Day 220- Hard Spot to Reach

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Often times, I breathe, and I experience that I have taken a deep breathe, a full breathe, a direct breathe, then many more of those breathes, I'm moving myself I'm directing everything that stands in opposition to me as directing myself, I'm totally completely moved by and as myself in all ways... But then i realize something is very wrong, I'm fucked, because there's a spot I'm not reaching, and then I see it's not just a spot it's many spots, and then I see I'm hardly directing any of myself but foe the most surface level, and even that is a mess.

Because when I walked alone, directing myself in each breathe for many years after giving up on writing self forgiveness, and being a part of the group as a whole, I was alone, and had nothing to question that I was perfectly directing myself in each breathe, always just an inch away from total self mastery, always so close to success, 'this time I'm going to make', every time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have not been directive within and as myself, but to the smallest extent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm not powerful, because I can hardly direct even the littlest part of myself in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to direct myself in relationship to challenges in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand my grasp and capacity to direct myself in relationship to all things in my life by letting go of my idea of perfection within self direction, as I realize I can't even perfect what little I have to direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my grasp and comprehension of how to be self directive, to myself myself and correct myself in each breathe out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the challenges that come with being directive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how lost I get when I give myself no proper direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing myself when I grow tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being tired and still having to direct myself as having no choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to call things off when I get in over my head, and only having myself left to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be humbled by being able to find myself in moments where I realize I have no choice but to do what's best and direct myself to be my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate that realizing the only choice is to do what's best for life puts me in the best position to be able to comfortably and effectively direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider how im feeling when things get rough, as I realize I would not want to be in any one else's shoes when things get rough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself considering only how I feel, and instead of considering what's best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that 'when I miss a spot', within my breathing, and there's something out of reach, it means something is very out of reach, and something is very wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to direct everything from a point of total perfection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with as embracing my problems and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to direct myself in each breathe without taking all of my problems and misalignment's into account.

When and as I see parts of myself I cannot direct in each breathe, as parts of myself that are out of reach, I stop, I breathe, I realize there's nothing out of reach for me, but when I create walls within myself, thusly, I commit myself to take down the walls within myself as embracing my limitations and misalignment's and problems in each breathe.

I take a walk, and sit back to let things sink in, and that movement, my mind is drawn to the movement within me, the movement I'm trapped with.

The energy moving within me in each breathe, of which will take a very long time to walk out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I'm trapped directing an energy within myself of which i can do nothing about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that my ability to direct this energy effectively is out of reach, and all I can do is manage the surface level like everything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living with this energy moving within myself for years and yet still not having figured out how to direct it as my self in living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to perfectly direct this movement within myself instead of just doing my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to fully comprehend or direct this energy moving within myself instead of just trying my best to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my best efforts at directing this energy moving within myself as being not good enough despite being the best I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my best not being good enough, because in theory I can always do a little better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold theories over me as how I should live and be apposed to breathe and working with what is here and real, where doing my best is something I realize for myself to give to myself.

When and as I see myself judging how I direct the energy moving within myself as not good enough, I stop, I breathe, I realize in theory I can always do better, but here in each breathe my limitations have become more then theories as how I've shared my very being, thusly, I commit myself to become and live the theory of realizing my best despite the barriers I've created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I can see what I could be within myself and my living, yet cannot reach it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see what I could be, yet not bring it into manifestation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll over and die instead of doing anything it takes to bring my best potential into practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I perceive I must give up to reach my best potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I must face to become living my best potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I will suffer to become my best potential as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself on the path of becoming the best I can no matter what happens.

I commit myself to maintain the path of becoming the best I can as a living being to stand and support what's best for all of life as one and equal, no matter what happens, for the rest of my life, even if I give up, I commit myself to not give myself the choice to give up, I commit myself to not let my mind make my decisions, leaving me as who I am in each breathe to be left to make the decision to maintain my course and direction.

When and as I see myself fearing how difficutl it will be to reach my best potential, I stop, I breathe, I realize if I just commit myself to not give myself a choice but to do anything else but what's best, by stopping all separation and leaving me in a position where I can see what's real, then I will make the best choice for life as life, thusly, I commit myself to not give myself a choice but to do what's best for life by breathing and acting as a living being as living words and principles.