Day 196- Taking Authority Over Energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the energy I need to function and move myself through my entire day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to withhold energy from myself as the experience of being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things difficult for myself by being tired as withholding my strength from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically shut myself down when I'm tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the energy I need to function and move myself effectively through my day because I don't want to face the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things harder for myself by draining all of my energy when I don't want to face the day and my responsibility for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drain all of my energy from myself out of spite of not wanting to face something in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the thing I have to do as draining all of my energy when it's my body producing the feeling of weak and tiredness and loss of energy not something outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as the creator of the energy I use to function and move myself in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving myself too much energy and burning out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my energy responsibly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will use energy for highs and lows and burn myself out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as creating how much energy I have through mental systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let mental systems regulate my energy upkeep instead of regulating it for myself as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not regulate my own energy effectively to support myself each day as a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blow all my energy on my mind as thinking and being preoccupied to not participate in my direct living and application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not open myself up as one and equal as energy and allow myself to take what I need to do well and function and have fun each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear waking up feeling depleted and not having the energy I require to direct myself through my day.

When and as I see myself not actively working with energy as one and equal as life, I stop, I breathe, I realize energy is a big deal on earth and within myself, thusly, I commit myself to take self responsibility as directing myself as one and equal as energy so I can then have fun and enjoy myself uninhibited by energy constrictions out of spite and distrust towards myself to properly manage myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself from walking through life smoothly and enjoyably when I get energetically messed up inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find it in myself to pu the energy into my living and give myself what I need to thrive day-to-day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the energy I need to function and thrive because I'm not satisfied with my life and what it contains within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically be displeased with how my life is going instead of giving myself the energy I need to function well enough to be pleased with my life regardless of it's circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself enough energy to make my life enjoyable out of blame of my life and the way it's fallen together around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not just drop the things that over-complicate me living the best of what I have as giving myself the energy i need to prospure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I can live feelings and energy as life as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damage my energy flow within my body with clinging onto my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about becoming the person I'd like to be and instead settle for whatever unfolds naturally around me.

When and as I see myself letting my energetic state unfold naturally based on my mind and reactions and external factors, I stop, I breathe, I realize whatever it means to take feelings and energy back to myself in my living I must do and create so to make living better, thusly, I commit myself to take self responsibility for my feelings and energy within my experience in all ways so that I can discover what it means to actually live feelings as life here and so I can function better as a person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't know how to properly mange my energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration that as long as I keep working on my self forgiveness and correction i don't have anything to lose because I can just take it back in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define energy as a threat as something able to lead me astray.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've chosen what direction to take myself in my life wherever a choice was to be made it was my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive energy as something outside of myself in my living when I view it as a powerful dangerous influence over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take risks with living of energy to see what works and what's in my living and what's still in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stifle my energetic process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view myself as being more capable then needing to work with energy when I'm always working with energy as my own flesh and body as everything has energetic elements that everything is composed of as chemistry.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for my energy because i don't want to take any chances of being mislead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and punish myself for being an energy addict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to numb and sedate myself so i won't go chasing after energetic fixes within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for a life of withdrawing away from the risk of abusing energy instead of changing myself and my living to give myself another chance.

When and as I see myself fearing I will abuse energy and not stand one and equal to energy as what's best for life, i stop, I breathe, I realize I'm going to always be in a state of energetic abuse and addiction no matter how much I suppress it, thusly, I commit myself to stand as one and equal to energy to forgive and to change myself for real so I don't have to go on living as an energy addict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to energetically crash.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize It's my mind that's causing my energetic crash, where physically as long as I'm alive, I'm breathing, I'm doing all of my human functining thus I'm not crashing on energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize energetic crashing comes from improper use of energy within my body and living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crash as giving up when I utilize energy incorrectly instead of changing my behavior and trying to correct my living as forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain and weakness accompanied with energetic crashing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I've powered through many different challenges in my life before so there's a reason for when I cave in and crash not to be feared as I realize it's a choice.

Like when I choose to get off the treadmill because I'm feeling tired instead of running until I pass out which would be a potentially deadly choice to make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotionally helpless when I crash on energy as I realize I'm not helpless I've made a choice and am facing the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand one and equal to the consequences of misusing energy.

When and as I see myself misusing energy as abusing the physical thorough my mind as energy as speration, I stop, I breathe, I realize I need to be walking one and equal to energy in a way that supports life, thusly, I commit myself to walk one and equal to energy in a way that supports life as the choice I always make so I don't ever make the choice to abuse energy and harm myself or someone else.

Day 195-

This day I accidentally deleted, so I'm leaving what I have left as a place holder to archive what's left and then just move on to the next day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drain all of my energy as giving up when I don't feel like doing something or being somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up when things aren't going the exact way I'd like then to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I'd like things to be should matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put the energy and effort into things when they are not how I'd like things to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that things will never work out unless everything goes my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for things to go my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things very difficult for myself when I get stubborn and give up because I'm not pleased with the way things are going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on things when I'm at work when I don't want to be at work and would rather do other things.

I forgive myseld that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather be putting my effort into anything other then what I'm currently doing.

Day 194- Falling Back on Old Patterns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not carve a path for myself where I can define myself without facing resistance and falling back on old patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how much I limit myself when I fall back on the same programs every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my capacity to create myself in my living when I fall back on all the things I want to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I fall back on all of my patterns when things get rough because I haven't actually changed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns instead of reasserting myself and creating a new life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns everyday as if I don't even have a choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be robotic where I have no choice but to fall back when I face resistance in a scripted manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back because I fear trying and failing to change myself so I'd rather not try at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want changing myself to be easy so I don't have to push myself or face difficult moments in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have everything fall into place without realizing myself as having to make that alignment within myself where things won't just fall into place outside of me making it happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to in my life be able to just fall back and let everything fall into place when in reality when I fall back on old patterns and don't assert myself everything falls apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for myself when I want everything to just fall into place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire for everything to fall into place instead of being the change I'd like to see in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe I can change myself and not have to fall back on old programming because all I can see is from my mind and I'm not seeing how I've already changed myself outside of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fee like a failure when I fall back on old patterns, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider why I'm falling back on old patterns and why I'm not giving myself the chance to challenge my old patterns instead of just letting them take me over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns to remain within my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of leaving my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to greatly limit my living and capacity to forgive and change myself when I fall back on old patterns so I don't have to leave my comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns because I don't see how I can take any new idea into living change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on old patterns because I'm not willing to take a leap into new realms of living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto many reasons to not realize myself as being able to change and moving myself to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold pot holes as memories and emotions and feelings in my way of asserting myself as change and not falling back on memories emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as capable of going into the depth needed within self forgiveness to clear way for change so I can choose to not fall back on things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I'm falling back on old patterns when I hold myself in suspense out of fear of failing to move myself into the change I realize would be best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on my self suspension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my life without being safely suspended away from the reality of my life and systematization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back on my self suspension because it makes me feel safe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take even just this moment into consideration to realize suspending myself is just restricting myself from moving and changing myself from the parts of me that are a threat to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be damaged and harmed when I suspend myself within my safety net of patterns to fall back on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give purpose and reason to falling back on my safety net when in reality it's just a sensation, as an illusion of security.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trade real security in self movement to self change for a sense of security as being able to fall back on my safety net at any time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without my illusion of security and having to face myself for who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrain myself to protect myself form myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a threat to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scare myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself within a pit of fear so I won't change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control myself with fear instead of controlling myself with actual living change.

When and as I see myself falling back on my safety net
of old patterns, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm being less then what I'm capable of being in each breathe when I do this, thusly, I commit myself to become better as a person by not falling back on the false sense of security I've created within my safety net as I realize it's not protecting me from myself.

Day 193- Turning Anxiety Into Relaxation

Being relaxed can help everyone in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rigid and pensive when I could be relaxed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for being nervous and tense when I could be relaxed which is from what I see ultimately better.

Being pensive and alert might be better in a life or death situation, but maybe not even that, I think for me a lot of pensive and rigidness comes from anxiety, so in forgiving my anxiety I could then change myself to be relaxed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify being anxious when it does not serve me in any way and being relaxed is ultimately better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life harder by creating anxiety.

Why did I create anxiety?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within my own existence and my own body and then blame it on external forces.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify anxiety when it's clearly a bad thing, when compared to instead being relaxed which is ultimately better from where I'm seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be illogical in being anxious instead of doing what's better as being relaxed or anything else even.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about anxiety where I blame it on external forces when external forces did not come into my body and create emotions of stress and anxiety in my body I created them in my own body through my own programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design myself in a way where I automatically create negative emotions and positive feelings based on external stimuli.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design myself in a way where I choose anxiety over relaxation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize relaxation is even an option in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even give myself the choice to be relaxed but instead only give myself to choice to be anxious all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make standing and supporting what's best for life my purpose as a being when I blatantly choose to be anxious and have anxiety instead of just being relaxed and enjoying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose anxiety over what is objectively better as being relaxed and enjoying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life difficult at all times by creating anxiety when I could instead make my life easier at all times by creating relaxation and enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my living more difficult by creating anxiety when I could make my living easier by creating relaxation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as the creator of both anxiety and relaxation thusly having the choice of when and how to implement these things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let anxiety and relaxation be decided by external stimuli where things in the current world will always be stressful and difficult for everyone all the time so I'll always be anxious if I leave it up to the world around me to decide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize myself as being able to create relaxation for myself in each moment where I don't have to base it on my external surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in the experience of anxiety and defining myself by that, where once again I'll always get caught up in anxiety if I leave it up to the world around me to define me, so I need to just forgive my anxiety and reassert myself as what I realize is a better way of living for all of life to pick relaxation over anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an illogical bizarre being which makes things more difficult for myself out of spite as creating anxiety over relaxation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I'm here I am creating myself even though it's mostly currently through programs over time as memory, I still realize I'm here creating myself so I should be relaxing and making things easier for myself.

I commit myself to take my existence into the expression of relaxation all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suspend my being within a bubble of anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hold myself and direct myself within a bubble of relaxation at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be directed by anxiety in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself within living the word relaxation in each moment where I can from there direct and move my life into whatever it is that I need to form myself into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that the way I am is the way that I'm meant to be as anxious and pensive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anxiety is how I'm meant to navigate my world because I can't change it from within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can't change anxiety from within my mind because I've not forgiven and corrected why I create anxiety in the first place.

I commit myself to direct myself in each breathe as relaxation.

I commit myself to take on relaxation as my mode of transportation through my world.

I commit myself to direct myself with relaxation so I can support myself to make it through difficult times and physical labor and responsibilities so that I can put myself in a position to better focus and put effort into my writing of self forgiveness and expansion of who I can be within my world.

When and as I see myself directing myself indirectly through anxiety, I stop, I breathe, I realize I've been greatly deceiving myself in choosing to ruin my life when I could make my life great for myself and other's by becoming the person I'd like to become by choosing what's best for myself as relaxation instead of anxiety, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe choose relaxation over anxiety always as I realize there's never a reason to pick anxiety over relaxation for the most part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick anxiety over relaxation because it really doesn't matter either way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it doesn't matter if I'm anxious or not because I'm living a nihilistic belief personality where ultimately nothing matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ultimately nothing matters as I realize this is just a belief, a thought, something that didn't exist until I created it within my mind as thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety because nothing matters because certain things have been difficult for me in my life so I just decide that nothing matters to compensate for my loss of things going my way in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing matters and become a nihilist when instead I could stop believing in one thing or another and just discover the reality of how things operate and are created and how to navigate a big and dangerous world yet remain afloat within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my direction within myself up to god as nihilism as nothing mattering so who cares if I'm relaxed or anxious as I realize I'm deceiving myself and not being self honest.

When and as I see myself not directing myself as relaxation because 'what does it matter if I'm relaxed or anxious', I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm deceiving myself and am suffering because of my own deception, thusly, I commit myself to take back my self responsibility for my self direction as realizing me supporting life does matter as I direct myself as relaxation in each breathe as my means of moving myself within my world for the time being or until further notice or change or improvement or forgiveness.

Investigate Desteni.org

Day 192- State of Being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let work disrupt my natural flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I need to always rush through work and get done with work so I can go home and return to my preferable state of being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things harder on myself by not allowing myself to maintain my flow, my ability to relax, my ability to be centered, my ability to breathe whither I'm at work, or school, or at home. 

I think about that feeling when I get home for the night, and it's like I'm done with work for today, 'I can relax now'.

I should be relaxed while at work, and lately everything's been more or less blending together where I don't care so much if I'm at home or at work or whatever I'm doing, it all bleeds together in a way. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divide my state of being as my experience of myself based on definitions as being at work or being at school or being at home or being outside. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have different experiences of myself based on definitive factors so when I'm at school I can have a special school feeling, and when I'm at work I can have a special work feeling, and when I'm at home I can have a special home feeling. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chop myself up into little pieces depending on where I am, or who I'm with, or what I'm doing, instead of just maintaining myself as here as breathing as supporting my living condition at all times. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have special feelings related to what I'm doing, or where I'm at, or what's going on around me when this separates myself further from being here with myself and supporting myself which I'm already not satisfied with how that's going. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not maintain the same experience of myself at all times where I'm here as awareness, breathing, supporting myself, managing myself effectively, but instead am chopped up into all these mind compartments. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chop myself up into mind compartments as different states of being based on external stimuli because I view it as not fair that I have to work so hard just to take care of myself and I feel like I don't want to live in a way that implies I condone the way that things are. 

The way I feel right now is how I'd like to feel all the time, I'd like this to be my basis of being, since I'm writing self forgiveness, I'm laying down, I'm at home, I have no particular over baring experience except for wanting to do other things, but besides that I'm just relaxed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to weaken myself by not maintaining a consistent sate of being that isn't always shifting based on external stimuli. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put my energy and strength and channel it into giving myself a better life in being with my body and supporting myself and creating myself instead of getting bogged down by the semantics of who I am, or where I am, or what I'm doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to power through my compartmentalization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle through my dimensional shifting within myself instead of just enforcing asserting and maintaining myself so I can make real progress within myself and actually establish myself within my living. 

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the compartmentalized systems of time I've created, where I'm existing within how much time I have before work, or how much time I have left at work, or how much time I have left to write. 

It's always a matter of how much time do I have. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and define myself experience based on how much time I have left for any given activity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live as one and equal to time as working with time effectively. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit how I'm able to stand and express myself within stability and support within my being where I'm constantly fighting and in conflict with not having enough time, or having too little time. 

When and as I see myself shifting within my being as how I experience myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize the feeling of pressure right before I go to work, or the feeling of pressure to get out of work for example, is not an expression of me being here living my life, it's me being chopped up and diluted within my mind, thusly, I commit myself to not allow myself to shift my state of being based on external stimuli in each breathe I support myself to be here where I can direct myself unmoved, I also commit myself to investigate what kinds of emotions and feelings and ideas are all contributing to me being chopped up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with the experience of waiting, where I'm always waiting to go to work, or waiting to get out of work, where I'm always just trying to push myself through this interval to eventually be done with it all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the state of being of waiting instead of creating myself, or relaxing, or enjoying myself or having fun. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn in refusing to do anything but wait for things to improve on their own, hopefully once I'm done with this interval. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live interval by interval of events and activities and defining my state of being accordingly instead of creating a fulfilling and enjoyable existence for myself in each breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in essence emotionally be hoping as being emotionally desperate that if I can just manage my cards right then I can just wait out the storm and everything will gradually get better. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed in the sate of waiting out of hope that things will gradually become better the longer I wait, when in reality things seem to just degrade worse and worse until I assert myself and make the best of things instead of just waiting. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face the reality of me creating my own pain and suffering and that the longer I wait around without moving myself into action the longer and worse my pain and suffering grows. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mask the reality of me being the creater of pain and suffering within my life when I'm not being self honest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not self honestly address that I create my own misery within my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit around waiting for salvation without self honestly addressing that I've created the hell that requires me to salvage through salvation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a hell for myself by waiting around because I'm too stubborn on a personal level. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait around for salvation out of sheer spite towards myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful that I have to be who I am and can't have a life better suited for me in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as one and equal to creating the best suited life and situation for all of life equally as one and equal to myself. 

I see a lot of deeply seated emotions, and a few things coming up that make sense of certain things, like why am I not getting better in relationship to this or that, and then I realize it's because I'm not taking responsibility for my role in making things to a point that they require to get better, for having made things bad in the first place. 

When and as I see myself waiting for salvation, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm waiting because I'm not standing one and equal to creating my personal hell that requires salvation from, thusly, I commit myself to stand as one and equal to being the creater of my own hell in each breathe so that I can actually move myself into change and action by taking self responsibility for having created all of my problems and mental illnesses in the first place.

Investigate Desteni.org

Day 191- Playing Around With Thinking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cage myself within thinking as holding on an refusing to let go of something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of little things like a thought or a judgement or an experience when I cling onto them by thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit there suffering by my own hands as letting myself think and dig into every little thing within me when I could just let go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a choice to not think about things and think about things when it matters like going to work and scheduling and the things I do realize I can utilize precise and specific thinking to support me with.

All or nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a choice to think about a few specific things and tasks and realize the rest as trash and malice when I make it all or nothing where if I have to think at all I'm going to think about everything nonstop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for my thinking when I allow my personality of all or nothing get in the way of me designing my thinking as something strictly practical and not a non stop aggressive attack on myself and everything around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to stop thinking all at once instead of standing equal to my thinking and walking it out and changing it in time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame all my problems on my restless mind instead of realizing I am the one who is restless so I'm creating restless thoughts and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I am restless to suppress how i feel, instead of addressing how I feel.

I close my eyes and try to stop my thinking as well as not directly create any new thinking and I'm laying down with my eyes closed and I can see and hear thinking popping out of no where, full on sentences and conversations and opinions just coming out of nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a compulsive thinker.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem it normal to have to constantly wrestle with my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my compulsive thinking and backchat go unchecked because I thought I had it under-control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for having my thinking under-control instead of demanding a full on reformation of when and how to manage my thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to draw the line between thinking directly and practically about things like making plans and scheduling or home work or writing for school or for my blog.

Maybe there's a math problem I need to think about, or in writing self forgiveness is a good time to think because I can directly translate that thinking to self forgiveness on the spot.

So what I'm actually dealing with is the compulsive thinking that comes out of nowhere like the song in the back of the head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to restrict my thinking to be in my own voice giving my thinking even more complicity and control because I've judged thinking in my own voice as tolerable but thinking in someone else words voice and personality as paranoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being schizophrenic to have other people's voice in my head apposed to my own, as I realize remembering what someone said in their own voice, remembering a song the way it was sung is all the same, a voice in my head.

Deeper then the surface level of the sound itself, what does thinking represent, being preoccupied, being conflicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my conflict and preoccupations worse by suppressing them with thinking where I can't suppress thinking, so it's the highest on the ladder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my internal conflicts so much that they've been pushed as far away as feasibly possible to the point that thinking takes the place of actually addressing things within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my conflicts within thinking because I fear who I am as creating constant and endless conflict and war within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being bad for having conflict within myself and respond by suppressing the bad parts of myself as the conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand one and equal as conflict by simply forgiving my conflict and moving forward.

I forgive myself that  have accepted an allowed myself to think as a form of holding the conflict I create against myself.

Creating conflict for having created conflict.

Fighting conflict with thinking as more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold anything against myself where if I want to stop being in conflict just stop creating conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate my never ending punishment of conflict within myself where I create conflict for punishment for being conflicted when I realize better then this I just need to take a stand within self forgiveness and correction.

When and as I see myself thinking, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm not facing an underlying problem or conflict within myself and instead am punishing myself by not addressing it and instead thinking, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe face my conflicts directly instead of suppressing and leading to thinking as punishment as more conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with thinking where I let it go on the back of my head and try to just focus elsewhere and ignore it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thinking be something that has significant power over me when I give it that power when I ignore it 'because it has power'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to look away from my thinking where thinking makes me uncomfortable because my thoughts and thinking will go anywhere and I can't settle in because I don't know where my thinking will go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable with the places my thinking goes because I don't want to have to consider what it means every time my mind goes into thinking about something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my thinking power when I'm uncomfortable with where it goes in believing that wherever my mind goes in thinking holds some kind of significance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my thinking power by making it into a big deal instead of seeing what it actually represents as a reflection of my internal discontent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face my internal discontent by thinking where I can be in a day dream of a haze of thoughts and can be in a dream/alternate reality where I can no longer see my discontent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my internal discontent to the point that it has to come through in thinking and daydreams where otherwise I would not notice or recognize my discontent.

When and as I see myself wanting to avoid my thinking because it makes me discontent, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm discontent within myself and my thinking and day dreams are just showing me that, thusly, I commit myself to face my discontent directly instead of trying
to look away and avoid my feelings even when they are presented directly to me in thinking and daydreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed by thinking running in the back of my mind beyond my direct control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed that I have given up my ability to direct my mind over time and programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at what for example songs in the back of my head or backchat means when I can't even get past the surface level of being annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for skimming the surface in relationship to the thinking that happens compulsively in the back of my head when I get annoyed and refuse to even address the backchat or thinking or day dream playing in the back of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to open up thinking happening compulsively in the back of my head because if it annoys me on the surface level surely it just becomes even more annoying when that doesn't even make sense to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed with thinking happening compulsively in the back of my head because it makes me feel like I'm fighting against a weak part of myself, because to me it's weak that I have something that has power over me inside of my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself as one and equal to creating both the thing which has power over me, and the thing which is being overpowered as it's just a paradigm I've created and am fueling every time I get annoyed.

When and as I see myself fueling the paradigm of feeling oppressed by my mind as well as oppressing myself within my mind as thinking, i stop, I breathe, I realize to deal with this point and open it up I need to start on the surface by stopping being annoyed, thusly, i commit myself to stand one and equal to this paradigm of power and weakness in relationship to not being able to control my thinking as I realize I can stand equal to this because I'm creating all elements of it.

Desteni.org

Day 190- Experience of Accomplishment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to accomplish something within each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let my breathe speak for itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as needing to be accomplishing something within myself in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question what am I accomplishing?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to force more of myself as to be moving my process forward in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing myself at a stand still where I experience myself progressing within my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my process by a single experience of progression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my process as my entire existence and everything I am and experience and create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of progressing within my process in each breathe because I don't want to face that it's all just a matter of the time I invest in writing and speaking self forgiveness and that I cannot progress any more then what I've realized and established and forgiven for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tolerate the constant push and pull within myself in each breathe that I define me cleansing or clearing myself or coming to be as I realize it's based on the premise that I comprehend what my process is and what exactly I should look like and then me trying to mold myself only that image within my being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that I have an infallible perception of what I should be within my process and how to become it when I'm learning and changing everything within myself on almost a daily basis where my idea of my process becomes not relevant to me living and expressing my actual process as that i realize and live and forgive.

It goes back then to the question of what should I be doing in each breathe, and at this point for a lot of those physiologically confounding questions I realize I can rely on things to come out naturally to be revealed to me, where as long as each day I maintain my regimen of self forgiveness i don't really need to think much into things I don't understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the question of what should I be doing in each breathe confound me when if I just let go and consider it might as well just be a thought in my head I'm allowing to become cancerous I'd realize the best thing I could do is to let go and forgive move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my ego with the idea of feeling accomplished and feeling like I'm achieving something in ever breathe I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my ego by piling everything into the question of how to be in each breathe and in doing so take all of my attention out of each breathe and into energy and experience of process and progress within it.

In looking to be in each breathe I ironically then accomplish the opposite, in trying to make it into a meditative focus energy thing.

It's a contradiction so let me try to see where I stand in stopping and changing from here.

When and as I see myself trying to accomplish anything within any breathe, I stop, I breathe, I realize trying to accomplish something within my breathing takes me out if my breathe and so is counter intuitive, thusly, I commit myself to not try to accomplish anything within my breathing as an experience of energy or movement which I then define as process and progress but instead just focus on supporting myself to continue walking through my life and my day to day so I can let myself progress and process for real in my self forgiveness where i can actually change and move Myself and come into existence
.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete without the feeling of accomplishment in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what direction to take myself within in each breathe and each moment without a sense of accomplishment for direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by accomplishment and not by myself as what I realize is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obsess over directing myself within each breathe to the point that I'm better of not even bothering just to work with something more natural then me forcing direction and accomplishment onto myself constantly.