Day 341- god

Desteni.org

My closest connection to the word god is when things seem to happen outside of my normal idea of things happening.

When I think about why I have the life I have, why other's have the lives they have, why certain things happen.

So really when I look at it I've been painting my life as 'gods will', without realizing I believe in a god through not standing equal to the word god...

I have shifted god to explaining coincidence and things I can't understand or explain.

I really have stripped myself of so much authority and comprehension of reality in the name of gods will, which becomes what's natural, pre ordained, my behavior my decisions and the consequences there of all gods will...

But when I look back in self honesty, I remember making decisions that sculpted the people I associate with, my opportunity in income and education, I remember being a kid and the things I did as a kid to be liked and to have fun and express myself.

I see government and fear and friends becoming my god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see god as being too much for me to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the word god because I hate how I've given my godly authority over my life away to everything that degrades me and makes me less of a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate all the memories that come back to me when I look at myself as a god creating my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself through the eyes of god as the eyes of judgement over my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be proud as through the eyes of god that I got to where I have in my process however I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the external where I'm not god where there are other gods in other human bodies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as god to make myself feel good but to not change who I am within living for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to predict the outcome of my life like I imagine a godly entity would be able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate seeing through the eyes of god how I rushed to get out of high-school every day, and rushed to get out of work, and rushed to get out of conflicts and didn't slow down to develop anything or to learn anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear as a god being destroyed for living in separation as self interest which had to all fizzle out for me see and understand that my life could have been more up to this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning god because it's questioning myself and the life I've sculpted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I as god is inherently good when that's just a feel good spiritual idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that god wasn't even a word at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame everything on the word of god when I as myself have created the word of god because the thought the idea exist as me and my word and creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather give up then face myself as the word of god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to give god a definition redefined and then figure it out from there.

I redefine god as the decider, where gravity is the god of deciding that things stick to earth, the part of the cat that decides to do things and is the direct decider over the cat is god of the cat, the part of me that is deciding to write this and makes decisions that lead to consequences and then behaviors and does the direct things is god of me as myself as god of me, god of things happening for a reason can be something making things happen hidden from my awareness or it could just be all the living beings just doing their thing and happening to collide into each other.

When and as I see myself desperate to figure out and understand the god outside of myself as the god of other's and the god of what's behind the scenes out of my awareness, I stop, I breathe, I realize that separating myself from god as living my definition of god will only dis-empower me from whatever the truth is, thus, I commit myself to take responsibility of my relationship to my life and it's creation on my end and to whatever other gods as beings human or otherwise to figure there own godlessness out as their responsibility alone.

So then all the gods come together and then now that Desteni says only the gods that finish process this life get to be gods of life anymore I need to definitely
focus my attention on myself as god so I can be a god of life by being the best through self forgiveness and correction.