Day 348- Fantasy/Day dreaming

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted day dreaming as a part of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fantastic value to my day dreaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use day dreaming to escape from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give day dreaming fantasies value over my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my day dreams believing I was tapped into done other world or dimsion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fred into my day dreaming so much that I didn't even see just being here in silence as ever possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to warp my perceptions of reality with day dreaming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish who I am here as life with day dreaming fantasy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made imagintion the point of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to nose my purpose in life to escape into imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminsh my real living creative potential through imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself value through my own imagination of fantasy world and images conjured in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my fantasy world's are real and relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find no purpose for myself but to be duped into fantasy cult of my own imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selifsh giving myself only the purpose but to feed my self interest in imagination denying what's here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how debilitated I am in functioning and working with what is real die to my imagination addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to outsmart life by fueling my own idea of reality as fantasy mind images.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doom myself to a fantasy life in my head without any substance to back it up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to dissaossiate myself with my fantasy world pushing myself too hard in my living in the past over working myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how far I would have taken my fantasy imagintion through spirituality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior now believing I've conqured my fantasy imagation when it's still a deep part of my mind until I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear when my fantasy world clashes with reality and I'm put out unable to cope with what's real having invested too Mich in falsehood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to build myself up in my ego in other ways to supress how Mich I've given up to my imagintion over time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm tapped into something bigger then myself through my imagintion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my fantasy day dreams allowed me to see more of exsistance then what's here which everyone can agree on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in special due to my own imagination worlds and fantasy where I'm more then what I am as a human

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that a fantasy life isn't what I really wanted for myself because I only could live that life by half assinf through school and not applying myself to anything where now I'd like to be able to apply myself to things.

When and as I see myself regretting ruining my life though feeding into my imagintion in spirituality instead of working with what's real, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I still have to spend the rest of my life trying to change myself within this point focusing on real living and application, thus, I commit myself to breathe and to work with what I need to do to change within my mistake.

I commit myself to focus on breathing being aware and directive in my breathe in each breathe where within this i can't go into fantasy or spiritual experiences and must face what's here

Day 347- missing my dad

Desteni.org

I don't write about my dad passing that much, I took a lot of pride in my will to just move on without being phased by his death despite growing up with him and him being there my whole life.

Around the time of his passing I remember when I would talk about it, it was like there was a point of 'feel sympathy for me', even though I wasn't very upset I remember even talking about his death in a grim voice like trying to make it seem like it was more then what it meant to me.

That was about all the impact of his death and then my relationship to it was just using it to manipulate others to feel bad for me just because without a goal behind it just seeing it as something that empowered me gave me character in the eyes of others, which is an entire point to write out a really twisted thing to have done in my words in my relationship to others.

But I'm just remembering that point right now, but the point I want to work on is how when my mom will talk about dads passing, it will remind me of it, where if she didn't speak about it so often I'd not really remember, but sometimes in those moment of her talking about him, I'll remember him, and then when I remember him I'm shocked, because when I really remember him, I remember his as such a good person, I remember him as having such a unquie expression, being such an individual, such a caring person, such humor, and then there's like a little blink of sadness, like feeling a little sick for just a moment realizing who I've lost not in my relationship to him but in what relationship I could have had with him maybe, like I wish that guy had lived longer her was really intresting and unquie, I wish I'd gotten to know him better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad when I remember who my dad was on a deep level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not getting closer to my dad while he was alive where in retrospect I remember just how much depth there was too him that I wish I could have gotten to know him closer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal that he died, like 'that was my dad, that's not fair that my dads dead, I wanted him to stay alive, he's mine'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as selfish for not caring about such a unquie person who could have been so good for me in my life to have passed away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not getting to have gotten closer to my dad when I made my choice for how to spend my time and my focus and I got what I deserved out of it as nothing but consquences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an idiot for missing out on getting to know my dad where if I had just sorted my own shit out sooner I'd have been in the postion I am in now, where now, I'd have loved to have my dad around and would have appreciated him much better now then before.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just Define it as fate that I was at where I was at in my process that I was so isolated and compromised that I didn't even notice as my dad was swept up from under my feet and dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that such a great person died when I remember my dad when everyone dies, and it's not like being a good person means you don't have to face death, which he did even face in a kind of dignity from remembering how quiet and peaceful he was about dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my dads death for my own agenda like becoming a character within it like, 'wow I really just don't care, I'm very indiffrent, very powerful in just being so selfish to not care about anything.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad in self intrest that I didn't get to know my dad better where,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret realizing how special and unquie a person my dad was until after he is gone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my dad as special as being a unquie person where he seemed diffrent he seemed to stand out from anyone else I've ever known in retrospect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that the world had lost his unqiue expression when being a unquie person doesn't really matter at this point in time when things need to start changing it doesn't really matter if unquie people exist or not unless theyre unquie and standing out in making a good change in themselves and others which I do think my dad did because he was a very good father in some ways, but in other ways he could have taught me more dicipline and not been so laze fair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possive over my dad like that's mine, that was my dad, I owned that dad, it was my friend, my buddy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my dad as my best friend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disgusted in sadness that I'll never find a friend as good as my dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go out of control after my dad died.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotionally out of contorl after my dad passed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my dad back to be able to build upon myself through him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I have no direction without my dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I've lost something in my dad dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad such a happy person has died.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments when he was dying and he was no longer the happy person he used to be in those moments but was drained of his character like he wasn't himself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss having such a happy person around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry seeing such a happy person get tortured by disease for over a year being stripped of their happieness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel horrified of the evil being done onto a good innocent happy man as I saw my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume all these things of my dad as a good happy person when I only saw things from my limited end and don't really know who he was in his depth where I know there was a lot of depth to him and know that his happy persona was only one part of him, where I know he had a grim serious side to him as well, which was pretty cool to see how he could swtich around like that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that I wish I could go back and be with him again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I can't appreciate him like I did when I was younger anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I didn't appreciate my dad in the last few years of his life where I stopped going out and playing tennis with him like I used to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not playing tennis with him the last few years of his life because I was so isolated and in my own head and not involed with the world around me in a dark part of my own process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my dad died because of me because he was such a family person that maybe I killed him, mabye he got sick because he saw me drifting away and just gave up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at myself for being selfish that even if it wouldn't have saved his life I wish I'd not have been so selfish and isolated in my own bubble to at least have spent better quality of time with him when even the times we had together I was so bubbled in my own fantasy world that I wasn't great compony.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my dad because he made a lot of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I am not sad about my dad passing because I don't think about it and it doesn't come to mind where right now I'm getting a little sad it's just a very burried emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that I'm resolved in relationship to my dad based on surface evidence not really digging int deep like right now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss going on vacaction with my dad where he loved getting to take me and mom out on vacation and he worked very hard and seemed to desrve it to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncontrolable sadness remembering my dad like there's nothing in me that has the will power or grip to be able to take on those memories of him head on, where they just don't come up on their own and don't bother me unless I really directly gaze into them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unresolved in relationship to my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about my dad then other people equally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I must have some special release for such a special pesron when people die all the time I just don't see them special like my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fixate over this point of my dad being special when whatever was special about him being diffrent and unquie he was still one and equal to anyone else, whatever it was I saw in him I could realize it in myself by simply being able to see it in him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my dad as special in selfishness the same way I see myself as special in selifhly valuing things of myself over others, and so doing the same to my dad, and so then feeling I've lost a special part of myself in my dad better then everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at how stupid the entire situation of his death was, that I see it as if he should have just held out a little bit longer and then maybe he'd have gotten better as I've gotten better in my own internal issues.

When and as I see myself feeling sad about my dads death remembering his unquie expression, I stop, I breathe, I realize that him having a special unquie expression that really stood out from anyone else doesn't make him less or more then one and equal just diffrent but still equal, the same way a cat and a dog or both unquie in being diffrent from each other but one and equal in substance, thus, I commit myself to breathe, and to relax not obsessing over my memories of him but also not supressing them just letting them all ride out letting them flow the same way that I remember my dad having a flow about him.

I commit myself to stop obsessing over how horrible it was that my dad died as seeing him as special, as I realize his death was equal to every other being who dies every day, and I sinserely am just holding onto him in sadness because I've judged him as special somehow.

Day 346- adrenaline junkies

Desteni.org

I climbed up a little hill and was sitting on a cliff, it was not very high I'd probably be ok even to jump off it unless I landed wrong, but I wasn't even close to the edge, but it still made me nervous just that if I stumbled off somehow and landed poorly I'd be in trouble.

I wrote out about my nervousness of being on the cliff and how the fear of falling is what would make me more likely to fall out of fear itself, where the safest choice would be to not go into fear because fear can throw off your balance and prevent you from acting properly which is like an analogy for fear in any situation, fear always compromise the best action to be made.

I wrote out that part in self forgiveness, but then thought about people who enjoy not just being on a cliff, but on the edge of a cliff, and a very higher one then I was near.

I remembered a point of how I've grown disdain for people who do parkour jumping from roof to roof, or messing around on high places, and doing those adrenaline hunting activities.

I remember always disliking even skateboarding which I saw as really dangerous.

I used to think some videos of people climbing up high places without protective gear as maybe cool at some point, but can remember slowly finding a sense of maturity like they shouldn't be doing that, I don't think it's cool they're doing that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies as stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior to adrenaline junkies like 'I would never put myself in that danger'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate adrenaline junkies thinking 'why would you risk throwing your life away like that'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel superior to adrenaline junkies thinking of how upset my mom would be if she knew I was doing something dangerous like they do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies as not being brought up properly where maybe there moms would enjoy seeing them doing stunts until one went wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear hearing about the times where things go wrong with adrenaline junkies where a stunt goes bad and they die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about adrenaline junkies when I see them in videos or images

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as better then adrenaline junkies because I don't risk hurting myself falling off of things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies even though I relate to them in saying things about living on the edge to find yourself where they must be so focused in that moment that they're almost walking there own process with there bodies in that moment of balance in dangerous places.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies as going about finding themselves all wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why I dislike adreanline junkies so specifically more then anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take adreanline junkies choices to do dangerous activies personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to empathise with adrenaline junkies imaginig there suffering if things go wrong for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies as seeking attention through taking unnesisary risks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate adrenaline junkies where I don't struggle with hate towards even people I know acting out horrific acts where I just relate to them in my head imaging that they must be suffering inside and sick inside to hurt someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear claiming that adreanline junkies are sick in the head because that goes against 'america' and 'Freedom'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear calling out adreanline junkies as being evil for putting there lives at risk for a thrill when they could do something good with there lives instead of living on the edge selfishly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine an adrenaline junky arguing with me about there freedom to choose to live that way where I could say that something could go wrong very easily and that they should rather put their lives to doing good then riksing it for there own self interst.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being too hard on adrenaline junkies who risk there lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing where to draw the line where some people who do crazy stunts that aren't that dangerous but still could go wrong where even driving a car is dangerous if you make the wrong move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge adrenaline junkies when I don't even know where to draw the line where I saw a video of a guy biking down a mountain which looked really cool but even that could have been dangerous for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about where to draw the line in disagreeing with someone else about what activities are too risky instead of just being the example I like where I'd rather not see a cool video of someone riding there bike down a mountain just to be on the safe side even though it's not that dangerous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a boring person for wanting my example to be living on the safe side of things far away from the edge.

When and as I see myself judging adrenaline junkies as stupid, I stop, I breathe, I realize where they're coming from just having a diffrent line in the sand about risk then I do, thus, I commit myself to breathe and to accept I can't stop them from standing for there free choice to put there lives at risk.

I commit myself to express my side of things as staying on the safe side.

I commit myself to not argue with adrenaline junkies where they are aware of the risk of there actions and It's not my responsibility
to convince them to change.

Day 345- Redefine Firm

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm with stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just hope that if I don't feed into my mind that it will just go away like it's a hungry animal seperate from me needing to be firm to stop that part of me of my mind that nags me with reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the responsability of being frim with my mind to stop it and assert myself here in breathing in being physical working with what is relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having it in me to be firm with my thoughts and my reactions like 'I can't help that sometimes I just react to things or have things on my mind'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let thoughts and noises in my head which I do not want to be there to linger as if 'I'm breathing and nothing is changing so there's nothing I can do', when I can be firm, put a little effort into it, make some noise of my own, breathe, be firm, me my expression I'm being firm I'm not having this I don't have to put up with this, this is me a part of me and I don't have to take this from myself essensially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as being frim with my mind where I realize I do still enjoy the comfort of certain parts of my mind which I always could have been more firm with if I had choosen to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm with myself in what I accept and allow, where 'I hope whatever I'm accepting and allowing in my words and deeds is all sorted out', instead of being firm and being firm with myself what I"m accepting and allowing and to stand by that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm with who I am, where this is who I am in this moment and I'm not going to let my seperation define who I am in writing in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm in my breathing to support me as a statement I'm here I'm breathing where I let myself wander off and not remain focused on my brething where if I'm not firmly aware and directive in my breathe then I don't know where I am in energy systems somewhere else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate living the word firm trying to breathe firmly and be firm thorughout my whole body instead of applying it in a way that I can work with with better refrence, as firmness of breathe, I'm breathing I'm here I'm firm within my stance breathing here, firmness of stopping my thoughts, I'm stopping this thought this thing in my mind I'm being firm with my stopping of this I'm not just going to give up because it keeps coming back into my head I"m being firm this will stop, firm in who I am I'm not letting someone else have the right to tell me who I am I"m being firm who I am I'll decide if I'm mistaken for myself firm in my self athuority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm in my dicipline where I create reasons to excuses to let my dicipline slide

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sepearte myself from firmness in breathe where I get lost in the expereince of feeling firmness in a breathe and then drifting off instead of being firm in the entire breathe process of in and out over and over constant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm with my relationships where I'll talk to people and say thigns to peopel without really questioning who I am and firmly taking a clear stance within myself of who I am in talking to someone what talking to people really means.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a firm stance in checking who I am in relationship to X where I don't question my relationship to X because I just have fun and then assume everything is fine with me and X.

I redefine firm as the strong grip on something

Firmly acting, this is what I"m doing, I'm firm I'm decisive this is how it is no space for anything that isn't me directing myself.

Firm unwavering in my dicipine this is my plans for today and that's what I'm doing

Firm with my own mind, this is my mind I don't accept that I simply must be in a constant radioactive state where I react to everything I am firm I decide that I'm not reacting, I don't have to wait to write this point out I'm stopping myself from reacting here and now, firm, decisive. living words.

I commit myself to be firm in stopping my reactions, where I see myself all the way though stopping my reactions to something before it can grow, and even if I haven't written it out yet as changing in living practice real time.

I commit myself to be firm in who I am where I don't accept 'I don't know what I'm putting thorugh so I'll just hope it's all good because I don't know', Instead I decide this is what I'm saying and I'm firmly saying this one thing nothing else, I'm not being malicious, I'm not being hidding something with myself, this is who I am firmly in what I"m saying in this moment, FIRM living word, I'm firm in what I'm saying, I have no doubt in what I"m saying I nkow what I'm saying it's me saying it.

I commit myself to be firm in my breathing where I am firm in each part of the breathe in and out, where I firmly breathe in, and I firmly breathe out, I am firm in the transition from in to out I don't get side tracked because in the time it would take to get distracted by energy in breathing the in or out has already shifted so I'm allowing myself to be distracted instaed of moving with the consant awarenss of in and then out frimly.

Day 344- Meaningless Commitments

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making commitments in my corrections in writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting to do my commitments making them pointless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disconnect myself from the point of commitments in my correction process not wanting to have to face the real question of does this commitment mean anything, does it matter, is it not just words to pretend like I'm actually committing myself to something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the truth that I have no relationship to my commitments unless they are direct things like to breathe, to redirect myself inside within my focus, or my actions to literrally change and make a real living commitment in real phsyical life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making commitments like to live certain words without any context for how to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my commitments try to change myself not in correction but to try to be more then what I see myself as in living breathing making choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make commitments that just sound cool or nice without being grounded like to commit myself to live with more grace or more flow when I don't know how to do that I'd just say it and hope that something comes out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hostile towards having to make commitments more then just stopping breathing and then chaning my real actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have commited myself to be more graceful because I had an idea of what it might be like to live and move in grace and express that as a real living part of me but no idea how to actualize it without having to remember to apply it and look for it within myself and not wanting to risk going into my head obsessing over living a word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually living certain commitments in fear that they'll lead to me just being up in my head and not even being reasonable to apply being just energetic mental not being lived

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning the limits of commitments where I could live patient by commitng myself to be patient with someone by not snapping at them and letting them finish everything they have to say natrually but to live the word stable in every breathe I'd have to be doing what I already do in trying to not think and just focus on breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commiting myself to something that I would always have to be paying attention to like if I commit myself to live the word grace in all of my movement I'd have to focus so much on every single movement I make that it seems almost counter productive then to just live grace in being natrual and not super focusing on doing and moving a certain way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my limitations in commitments where my commitments should be things I can reasonably enforce and actively act upon when the time comes not something to just hope sorts itself out somehow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not exspand my living through commitments and living words within commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to constantly push the envelope of making these big commitments that don't really mean anything and aren't very well defiend in me to be applied to be practiced and pay attention to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept self responsability for my commitments means to write them in knowing how I"m going to live them and that I'm going to be accountable for it they don't work out or need to be further perfected

When and as I see myself about to write out a commitment statement, I stop, I breathe, I realize that whatever I"m about to write should actually mean something, and should be something I can always look back on and say I need to improve on that or that is a commitment that worked out, thus, I commit myself to explore and have fun with what I can do in my commitment statements, but to make sure that whatever I write isn't just direah but something I can atleast question if I"m living it, where I should be able to say every commitment statement I write I'm living it or am in the process of readjusting it

So there's the commitment to just breathe and to focus on the physical the breathe the physical feelings

The commitment to change more direct then the inside breathing and awareness as changing the words I say, the things I do.

Then the part I'm sorting out in this writing is what if I am not changing what I do but who I am in doing it, where I can share myself in wanting to be noticed or be recognized for my ego, or I can share myself in a genuine way, where I'm doing the sam
e thing but I'm changed in who I am within it,

so then, that might be living the word trust worthy, like I'm living the word trust that I can be trusted to be sharing myself on principle apposed to with lingering hopes and exspectations of being received and read and remembered

I might talk to the same person, but my point of talking to them might be to support them, to reach out, to exspand to co create, while it's also possible I might talk to someone to talk to someone out of feeling bored or feeling loney, same action as speaking to someone but to change who I am within it within a commitment, I commit myself to speak to X not out of wanting to feel cool being friends with a cool person, but instead to speak with them in living the word question where I question is speaking to this person allowing the abuse that they allow to go unquestion with me as an ocomplice? Where this questioning might be internal but is still a part of me living a word something simple not needing to be thought about in defining it, or I could live the word question by questioing my relatioship to X by writing it out on paper where I already write things out so could mabye exspand by living the word question within it, like I'm questioning what I'm writing right now, I'm focusing as I write on putting myself under the microscope and into question, living the word question in living which could be translated to a commitment

If I have a thought that I just can't seem to shake, no matter how much I write it out, I might be supported by a commitment, a living word in that commitment, I commit myself to when I can't just slow down breathe and shake the thought of X from my mind to live the word firm, in not just stoping and breathing but doing so in a firm way, making a more firm statement then usual, saying I have been thinking of this thing even though I'm putting in my normal amount of effort to stop and breathe so I"m instead going to have to stop and breathe in a more firm more decsisive way until the point is stopping.