Day 260- focusing on work

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When I have a problem, I notice I ask myself a crucial question, how much have I thought about this problem, and how much have I actually done about it?

I'm feeling tense, it's really busy at my jobs and i have to work a extra.

So I'm feeling more tense then usual, and I think I'm tense what's that about, and I realize I really don't do much towards writing or speaking about stress, i realize I'm as stressed as proportionate to how much I've written out and spoken self forgiveness for my stress.

I feel stressed physically in my back and just anxious about work, but for some reason I rather look to something else to deal with then stress that's right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how I am physically stressed out where I'm in pain and anxious in my body and still say 'I don't have to deal with this'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat my own stress and anxiety like it's not my problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to shit down when I'm stressed where I'll just speak my mind avoid facing what I need to do and just stop caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry stress around where i am not accepting myself as the creator of my stress and blaming external things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if my stress is my own creation I can just change it, but the way I get stressed out is blaming circumstances and people where I can't address mt stress when I take myself out of the equation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my stress getting worse where deep down I know stress just keeps on building until it's addressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up looking at everything stressing me coming up in my mind that I don't even see how the very fact of work and being at work doing work Is stressful even though it's right in front of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize his I am stressed out by what's right in front of me where I'm too caught up in my own mind to see what's unfolding right in front of me and do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my stress at work compound where just being at work Is stressful and this stress slowly compounds into more specific things, where I get stressed about having to do specific tasks that I do all the time and otherwise have no problem with except my stress leeching into everything I do at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have noticed how I come how and the very way I feel of being sore and tired is coming from my own stress where I don't notice this because I'm busy looking at other things in my mind which I value more, and only when there insnt much else on my mind do I see how I haven't prioritized as well ad I could where I let my stress from work build up while I'm busy dealing with less significant points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak and write about whatever I want where I'm not refining that what's best I'd to focus on where I am most of the day which is right in front of my work where I'm stressed and anxious and this should be way more of my focus to improving my relationship to work and stress from work even further.

When and as I see myself focusing on other points then what is right in front of me as work when I'm at work, I stop, I breathe, I realize I need to prioritize, where even though all posts are related, I need to deal with work and stress where work and the stress of work consist of most of my entire day, so has the most meat to bite into, thus, I commit myself to when I am at work to focus on my stress, to not just get done with work to move onto other things, but to instead focus on improving myself at work, correcting my stress using work as a priority to relate my process to where having a good time at work and not being stressed out is more important then half the things I usually put my attention into.

It's a weird thought that so little of my writing is centered around work where im at work a lot, it's weird to see how unprioritized I've been in that regard, yet it's good that I reach a point where I can see, im at work a lot, I should be writing about work a lot, I'm there at work so much that most of my writing and improving should be based around being at work.

It actually really really takes me back, kind of like a epiphany, like most of my time is at work, why isn't most of my writing pertaining to stress and anxiety coming from work?

So then getting more specific, I'm there at work, where's the stress coming from? The feeling of pressure, looking at all the things I have to do and feeling overwhelmed like ' I can't do all these things.'

I get stressed from work where my mind is not really in the work, it's not really what I want to be doing, it's not really where I'd like to be, I just want to get done, I just want to be doing something else, then I finally do it all and I do something else for just a little, and then it starts all over the next day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stressed out where being at work is not where I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as being complete doing what I want to do, where deep down I don't bother making work what I want to do, because I know this doesn't address the real problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define dragging my feet through work and wanting to be somewhere else doing something else as tolerable and just the way things are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that strength from work comes from doing it even though you don't want to, where you can be even stronger when you just do it regardless of wanting or not wanting anything, where stopping the wanting or not wanting out if the equation makes you even stronger in relationship to doing what you have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to somewhere else other then work where in desiring to be somewhere else I'm not facing myself and addressing my stress, I'm stressed because I want to be somewhere else, and I want to be somewhere else because I'm stressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how much time and energy I've spent at work wishing I was done and that I was somewhere else where I could have to just been there centered myself there and made something of that time I had at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret how I've wasted time at work where I see how much more I could be making out of work where I see that I have many times written out in relationship to work, but that in coming to certain resolutions with many of the things that distract me in my mind I can see better how I can focus and be more a part of my time at work now apposed to then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use work as an extension of myself and my process where I'm not just getting through work I'm using work as a way to perfect myself, to reflect myself in my work.

When and as I see myself wanting to be somewhere else or doing something
else then being at work, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I'm only postponing the problem where I'll be at work again with the same attitude and same stress unless I actively change my focus at work from getting done to using the time to look inwards and focus on myself, thus, I commit myself to notice when I become stressed at work, and to then breathe, slow down, and look to myself instead of looking to just get out and get done with my day, as I realize the days just keep building on each other the more I push myself to just get through the day and not use the day all day long to work on myself.