Opening up the point I've been working on as the energy moving within myself.
A weakness, I can see how I see myself as too weak to be here unmoved in each breathe, that I experience this movement as a support to me in being here in each breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as too weak to direct myself in each breathe unmoved by energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here as each breathe as the physical unmoved by energy of the mind.
There's nothing to fear because to be here unmoved I can't have fear and if there were fear than I wasn't here to begin with I was in my mind as fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up all my pretty feelings in being here unmoved in each breathe, as I remind myself the pretty feelings aren't pretty, they are accompanied and cannot exist without equally ugly thoughts feelings and experiences.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to snuff out the ugly side of the spectrum and only see my pretty feelings that lift me up, and forget about how excruciating the fall is, when I fall from my high of pretty feelings.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to view myself as not strong enough to not have the support of the energy moving and flowing within me because I don't see myself as being able to let go of the pretty feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see the pretty feelings as equal to the ugly feelings thoughts and experiences.
The pretty feelings being equal to the ugly feelings, puts things in perspective, of course I can let go, because in being here in each breathe unmoved by the energy moving within me I can stop being moved by feelings.
So seeing all pretty and ugly feelings as equal I realize of course I can direct myself and do what it takes to forgive and stop participation with this energy moving within me, of course I'm strong enough, I'm strong enough to endure all of these feelings shredding me apart, of course I'm strong enough to let go.
When and as I see myself perceiving myself as not strong enough to be here in each breathe unmoved by the energy moving within me, I stop, I breathe, I realize that the reason I see myself as not strong enough as not being able to let go of my desire to indulge in feelings is not valid, It's not representing the full spectrum of feelings and how my feelings as emotions and energy reactions are inherently abusive to me in my living so to have endured that abuse, of course I'm strong enough to be here supporting myself for real as my body, thusly, I commit myself to direct myself to remain unmoved by the energy within myself in each breathe as a statement that I am here to support life and not the indoctrination of programmed feelings.
I close my eyes to open up this point again.
Guidance
In each breathe I'm guided by the movement within me.
Right away I realize what I'm being guided towards is a state of mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as requiring guidance with each breathe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I'm better off totally confused of what I'm doing with my body and react profusely to each breathe than to outright misguide myself into a lull of suppression.
It'd be better to struggle to be in pain in each breathe to react in any and all ways than out right suppress those things and simply admit defeat in guiding myself into a trance of suppression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within each breathe giving me no context within any breathe leaving me wide upon to be misguided by the energy moving within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view the energy moving within me as the better of two evils because I define reaction and emotion and feelings as worse than just being a zombie in a consciences haze.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize every piece of my mind representing me not being here directing myself unmoved in each breathe and on principle is equal, so I realize there wasn't a right or wrong choice between what I allow myself to be moved by, the fact is I'm moved and I'm not here in my living.
When and as I see myself being moved by this energy within each breathe I experience, I stop, I breathe, I realize I must stop this energy and face all the other things within me going totally suppressed as I realize I've faced and experienced enough of this hypnotic movement for long enough to tap into and recall upon for a life time, thusly I commit myself to stop this energy moving within myself and start allowing other points to rise up and have their chance to fuck me, as I realize this is a statement that I'm going to be fucked by my mind one way or another, but it's a statement that all mind fucks are one and equal no one mind fuck is more valid or better than any other.
All mind fucks are equal and one, so it's time to shed my skin and start getting mind fucked by all the things I've suppressed.
I need to keep pushing on this energy moving within me, because it still is being experienced like it's better than any other mind fuck, like it's the greatest and most maleficent mind fuck to ever be conceived, and that's not fair to me, it's not fair that I limit myself to just one element of my madness and separation I need to see other elements more, I need to bring all my mind fucks to an equal playing field so we can all sit down and hatch things out together no one's voice overlooked by another's.
I'm getting upset now, because I've been getting fucked by this one mind fuck for so much so long and so hard, and there are so many more fucks to be given from so many other parts of my mind, this has become a mind fuck hierarchy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the energy moving within me on the top of the mind fuck pyramid, being the mind fuck that I am always the most conscience of and aware of, whilst simultaneously being the mind fuck that has begun to matter the least, because it has just been a very modest distraction while the real mind fucks doing the real damage go unrecognized.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this energy moving within me is the ultimate mind fuck needing to be addressed to support me in my living, when it's really the ultimate mind fuck needing to be forgiven so I can through the eye on the top of the pyramid look through and see the vast valley and network of mind fucks going on beneath the surface.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping the energy moving inside each breathe I take will give me some sort of calmness and stability when in actuality I'm seeing that it's just opening the floodgates.
That's a good thing in itself, may all mind fucks flow within me one and equal, may all mind fucks have equal rights.
Right now I'm fairly unmoved, more than I have been unmoved in a while, which is fantastic, because it means I'm getting super sonic mind blasted by a mind fuck at this very moment, because I know I'm unforgiven in my living in so many ways I can't even consieve of, so something extreme is brewing underneath the surface.
I'm being sedated.
All this time the energy moving within me in each breathe has been sedating me, so I've become unaware of the mass extent of my mind fuck.
Fuck
I'm a zombie
I'm a fucked zombie
Fuck
Shit
I'm in a dream
I can't wake up
I'm not being moved
That was a refreshing mind fuck, becoming aware of how sedated I am...
A nice refreshing mind fuck to wake me up.
The panic 'this can't be happening'
The fear the excitement.
I've been missing out on some high end mind fucks becoming so adjusted to my mind fuck of preference.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to severely cripple my capacity to explore and give into mind fucks when I have totally made one mind fuck my special thing, when at this point it's really not that interesting anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself into not letting any other mind fucks have their opprituinuty to move me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand and grow by realizing how great the extent of my capacity to mind fuck myself is.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than the mind fucker I'm well aware I'm capable of being and becoming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on my expansion within my awareness of my mind fuck, because I just wanted to settle in and ride our the rest of time with just one mind fuck by my side, 'me and you till the end'.
I commit myself to release the hounds upon myself.
I commit myself to let my mind fucks attack to feast, to kill me, so I can learn and expand in forgiving and acknowledging the extent of my mind fuckness.
When and as I see myself settling into just one mind fuck above all others, I stop, I breathe, I realize myself as leveling the playing field allows me to expand in my awareness of my mind fuckness allowing more I can take back in self forgiveness, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe treat all mind fucks as equal, to in each breathe level the playing field, and hopefully I can bring more mind fucks into my life, because i don't have enough on my plate right now, dealing with the same weakened and pathetic mind fuck day in and day out, a mind fuck who's time is up for the time being.
I can hear the hounds barking now already.
I commit myself to let the hounds play.
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