Day 171- Suppression vs. Stopping

Where are all of the points within me?

Why do all points within me seem trivial?

Where is the point/points building my experience of myself?

Why does nothing significant come up within me?

What is the large point in my life that I'm not addressing?

All of my conscienceness has been focused on the one particular energy moving within me.

So I'm not consciencely aware of everything else within myself as movements and points and reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the points within me, as I realize they haven't stopped affecting and influencing me, I'm just not aware of when or how they are doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the state of suppression and sedation within myself when I've tried to stop things within me I realize I'm not competent to move myself to stop for real, as I haven't done the self forgiveness required.

Stopping everything is something I've tried to do in breathing, the problem arises that I've not forgiven, I've not opened up and faced how these things came to be then changed my behavior my living who I am.

So what I'm left with, is everything is being stopped, from the point of separation, where if I'm asleep if I'm unaware, the whole world could appear to stop, but in reality if I'm aware of the world around me or not, it remains.

The only way to stop points without really stopping as self movement through forgiveness and correction, is to become unaware of the points all together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on stopping all points within myself without giving myself the proper tools and resources and trying to move myself from my mind to stop, which lead to suppression and sedation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signs that I was becoming sedated and suppressed, because my mind was so focused on stopping that I didn't pay attention to the real results I was manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disconnected from how each point within me builds me up, when that is the key to stopping for real so I can take on those points directly for what is see and realize they are.

Just lately in stopping myself from the patterns which lead me to try to stop and control everything, does the real inherit nature of my attempt to stop everything become revealed, in how I've settled for a supplement to stopping everything.

I've become a husk, a husk compared to the person I wanted to be.

In my method of stopping, it meant to never stop, to never slow down in writing and address things for real, just keep holding down the line, keep creating what I validated without evidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my means of stopping without any evidence of it's ability to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself with out considering the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to slow down and investigate to change for real in realizing my mistakes and changing to be irrelevant, because 'I've got the whole picture'

I don't have a fraction of the picture.

I need more of the picture, but it's still ingrained in my head that what I consciencely perceive is all there is to me.

'This is all I am and all I'll ever be'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the misalignment's within me as nuisance's.

It's easy to just want to be an empty husk when a life unmoved by misalignment seems so perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop things from moving within me, without me walking the real process to removing misalignment through forgiveness as understanding how things happened then changing myself and my living as who I am in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop everything within myself because being moved constantly and to end is annoying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself because of acting on annoyance.

I don't want to deal with this, I want it to stop, but I don't want to deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that nothing was really stopped I just separated myself even further from who I am and what moves me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from what moves me, when it's my responsibility and I should be aware of what moves me, so I can actually face it.

It's hard to dig into he depth of myself when all I have are diluted half baked watered down feelings and experiences.

I need to from within myself start bringing more to the surface.

All this undefined movement so deep so hard to gather any information about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being moved and shaken up and upset as a failure upon myself instead of a gift that I get to see into my nature and can actually address my reality uncensored and unprepared see myself for who I am.

I've got to let go.

The way I've been directing myself is good that it's led me to this moment in time, but it's bad that what I've been accomplishing in each breathe has only been suppression.

I've got to stop stopping.

I've got to just ride things out.

I have to.

I commit myself to gaze into that which I've suppressed, as I realize the only way to stop for real is to face myself to the fullest in self honesty.

Not in further projecting my mind without reason, but realizing, what can be stopped will be stopped by me for real, without substitution.

So in each breathe I breathe, and I don't influence, I take on everything that occurs within it unaltered so I can see the unaltered cut of my creation.

I can already see something else in the distance.

The panic when something comes up within me, how do I direct myself what do I do?

How do I move myself? How do I move forward?

Therein lies the problem, I'm not standing on principle moving myself in self trust.

When and as I see myself trying to stop anything from the point of doing so within my mind, I stop, I breathe, I realize what will be stopped will be stopped by me on principle as me moving myself unedited unthought unargued undebated, thusly, I commit myself to just pay attention to be aware of what is moving within me in each breathe without editing or processing, but just being here where I can see who and what I am for what it is.

The only way to open myself up from the emptiness I've created, is to realize the emptiness itself is an enslavement I've created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic when I don't know how to move myself when something comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize if something comes up within me and I don't act on principle as knowing myself realizing what to do and moving myself accordingly uninhibited than it's just an irrelevant program I've given far too much meaning to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that standing on principle in being moved but not participating myself is too difficult, as I realize this is reflective of the time and programming I've put into trying to direct and move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing where the line is between me moving myself directly as my mind and my mind just moving me as it's programmed to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for giving into and moving myself within my mind directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'll mess myself up if I give into my mind and all the energy moving within myself.

I commit myself to let the points open up to let my mind wander as it would, but to realize me myself as not directly giving in, only letting my mind run as it has been programmed to do, the same and equal to my self forgiveness and correction, which is lived and moved by me as I'm programmed to do.

When and as I see myself in the moment of i want to move myself within my mind, o stop, I breathe, I realize what will be moved will be moved as it's been programmed, thusly I commit myself to not speed up or slow down that process by remaining physically here unmoved unaltered as the programming of the physical, as I realize the temptation to alter and inhibit the mind without real change through self forgiveness will make things worse, as I've now realized in how I've suppressed myself in trying to stop myself without real change.