing someone as mistreating me when they are mean towards me, as I realize that I'm the only person who can be mean to me, through my relationship and participation with the word mean reflected through my mind as energy.