Day 276- outlines/rabbitholes

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Every day I need to be following my schedule for the day.

I need to challenge myself regularly in different ways.

When something like an big reaction comes up I need to be able to not think my way out, but to jist stop, breathe as centering myself 'I'm here I'm breathing'.

I have many points to work out, I couldn't think of them all, and that's the point that I don't need to think about them I just live them.

So that's my outline each day, I can't help anyone until I walk myself out, then as i sort myself out I can eventually become able to support other's through what I've walked, but that's a very long term goal, years down the road.

So I've got my outline, and I live that every day, but I still can't help but wonder back to the past where I was living a completely different outline, where my outline was to transcend my mind to become 'something', I wasn't using the tools I was shown but my own methods which I don't use hardly ever since recent months, where for a while my method of breathing and all the stunts I pull in each breathe lingered for a whole until i really dig into it into in self forgiveness and correction.

What still lingering is this presence like I'm still caught in that web, or I haven't totally resolved some things.

It's like I'm breathing in each moment, but there's still more to each breathe, energy moving in each breathe, each breathe I take os more then just a breathe there's still a lot of energy and mental things in each breathe.

So it's like I deal with things in real time, if I'm dealing with anger, I deal with it when I comes up, when I get angry, that's my moment of truth.

Then I think I'm looking at things like, can't I do more in each moment, why do I have to face things in real time, can't I face things right here in this moment?

Really what comes to mind is if I have the time to sit around doing more quantum bull poo in my mind then I have time to instead just to self forgiveness which is where it's at.

So it's like why dig into my mind trying to create more shitty methods of directing myself when I can just use self forgiveness in that time and then apply it in the real world while I'm out or at work ot whatever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I can imagine being more in each breathe, which I have done in the past where I have a very powerful imagination, but when it comes to living the imagination it falls flat because it's not based on real things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in each breathe where I can imagine myself being more om each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time imagining who I could be in each breathe where it's what I do, what I imagine is just misleading me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what I could do in each breathe where I could imagine growing wings but it simply does not happen, where I have imagined that in the past and try to grow wings, because that would be cool, but it didn't work, even thoihj I believed it very hard and imagined Very hard, it doesn't work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to not see that if I am imagining what more I could do in each breathe it's just an idea where then if I want I can take it to writing and try to flesh it out question it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that maybe there is something I can do in each breathe and am missing out on it, where maybe or maybe not I need to just write it out, maybe I'm right or wrong I don't know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disappointed if I find that there's no tricks to walking my process and that it is completely real time forgive and change in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judhe myself for going down the rabbit hole where I'm writing things out I'm being as specif as I can using my tools I'm being realistic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judhe myself for going back down the same rabbit hole I've been down before where it's a new process that is being walked and testing things out makes sense.

When and as I see myself fearing going down the rabbit hole as digging into an idea relating to my process, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it's reasonable to quest things and try things out as long as I'm using my tools and beinf self honest, thus, I commit myself to when I see myself wanting to go down a rabbit hole of testing a new theory or idea within my process to be practical, to not waste months or even years endlessly digging myself into my own mind, remember that I already have an outline to walk each day and that I need to focus on practical real world real time things first and foremost.