Day 162- A New Chapter of Awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of more within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be aware of the surface level of what is occurring within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try to change myself through breathing and directing myself without becoming aware of what it is I'm trying to direct and breathe through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I will know who I want to be and what I am going to change within myself without self honestly addressing what it is I'd like to change, when I'm only willing to see and address the most primal superficial levels of myself.

Since yesterday looking at how things are formed through my participation within myself, I wonder about how I've been directing myself with such a limited concept of everything within me and how it works.

I commit myself to take a step back from how I've been directing myself and become more aware of how I operate and how things occur within me, giving me a better platform to direct myself in relationship to what's happening inside of me.

Awareness

I'm aware of many things occurring within me, but I realized how dismissive I am, focusing on energy within me and how it moves, but not seeing how it's being created through my thoughts and feelings and reactions and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself within my breathe through reactions out of fear.

As soon as I see something moving within me, I say that is a misalignment and I try to stop it, but I can't, I make it worse, because I don't see how it's being created through patterns and such.

I was right in my concern yesterday about having an epiphany, because I realized something, but now I see I don't know how to apply my new information into practice.

I have an idea which I think is going to work out pretty good, so that's what I'm going to go off.

I commit myself to direct myself within becoming aware of how things are created within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to direct myself in relationship to stopping systems within me under the pretense that I firmly believe I can change myself without self forgiveness.

I firmly believe I can 'do this', without self forgiveness, but the only results and change I've ever truly achieved has been through utilizing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self forgiveness as an inferior means of changing myself, because I'd like to be capable of change through intention and through my mind, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to 'my way', because I created it for myself, as I realize what I 'created' was just a part of my own nature as a program, and self forgiveness is deprogramming.

Like I can program change without deprogramming that which inhibits it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to changing as a program, as taking the lesser of two evils, without recognizing the need to forgive as deprogramming to actually change as life.

I realized something yesterday, but still found myself trying to apply my realization through the same means of changing without forgiving programming on top of programming.

I realize forgiveness is to honor and respect life, I realize forgiveness is how I change into something I'd be proud of for real.

I realize self forgiveness requires me to sit down, slow down, and really address myself, and the way I try to program over programs is just a waiting game, where I really believe something will come about, when it just doesn't I already took the big step in realizing my two years trying to change myself without writing and speaking self forgiveness was just the time it took to come to terms with the fact that this is it, self forgiveness is the only real technique I can actually work with.

I still try to constantly assert within myself that directing myself to some unforeseen end point, programming over programs will still be a part of my process, but maybe I should begin to take steps in reconsidering my preconceived notions of my process and how I will be living and directing myself in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to come to some kind of understanding within me which will work and be applicable without realizing the living and execution of the realization in real time and practice.

I commit myself to center myself within awareness in each breathe, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear centering myself within awareness in each breathe will lead to the death of my old incarnation within myself.

I realize I fear facing that my old incarnation was incarceration.

In care creation

I care enough to admit I must change my old methods, but I fear giving up what I've been vehemently fighting for within myself, that my methods were infallible, I realize that in a sense that I've gotten to where I am in this breathe now realizing the need and responsibility for my old method does make my old method infallible within its ability to cease to exist, it cannot fail if I don't participate in it.

I thought of an analogy, of what if I realized my religion was wrong, but I fear giving up, because if it was true, than I'd not go to heaven if i were to give up on it, which is exactly what's happened, I've created my own religion
through my method and my belief that it will lead to salvation for me, but now I see how fickle it's all been and am grasping how I got into that situation through analyzing my memories.

I've isolated two points, my idea of how I'll practice and execute my new realization, and how I've been executing mg old realization, but I realize neither is complete within their cycle.

When and as I see myself participating within my old method of participation through directing myself through force and through my inner wind, I stop, I breathe, I realize my new method is superior, thusly, I commit myself to always apply my new method of directing myself as breathing within awareness without looking back.

Which brings me to another point about myself, 'looking back'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself totally to a new method of directing myself, as I realize the best method is what I should totally commit myself to as life, and I realize my distrust out of fear and guilt and regret, cannot speak louder than what I have realized through self honesty and self forgiveness and endless application in breathe.

I commit myself to not look back out of fear, regret, remorse that what if things would have worked out into he end if I had just stick it out a little longer, as I realize I don't have the time on earth to wait. I have to act.