Day 223- Domino Effect

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not resisting my thoughts so they won't landslide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the domino effect of giving into one little thing in my mind and it ending up toppling over as opening up all kinds of points within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being struck by many points opening up all at once.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the domino effect will not stop and that things will just keep popping up in my mind to not end, if I give in just an inch to anything within me, as I realize there is so muc
h opening up within me all the time anyways that it just seems preferential and not really matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my preference of how things should open up within me affect my ability to natrually direct myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear the domino effect of giving into my mind and then more points coming up because of it, as I realize no matter what the degree I am always to a degree giving into my mind directly and limiting that without actually stopping and forgivng and breathing is the real problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my mind instead of stopping it and forgivng it because I don't like to see how I'm directly responsible for what mices within me throuh butterfly effects over time.

When and as I see myself fearing creating a butterfly effect of giving into something within my mind and then it opening up bigger and other things like domino's, I stop, I breathe, I realize this is what I'm faced with constantly and suppressing does not help mitigate the damage so I'm just being selfis in not wanting to directly watch how my mind unfolds through my own participation and decisions, thusly, I commit myself to let my mind unfold when I'm remaining directive within the decision, as I realize that in seeing how my mind is created in real time alloes me to take self responsability to a more precise level.

Every moment for me consist of so much movement.

It's bizzare, what do you do when there's so much moving within you?

I try to breathe, but there's just too much moving.

I wish I had control over the energy moving within me.

All I can do is shift it around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing what little control I can muster in relationship to the energy moving within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I don't maintain what little control I have over the constant movement within myself that something bad will happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear thr feeling of not directing myself and just being directed by all the movement within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the thing within myself or movement coming to it's natural conclusion apposed to me directing my relationship to it, and seeing it to my conclusion which would be to stop it and instead to live and assert myself as a new being not moving within my mind constantly in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the feeling the energy moving within me creates when I'm not the one in charge and directing myself within the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I don't take a certain degree of charge and direction in relationship the energy moving within me that I will fall apart and start to become tired, or have a headache, or be unfocused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to back out to my relationship with this movement within me because I would fall apart and not be able to function if I just didn't try to direct it.

When and as I see myself fearing letting go of directing this energy within myself as the negative physical and mental consequences that could occur, I stop, I breathe, as I realize I've become dependent on energetic movement as a apart of my conscienceness in each moment, but who I am in changing it and forgivng it is something im still developing so there's no right or wrong as much as certain degrees of comfort, thusly, I commit myself to assert myself in relationship to the energy moving within me in each breathe as not trying to force myself to move a certain way just out of comfort when I realize now what I fear as me losing control is just a fear, and losing control in relationship to this energy moving within me just means I'm not totally standing equal to the energy moving within me.