Day 341- god

Desteni.org

My closest connection to the word god is when things seem to happen outside of my normal idea of things happening.

When I think about why I have the life I have, why other's have the lives they have, why certain things happen.

So really when I look at it I've been painting my life as 'gods will', without realizing I believe in a god through not standing equal to the word god...

I have shifted god to explaining coincidence and things I can't understand or explain.

I really have stripped myself of so much authority and comprehension of reality in the name of gods will, which becomes what's natural, pre ordained, my behavior my decisions and the consequences there of all gods will...

But when I look back in self honesty, I remember making decisions that sculpted the people I associate with, my opportunity in income and education, I remember being a kid and the things I did as a kid to be liked and to have fun and express myself.

I see government and fear and friends becoming my god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see god as being too much for me to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the word god because I hate how I've given my godly authority over my life away to everything that degrades me and makes me less of a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate all the memories that come back to me when I look at myself as a god creating my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of god as the eyes of judgement over my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud as through the eyes of god that I got to where I have in my process however I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the external where I'm not god where there are other gods in other human bodies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as god to make myself feel good but to not change who I am within living for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to predict the outcome of my life like I imagine a godly entity would be able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate seeing through the eyes of god how I rushed to get out of high-school every day, and rushed to get out of work, and rushed to get out of conflicts and didn't slow down to develop anything or to learn anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear as a god being destroyed for living in separation as self interest which had to all fizzle out for me see and understand that my life could have been more up to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning god because it's questioning myself and the life I've sculpted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as god is inherently good when that's just a feel good spiritual idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that god wasn't even a word at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everything on the word of god when I as myself have created the word of god because the thought the idea exist as me and my word and creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather give up then face myself as the word of god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to give god a definition redefined and then figure it out from there.

I redefine god as the decider, where gravity is the god of deciding that things stick to earth, the part of the cat that decides to do things and is the direct decider over the cat is god of the cat, the part of me that is deciding to write this and makes decisions that lead to consequences and then behaviors and does the direct things is god of me as myself as god of me, god of things happening for a reason can be something making things happen hidden from my awareness or it could just be all the living beings just doing their thing and happening to collide into each other.

When and as I see myself desperate to figure out and understand the god outside of myself as the god of other's and the god of what's behind the scenes out of my awareness, I stop, I breathe, I realize that separating myself from god as living my definition of god will only dis-empower me from whatever the truth is, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility of my relationship to my life and it's creation on my end and to whatever other gods as beings human or otherwise to figure there own godlessness out as their responsibility alone.

So then all the gods come together and then now that Desteni says only the gods that finish process this life get to be gods of life anymore I need to definitely
focus my attention on myself as god so I can be a god of life by being the best through self forgiveness and correction.

Day 340- my sound signature

Desteni.org

I struggle with words. I speak my mind because I have no real word I live by.

My mind speaks more then I do, I never found my word, never aligned myself with my word.

I don't know my word, I don't know what I've said or am saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of how I've not found my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what my word is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing if my word is worth anything or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my word getting bogged down with my thoughts and backchats.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing how to use my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my word when I like to be alone with my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to perfect my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to let my word do whatever I feel like wording.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having to perfect my tounge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my words are perfect when that's just an idea that I can see is wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate not knowing what to do with my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go crazy letting my mind spin out of control in my head then letting this form my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my word not seeing how core and crucial a part of me it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have no clue where I'm taking my word because I have had no idea that I'm living my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my own word seriously.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my word has been slipping away my entire life since I can remember.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to make my word grand and worth something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be inspiring with my word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to decide for myself what my word is and how I use it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for speaking out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my word is my sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing my sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how bogged down I've let my sound become that I can't speak clearly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my sound be corrupted by my own thoughts and mental bubble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my sound signature being too deep for me to manage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for losing control over my sound.

When and as I see myself beating myself up for not directing my sound in total perfection and dignity, I stop, I breathe, I realize that my sound is a part of who I am, thus, I commit myself to trust myself as the only one responsible and capable of managing my specefic creation as my sound signature.

Day 339- Pooh

Desteni.Org

The truth is in the pooding.

It's to me the secret.

I just can see it, poo is inside it's not me, but I hold it always.

It's something I create.

The secret is to walk with poo breathe by breathe.

I must stop fighting the poo.

If I can balance poo and breathe I can become my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate always being at odds with the poo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everything on poo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsability for the poo inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate being stuck guided by poo.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept that the poo is in me and I must deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate my process because it revolves around poo and not all the pretty pictures in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that poo has the final say about my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on poo instead of on breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on poo instead of on breathe becuse breathe happens constantly poo happens occasionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to short cut my way to poo.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate breathe because it's something that is constantly putting the ball in my court.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate that breathe won't work with me if I don't forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind get in the way of the negotiations between me breatheing and pooping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how fucked up the coordination between poo and breathe in my living got because I let my life fall apart based on choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that this misalignment in me is based on what I accepted and allowed myself to create through my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create in me a mind that doesn't take poo and breathe into consideration.

When and as I see myself fearing the twisted mind I've created that does not support me with poo and breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize that poo and breathing are my references points for my life and I have supressed them both as I have supressed my whole life through fear, thus, I commit myself to live to create balance between breathe and poo.

I commit myself to forgive until I can balance poo and breathe.

Day 338- one stupid solution

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate having only one solution as self forgivenss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pathetic having only one solution as self forgivness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate droning on in self forgivness all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear seeming obnoxious repeating self forgviness all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for not understanding that I've eliminated all other possibilities in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm overlooking soemthing in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong about self forgivness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bother having opinions about self forgivness when I don't have any other options anyways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decieve myself into thinking there is other options when that's a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge repeating self forgivness endlessly as being making me an idiot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an idiot when I tried to walk my process without self forgivness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an idiot for not being able to think up something like self forgivness on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an idiot when self forgviness is the only thing that makes the discomfort go away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when self forgviness is the only way I know how to heal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an idiot when I have no other way to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear using self forgivness as a crutch where I have nothing else if I want to live a life of any substance.

When and as I see myself feeling like an idiot for using self forgivness all the time and seeming stupid, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I have no choice if I want to have any quality of my life for me and other's, thus, I commit myself to stop being egotistical about how stupid the situation I'm in is and just keep sticking to the plan.