Day 349- Under the covers

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drain myself out listening to this cover album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated when I listened to this album of covers and didn't feel what I wanted to experience from listening to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get energetically pumped up listening to this album to propel me forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be moved deeply by this cover album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad when I listened to this cover album and it didn't excite me like it had in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to smoke cigarettes to get me more primed to be charged up upon listening to this song to put me in the right place to be moved listening to this album and have big expereinces to feel moved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated I can't move myself the way I've felt moved in the past listening to this cover album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to get more cigarettes and go back to the spots I've been moved by this song before and to recreate the scenario where I had enjoyable expereinces listening to this album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry about my relationship to this album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supressing my desires to listen to this album and have expereinces to then find another energetic crutch to replace the addicitn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to just give in to trying to be moved by this music again to not have to dig through my relationship to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate how drained I am in relationship to this album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate only being motivated to deal with my relationship to this album because i don't see myself being able to drain any more energy from listening to it consistently and reliably.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in relationship to this album.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beleive this album is bad for it being something I use to manipulate myself with emotionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my relationship to this album is bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take this situation and turn it into something good for me as something that supports me in my living and without leaving any need for the songs themselves energetically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel life is better when listeing to these songs when the life feeling better came from inside not from the songs but from the songs as inside a part of me as myself as the sound of the song.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress the idea of life being uplifting and full of good expereinces as a being a deceptive idea that can't be actualized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my desires for life to be fun and joyful as being a deception and that life should be empty and cold and cruel calculating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the hope and belief of what life could be when I listen to this album and other songs too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my conceptions of what is possible in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this album as a crutch to make me feel the expereince all that I'd like life to be at all times ever exspanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my conceptions of what I'd like life to be instead of facing them directly and actually coming to real terms with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life can't be joyful and ever exspanding in enjoyment and pleasure of exsisting.

When and as I see myself desiring to relive the expereinces of joy and hopefulness of what life can be through this album, I stop, I breathe, I realize that whatever the truth of what can be for life is I have to face directly and will never truly come to terms with if I just keep brining out these feelings in this music but never face the underlying point of contention and conflict, thus, I commit myself to breathe to write out and face the points of hopefullness of what life could be which I see in these expereinces listening to this song and to accept whatever comes out in time of if something better sustainable as lifving experession could come out instead of needing to listen to this song to have this feeling and there being nothing else outside of that moment of listening as nothing to actually live express and sustain in a way that works and is healthy for life.