I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making commitments in my corrections in writing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting to do my commitments making them pointless
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disconnect myself from the point of commitments in my correction process not wanting to have to face the real question of does this commitment mean anything, does it matter, is it not just words to pretend like I'm actually committing myself to something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the truth that I have no relationship to my commitments unless they are direct things like to breathe, to redirect myself inside within my focus, or my actions to literrally change and make a real living commitment in real phsyical life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making commitments like to live certain words without any context for how to do so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my commitments try to change myself not in correction but to try to be more then what I see myself as in living breathing making choices.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make commitments that just sound cool or nice without being grounded like to commit myself to live with more grace or more flow when I don't know how to do that I'd just say it and hope that something comes out of it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel hostile towards having to make commitments more then just stopping breathing and then chaning my real actions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have commited myself to be more graceful because I had an idea of what it might be like to live and move in grace and express that as a real living part of me but no idea how to actualize it without having to remember to apply it and look for it within myself and not wanting to risk going into my head obsessing over living a word
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually living certain commitments in fear that they'll lead to me just being up in my head and not even being reasonable to apply being just energetic mental not being lived
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear questioning the limits of commitments where I could live patient by commitng myself to be patient with someone by not snapping at them and letting them finish everything they have to say natrually but to live the word stable in every breathe I'd have to be doing what I already do in trying to not think and just focus on breathing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear commiting myself to something that I would always have to be paying attention to like if I commit myself to live the word grace in all of my movement I'd have to focus so much on every single movement I make that it seems almost counter productive then to just live grace in being natrual and not super focusing on doing and moving a certain way
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my limitations in commitments where my commitments should be things I can reasonably enforce and actively act upon when the time comes not something to just hope sorts itself out somehow
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not exspand my living through commitments and living words within commitments
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to constantly push the envelope of making these big commitments that don't really mean anything and aren't very well defiend in me to be applied to be practiced and pay attention to
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept self responsability for my commitments means to write them in knowing how I"m going to live them and that I'm going to be accountable for it they don't work out or need to be further perfected
When and as I see myself about to write out a commitment statement, I stop, I breathe, I realize that whatever I"m about to write should actually mean something, and should be something I can always look back on and say I need to improve on that or that is a commitment that worked out, thus, I commit myself to explore and have fun with what I can do in my commitment statements, but to make sure that whatever I write isn't just direah but something I can atleast question if I"m living it, where I should be able to say every commitment statement I write I'm living it or am in the process of readjusting it
So there's the commitment to just breathe and to focus on the physical the breathe the physical feelings
The commitment to change more direct then the inside breathing and awareness as changing the words I say, the things I do.
Then the part I'm sorting out in this writing is what if I am not changing what I do but who I am in doing it, where I can share myself in wanting to be noticed or be recognized for my ego, or I can share myself in a genuine way, where I'm doing the sam
e thing but I'm changed in who I am within it,
so then, that might be living the word trust worthy, like I'm living the word trust that I can be trusted to be sharing myself on principle apposed to with lingering hopes and exspectations of being received and read and remembered
I might talk to the same person, but my point of talking to them might be to support them, to reach out, to exspand to co create, while it's also possible I might talk to someone to talk to someone out of feeling bored or feeling loney, same action as speaking to someone but to change who I am within it within a commitment, I commit myself to speak to X not out of wanting to feel cool being friends with a cool person, but instead to speak with them in living the word question where I question is speaking to this person allowing the abuse that they allow to go unquestion with me as an ocomplice? Where this questioning might be internal but is still a part of me living a word something simple not needing to be thought about in defining it, or I could live the word question by questioing my relatioship to X by writing it out on paper where I already write things out so could mabye exspand by living the word question within it, like I'm questioning what I'm writing right now, I'm focusing as I write on putting myself under the microscope and into question, living the word question in living which could be translated to a commitment
If I have a thought that I just can't seem to shake, no matter how much I write it out, I might be supported by a commitment, a living word in that commitment, I commit myself to when I can't just slow down breathe and shake the thought of X from my mind to live the word firm, in not just stoping and breathing but doing so in a firm way, making a more firm statement then usual, saying I have been thinking of this thing even though I'm putting in my normal amount of effort to stop and breathe so I"m instead going to have to stop and breathe in a more firm more decsisive way until the point is stopping.
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