Day 295- energy and tiredness and dreams

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I was thinking about how sleep and tiredness is the biggest points I've ever faced in my life.

It seems like what will take the most time and effort to sort through, it's something I can't see the end of, something deeply woven into me and my life.

I just have to keep picking at it, everything else also seems tamable, like I spend
just an hour or so I and I can see results resolution, but I always feel like I'm in a tired state like tiredness in my whole body and in my life, but I can see results there too, it just takes a lot of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to resolve tiredness and sleep like I can with other things where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how deep tiredness is within me where it feels like it affects everything about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how energetic I've been all my life with all this energy puring into thoughts and experiences all my life in where now I'm just tired like I always feel short on energy now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient where I am still developing my outline of understanding how I've created all this energy within myself that has not been resolved which has short circuited me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that all the expreicne and pictures I've created all my life have amounted to nothing but disempowered me, where, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I've been accomplishing something in all the feelings and experiences and pictures I've had within me where all its amounted to is tiredness just a prolonged lesson in the mind and conscienceness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I've dragged out this lesson of energy and conscienceness for so long where now all i experience is usually tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I have to take self responsibility for all I've created in energy and consciences where it could have been simpler for me to not have to be in this constant state of exhaustion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel victimized by feeling tired all the time, where I see how I created it, I just wish I had known better of what i was doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I didn't have any choice where for the most part of my life I've had self forgiveness, I've had a choice but instead I brought it to a point of destruction where I am now like somehow it wasn't my fault that I'm in this state of energetic depletion all the time.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry I let things build up to a point of abuse where I didn't take a stand in self forgiveness I just let all the energy of conscienceness keep building up until I really saw that there was no other way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could go back and have done things the best way for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the best of the path I choose where that I would never have made the same mistake again is how I see i have learned my lesson.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how doing my best to move forward and take action is not enough to stop how long I'll have to drag things out before I can resolve years of energy accumulating in my mind and body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking on the black hole within me of all the energy I've drained from myself and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to not having the specific words i need to move myself into action but instead just seeing how Everything in my life has contributed to this point of constant exhaustion within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that I've wasted my life and potential up to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear only hoping that I'll be able to hit on any important elements of this tiredness where in already working on it I've seen different elements open up and changes happening, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry I have to keep building up foundation for this point where I want to just dive in and get it all sorted out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I'm trying my best why am I in this situation, where it's only recently that I've been able to reach this point of really challenging my best potential and so only then did this point even open up at all for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be entitled to being able to resolve this point where I've had to go through my whole life just to get to a point where I can begin to really address this deeper layers of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry I have to walk it out in time and it's going to continue to eat at me like cancer until I can walk out this tiredness within me.

When and as I see myself angry at the whole situation I've created in all the conscienceness every I've produced through my life leading me to nothing but tiredness and the struggle of having to walk it out, I stop, I breathe, I realize the anger and resistance is only going to drag things out further, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility by doing things the best I can, I commit myself to take on this point of tiredness in patience one day at a time until I reach a resolution and then move on to the next point and do the same the next time where I can always be angry about what I have to walk through or I can just do my best and take a stand within myself and my life.

...

I need to bring up dreams more specific, as long as I can remember when I sleep I really really dream, I have big wild dreams, that I could pick through for days and not find an end of just all these endless fantastic dreams.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not do the math where I build up all this mental experience and energy through the day, and it's kind of whatever but there's lots of it and it's out there, and then I get tired, and go to bed, and then I have crazy amazing dreams.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize all I do all day long is create mental energy which then is the seeds that produces my dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question where dreams come from where the math is right here, I have all these experiences all day and then a dream is pooped out.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that I can't have these amazing dreams at night out of no where, they come from my day all the energy and reactions and everything is producing the dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my life as a dream factory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just being an illusion factory where dreams are just nothing but they seem like they are something, so I think throughout the day that I'm something more when I'm just a dream catcher.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I've settled for nothing as just being a dream weaver.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the stress and strain and struggle of becoming more then just a dream robot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider how I'm at wits end in terms of exhaustion I can't afford to live as a dream anymore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue myself as life completely where I accept that my life somehow isn't full of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a dream eater instead of reaching my ultimate potential out of blame of the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view their being no point because the system is too messed up why not just enjoy my dreams where, I need to try my best, try to live a life, not a fantasy, where I'm miserable all day just for a gamble at some amazing transcending dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gample my energy all day on a big dream that will do what for me? I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I've been dupped, my dreams are just a moment of postive in trade for a whole day of negative and that just screws life over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dupped where what's the point, why bother, I can't change anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I can change myself for real and stop my mind, I can give and share that with other's, I can be the change I'd like to see, but I'd have to completey in all ways stop my dream production.

I commit myself to completely stop my dream production and become a living force of change and self forgivness and to keep doing lots of self forgiveness and forget about dreams and just use them to look for points to write about.

When and as I see myself caught up in how amazing my dreams are, I stop, I breathe, I realize my dreams are postive amazing, the rest of my life is super negative amazing, as amazing how misrable I make myself all day just to have a surreal dream moment, thus, I commit myself to stop creating all these experiences and emotions and feelings just to have a moment of dreaming and sleeping where it's not worth it, I commit myself to realize it's not worth it no matter how pretty the dreams are it's always better to cut out both the opstive and the negative and just live to my best without the up and down of a down misrable day just for a postive up of dreams for a few minutes.