Day 248- suppressing backchat into listening to backchat

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my backchat by trying to control it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mutter my backchat out kind as though it will stop it from fueling when it might just make it worse because I'm bringing it into the physical even more by speaking it with all the emotion and feeling that I experience it on the inside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my backchat like don't think that you know Bette then that when the backchat itself is just representing something deeper to fighting the backchat is like trying to bucket out the water instead of plugging the holes to the boat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to suppress my backchat instead of opening it up to see what it really represents in the core.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control my backchat instead of changing myself to no longer be the being that produces all the mental barrage of hate and spite as backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight my backchat instead of addressing myself as my being produced in the backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone with myself unable to do anything about the backchat playing in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to sit back and watch the backchat unfold before me unable to stop it without suppressing it and making it worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to react as being unable to tolerate what I have created instead of supporting myself to hear the backchat and let myself see and understand what it is showing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define back chat as degrading me instead of supporting me to see what lies beneath the words in my had in ho I actually am conditioned to feel and experience things coming through to me as channeling voices into my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable letting the voice play out in my head as I realize to stop them is to forgive and to change, to stop them through my mind, is like fighting fire with fire, and is why I have formed this particular suppression relationship to backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge judgement backchat as bad and to be annihilated on site, when this annihilation is actually suppression, and I want to hear the judgement pure and unadulterated because it's me judging myself and I want to know what's going on without a fear filter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that having a judgement backchat of someone else is the problem, when I'm the problem for being and existing within judgement of someone else as the backchat itself is just putting it into words for me, for which I should be grateful that I've formulated my judgement so much that it's now in words I can listen and study my words no matter how cruel or unkind so I can refer to these words to support myself in where I am misaligned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my backchat instead of listening to it.

When and as I see myself suppressing my backchat as the voices talking in my head, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it's better to investigate and get to the bottom of what's going on at the core that these voices are having the opportunity to pop up instead of just pretending like I'm hearing these voices when I am along with everyone else, thusly, I commit myself to breathe and listen to what the voices are saying without altering or suppressing them so I can see what I need to see about myself, where from there I trust myself to take it to the next step of self forgiveness and correction.