Day 211- No Choice but to Direct Myself

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I don't have any choice but to direct myself.

I can try to stop things from moving within me, but that I can only do as much as I've forgiven.

I can't just turn off everything moving within me, I have to be able to work with and direct everything moving within myself one way or another.

Even letting things occur naturally on their own within myself becomes me directing myself to let things happen naturally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how complicated it is to direct myself through the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the constant barrage of complications and compromise that occurs within myself constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that fearing how hard it is to direct myself and taking a submissive stance will protect me as separating me from my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect pushing my problems away to result in anything but more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on life while I'm still alive when I try to hide from what I've created as my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make directing myself worse when I go into fear of how complicated it is to direct myself and that I have no choice but to face myself.

When and as I see myself trying to avoid directing myself within fear of how complicated it is to direct myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm going to be directed by either myself or my mind until I die so hiding from that responsibility only puts my mind in charge, thusly, I commit myself to take self responsibility for directing myself as taking charge apposed to retreating in fear of complications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing the best way to direct myself within any particular moment within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear something bad will happen if I don't make the best decision in how to direct myself in any given moment within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of not directing myself within myself the best I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to know what is the best way to direct myself in any given moment but instead having to realize it within each breathe at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the constant pressure of having to make decisions in hoe to direct myself in each breathe where certain decisions can result in consequences for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be alleviated form this constant responsibility, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the self responsibility of having to direct myself in each breathe to do what is best for life in each breathe as the greatest gift ever.

When and as I see myself fearing the constant responsibility of directing myself in each breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize this is not a punishment but instead an amazing gift to be receiving from myself, thusly, I commit myself to show appreciation for my gift by taking on self responsability for my gift of having no choice but to direct myself in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I am dealing with past programming in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I cannot correct my past programming because it is too strong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate any less then taking on my past programming in self forgiveness and correction no matter how powerful the program appears to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to fear as being suspended in inaction when this is just me waiting for death to deal with the programs leaving me here on earth speeding my disease whilst doing nothing to correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on death to correct my programming when I have never died in this life so don't know that my programming will actually be corrected at death or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let death as the unknown take responsibility for what I knowingly have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to hand my debt as my past into death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think there is any good reason to not go all out in taking self responsibility for the programming I have created through my past.

When and as I see myself not facing my past programming out of fear of it being impossible, I stop, I breathe, I realize I have to face myself in this life because as far as I'm aware this is my only chance to do so, thusly, I commit myself to face my past programming in each breathe and direct myself within self forgiveness of my past programming in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thinking about how to direct myself when I'm unsure of how to direct myself as I realize thinking about how to direct myself is giving up apposed to doing anything else at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tempt myself to give up on directing myself through trying to think my way through each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify giving up as thinking because I can think of a solution as i realize this isn't true because there is no solution when I've already given up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just let things resolve on their own instead of giving up as thinking my way out of directing myself here in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just take a chance and be wrong within how I breathe and direct myself apposed to giving up as thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not risk my mind wandering off far off track apposed to thinking where I can breathe and take myself back in breathe if my mind wanders off, but if I've already given up as giving into thinking then it's too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge even listening to the songs as backchat playing on repeat in my head as I realize even this is a more directive action then giving up in thinking, because I can't directly stop the song in my head so being aware of it is at least doing something rather then giving up entirely in thinking.

When and as I see myself considering thinking my way through directing myself in each breathe when I'm confused or unsure, I stop, I breathe, I realize to be unsure and to make mistakes is always better then thinking my way out of the situation, as I realize thinking my way to directing myself here in each breathe is the worst way I can possibly direct myself, thusly, I commit myself to choose confusion or choose anything else within myself to direct myself in each breathe as long as it isn't thinking which is the worst of evils in terms of directing my breathe.