Day 358- Believing self forgiveness is 'too difficult'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret giving up on self forgiveness a long time ago when it seemed too difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret seeing in retrospect that I could have stood and changed the course of my life in taking on the challange despite how big and daughnting it seemed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to feed into the same patterns of simply accepting where I am in relationsihp to self forgiveness because I now see no other choice for the rest of my life but accepting where I am as not challanging myself to take things even further and become more precise and specefic and following through to actually changing and living within my statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret pushing myself to become the best I can be in relationship to my writing and living of self forgiveness now because I've faced the consqeunces of making a run for it, when I would have liked to have stood and faced up to the challange the moment it arouse instead of coming back to it defeated years later only because there's no choice left.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss everything I've learnt and grown and perfected along the way to this point seeing everything as pointless and worthelss without a fundamental grip undersatnding and application of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a mood energetic state of being defeated as not really caring, and just doing it because I have to not beacuse I really see myself as capable and willing to go all the way for whatever it takes of me to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that I've lost and diminished all my drive and inspiration and passion towards process and self forgiveness and am just pushing myself day by day from a point of this is just my life now, this is just what I do, as if who I am within in it doesn't matter anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself and nurture myself in appreciating that I'm here, I am the decesions and consqueences I've made up to this point, and that's ok, because I am here again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress and go numb within myself to not have to face every day all that I've lost in what I've chosen in trying to cheat and manuver my way out of simply sitting down and accepting what I must do and putting everything I have into it for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into depression not seeing anything I could do as worth it due to having fallen in relationship to what could have been for myself if I had not faultered and ran where I was supposed to stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see no reason to not just keep digging myself deeper becoming moody and spiteful seeing myself as inivitably having to stand and fight to stand over and over again for the rest of my life to no end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and go into a mood in relationship to the consquences and points where I've fallen up to this point where I'm within this just feeding into the same pattern all over again and reinforcing it under the guise of trying again, without really changing who I am within it all.

When and as I see myself reacting to the challange of what I must do in relationship to perfecting myself within self forgiveness, I stop, I breathe, I realize that going into a mood over how I've complicated my application and diminished myself is me falling within the same point all over again, and not even willing to accept standing in just the most small simple minute starting point, thus, I commit myself to write myself self forgiveness or speak my self forgiveness consistnetly and regularly every day or where I can every other day as the smallest act of standing in relationship to where I've fallen in giving up to extreme lengths in the past in relationship to self forgiveness.