Day 350 - Friends

Desteni.org

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cutting people out of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people taking it personally if I just want to be alone to focus on my life and writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad for desiring to abandon relationships with people to be alone to focus on what matters most for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret making friends out of self intrest for influence and stature to be cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the consquences of making friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag myself down through forming relationships that abuse and don't respect me thorugh my allowance of the relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret every friendship I've ever made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use friends as a game of image and ideas of who I am and others are bred through the friendships I've made.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire friendships to feel cool and liked and accepted where I didn't give myself a higher purpose with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek friendships as a mean of surviving within my own ego and self value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created disgusting hateful friendships with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking myself up just to fall back on friendships again not willing to hold my ground and be clear on what I stand for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my friends take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I'm responsabile to be there as a friend for anyone outside of where I draw my lines of what I accept of my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a stand against friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let abusive friendships drag out for years allowing friendship to become my worst most self destructive pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarassed for letting myself be taken advantage of and self destructed through friendships which I ultimately rarely ever actually cared for the people I've assossiated with individually only caring about who I am seen as by other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never learned every single time any friendship I've had fell through as if it never mattered or became a conflicted desolve of the friendship turning into the polarity as enemies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disgraced by ever having made any friendships except for a handful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life will ultimately be destroied through my patterns of friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my dissolved friendships will be my undoing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my friends turning on me for taking a stand in creating higher standards for what I tolerate in a friendship or assossiation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather let my standard of what I allow of a friend to lessen rather then cut myself out of the relationship all together to play it safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reckeless in my allowance of relationshiops and friendships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the loss of integrity I've allowed through my participation in relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ruin my life in the outflows of my selfish relationships with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of facing in the open my self intrest in terms of every friendship i've ever cultivated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry it's too late to just forgive myself where I've already created consquences through every single friend I've had through my entire life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry I can't respect myself for having turned away from friendships and just having focused on actualizing my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to walk with the consquences of my friendships through the rest of my exsistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it's too late to change who I am in relationship to friendships having dragged out the pattern so much thorugh my whole life being my worst self abusing pattern.

When and as I see myself fearing to take a real stand for what I accept and allow through friendships assossiations relationships, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I don't have to exsplain myself to ending any relationship except in my mind out of fear, thus, I commit myself to redefine my acceptance and allowance in friendships.

I commit myself to hold a higher standard of assossiating only with people willing to consistently walk process, or through a buisness or dating relationship, or through being related through family.