Day 428- Doing only what feels good

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate towards what offers the most pleasant stimulation or sensation in my living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only act on my feeling that I enjoy or prefer as personality of which I cannot explain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act on principle of establishing what is best and doing it regardless of the feeling that does or does not come with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that who I really am as in my absolute reality in this moment I can see in my body how I have been living as acting on self interest as feeling has actually created the inverse where I have no connection within my body and am actually suffering proving that the feeling itself is irrelevant and just a point of distraction missing the point of substance where feeling comes from anyways.

I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to not do what feels good as a principle as aligning with what is best and then feeling good about doing what is best where I can trust the feeling as it is aligned with the actual best action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never questioned feelings for myself to this extent either enduring or suppressing never looking at the reality and nature of feeling and sensation as who I am and how to align the point as myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things very difficult more than they need to be to lure myself into the trap and temptation of pursuing feelings over all else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted on what feels good as mind consciousness feel good that developing feeling as a living word is very difficult because of how much I have imbedded feeling as consciousness within myself in this lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself 21 days to focus entirely on doing what is best only and not permitting feeling to indulgence any of my decisions or actions and see who I am and my relation to myself by that 21 day period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined my very process by a feeling and experience sensation and so devaluing who I am as living word and devaluing who I am as created by word and navigating by word and communicating by word where you cannot structure yourself or support yourself merely off of feeling.

I commit myself to attempt a 21 day challenge of acting entirely off of principle of what is best and never acting according to a feeling be it positive or negative. 

When and as I see myself anxious that I would immediately fail at such a challenge, I stop, I breathe, I realize that finding out how quickly I would fail when deprive of feeling as a directive is actually a good reference to see where I am at in self honesty, thus, I commit myself to attempt this 21 day challenge even if it is filled to the brim with constant and ceaseless failure. 

Day 427- living heartbeat

 Heart.

I am trying to live a specific word in a specific way in a specific reason.

In doing so something unrelated opened up. 

Pushing one living word actually pushed forward another word simultaneously. 

Heart.

It seems easy to live the word heart. 

Just like breath.

Yet I've found myself judging it, stopping, and not caring to live the word heart, to live like breath as the heart in each moment.

What happened that I held back my heart? Like one would hold back a breath?

...

To prove it is so simple. 

I'll stop for a moment with star, to write about heart.

...

No fancy words, nothing complicated, no sybmolism. 

Heart, as in heart beat.

Heartbeat

living heartbeat

...

Until it is done.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped being here as breath and as my own heart beat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how much more effective I am i as here as my heart beat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to my own heartbeat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have neglected my heart by not being here as breath and as heartbeat despite seeing and realizing that I could do so and it would be simple and free and supportive and best for all of life, yet I stopped and forgot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry to see my weakness that I would realize something is best as to be here as my own heart and yet stop standing as my heartbeat directing and living the word heartbeat in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I have been living in reality in a point of delusion where I was not living as the beat of my own heart in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not being here as my heart and instead being elsewhere where life is abused and I am not here to intervene on the behalf of life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let a single moment pass where I commit abuse by not beating my own heart.

When and as I see myself not being here with and as my heart, living the word heartbeat, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am abusing myself when I am not here in every living capacity I can be to stop my mind fully in every dimension possible, thus, I commit myself to be here as my heartbeat not only feeling it but directing it in each breath in each moment never missing a single beat.

Day 426- Star part 13, I will be a star

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

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I will be a star.

It is best that I become a star.

It is best for all of life as one and equal that I birth myself in this life as a star.

I must become a star.

It is inevitable that I will be a star.

...

We will all be str fkrs one day.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a choice that I become a star or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to become a star that shines as what is best for all of life as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my past prevent becoming a star in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the brightest star possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not enjoying the process of becoming a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it being improbable that I become a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create comfort within and as myself within the certainty that I will become a star absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there could be potentially obstacles of which I would fall and prevent me from realizing and actualizing myself as a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the idea of my stardom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become a star out of self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others suffer as I have refused to become and stand as a star in certainty.

When and as I see myself fearing my destination of becoming a star being improbable and being sabotaged, I stop, I breathe, I realize that it is only in my mind that I believe or conceive that i will not become a star, thus, I commit myself to stop the consciousness distraction and diminishment of myself as a star.

I commit myself to become a star in absolute certainty in this lifetime. 

Day 425- Star part 12, alcohol

 You're A Star! - Reptilians - Part 466 « EQAFE

...

Tonight I was talking to X. He was drinking some alcohol. Although I recommended to him that it was not best to do that. 

He wanted to share his experiences and everything he had done so far for his life and process over the course of the year with me.

In this instance I decided to have the call with X and be of support for him celebrating his year and what he accomplished even if we both recognized that drinking alcohol in a way diminished what he had done and created through the year.

In this instance I made accommodations to speak with X where I otherwise would not like to be walking with someone who has ingested alcohol since I do not like alcohol on principle. 

X has been so active in using his TT writing his self forgiveness and reading heavens journey and creations journey that I am finding as much as drinking alcohol is step back, he has made great strides and steps forward over this year.

...

One thing that I noticed about X and their expression during our conversations over the video chat, was that normally X had quite a glow about them. 

But that in contrast to that normal appearance I could see that X did not have the same glow that they normally do while intoxicated. 

I had written about redefining star previously in regards to women. 

In this instance I noted that X usually is quite the star, not just in their glow of their expression, but who they are as a musician and in their living creation of themselves in the system. 

It was sad to see X's glow being diminished while they were drinking alcohol.

I will take this back to myself and relate it to instances where I have drank alcohol in the past.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to destroy my glow by drinking alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cause myself to erupt internally destroying my ability to effectively shine and create outwards when I drink alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill my star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make dramatic unnecessary consequences for myself when i have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dull myself and my expression and my capacity to live to best potential when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge alcohol with spite and hatred instead of self honestly walking out the problem with alcohol as a substance as how it affects the physical substance without judging it through mental projections of right or wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink alcohol to become a star and to say things and be fun with friends where I otherwise in the past had found myself isolated in myself and using alcohol to build connection as expressing what would otherwise be inhibited.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to require alcohol to have a fun time and create enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dimmish my process of becoming a star when I have consumed alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use alcohol to suppress myself.

When and as I see myself ever again desire to drink alcohol, I stop, I breathe, I realize that in every way as I want to create myself as a star in this lifetime and live the word star, that alcohol will in every way do the opposite as turn me into a black hole preventing me from being born as a star, thus, I commit myself to never drink alcohol for the rest of my life. 

I commit myself to not tolerate alcohol consumption in others.

I commit myself to end alcohol abuse in the system.

Day 424- Star part 11, stars aligning

 You're A Star! - Reptilians - Part 466 « EQAFE

...

"The idiom "the stars aligned" refers to a situation where everything comes together perfectly, as if by fate or destiny. It is often used to describe coincidences or a series of events that lead to a favorable outcome."

...

I have been very often finding myself in moments and situations where I attribute it to 'fate', or 'the stars aligning'.

I think it has actually reached a point of obsession.

Finding so often occurrences and coincidences that I attribute everything to being the 'stars aligning',

Predetermination.

That everything is the stars aligning. 

Because if one instance was the stars aligning, why wouldn't that be in fact every moment, and then no moments at all, and then I simply have to question how much of reality and how it function do I actually understand at all.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a mental puzzle over the idea of things being fate, or being the stars aligning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power of self over to an idea that everything happened as it was meant to and so as the stars aligning making there no decision and that everything is simply predetermined. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that if one moment randomly was meant to happen then every single moment was meant to happen by that same progression. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into disbelief of living a real time creative reality where things can not be absolutely predicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control my reality through the idea of being aligned by the stars and everything happening as it were meant to as the stars aligning as a justification to not take the most amount of responsibility as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of the stars aligning in my reality as a escape from reality into a belief system that I could then be warranted to do anything I want because I could then say it were always what was going to happen and that I had no control or power over anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself as my ability to create in this reality as best I possibly can by the idea and belief that things and playouts are always meant to happen the way that they do no matter what.

When and as I see myself going into the belief that in event or instance was aligned of the stars and so always meant to have happened, I stop, I breathe, I realize that to humor this thought process is not actually supporting me in actualizing myself as my living and is only distracting me from observing the reality of how things function and best manipulating reality to create what is best for all of life, thus, I commit myself to stop humorizing and becoming possessed by the idea of everything happening as it were meant to as if the stars alignment dictate who I am and the things I do in this lifetime.

Day 423- Star part 10, Cold Play- Yellow

https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

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AI: 
The Star of Bethlehem is a celestial event that appears in the Gospel of Matthew in the Bible, signaling the birth of Jesus and guiding the Three Wise Men to his birthplace.

My words are now yellow after copying and pasting this summary from AI about the Star of Bethlehem. I do not know how to make my words not appear as yellow or why they have become yellow. But they are yellow like a star.

I was titling this post about the Star of Bethlehem because I looked up why there is a star at the top of Christmas trees and then found out it's due to the belief of the star regarding Jesus birth and wise people finding him in the bible.

Now that my words are all yellow, it made me want to actually shift gears. Because I thought that's suitable since stars are yellow. But they aren't really yellow, and I remembered the Cold Play song Yellow where he claims the stars are all yellow. But then I saw a interview with the musician once where he said he knew the stars were not actually yellow and was just messing around in the studio or somewhere with the idea and it was more of a jest to make a song out of something like the stars being yellow. 

So, now I am going to listen to that Cold Play song and write about it in yellow. 

I could not finish the song, because I was so not enjoying it. 

I did not like how everything was being referred to as being Yellow. 

I did not like the guitar or instruments. 

I did not like the British man's accent singing the song.

I don't think I'm in a mood to be listening to this song. 

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that the stars were being referred to as being yellow when they do not actually appear as yellow in the sky. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an intense uncomfortable reaction to the song about stars being yellow.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that my words as I am writing are appearing as yellow.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the color yellow as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the color yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of the color yellow as piss and only being good as piss and having no value as not even actually being the color of a star.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irrationally upset about the color yellow coming into my life as I am trying to write about stars which are not in fact yellow when they are appearing from the sky to be more white than any yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a color on the color spectrum as being less than any other color simply because I cannot see where it is relevant to my life at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use yellow to take out my anger and frustration instead of getting to the bottom of my relationship to it and redefining the word yellow for myself and changing my relationship and equality stand with yellow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that every color needs to equally have some great value and be prevalent in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an opinion about the color yellow.

When and as I see myself becoming angry when I see the color yellow, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am creating bizarre and unnecessary opinions and reactions and relationships to a color, which does not owe me to be the color of a star or banana or anything even piss, thus, I commit myself to stop demanding within myself that yellow have some greater purpose or that it is bringing my quality of life down due to it's exsistence. 

Day 422- Star day 9, star fantasy

 https://eqafe.com/p/you-re-a-star-reptilians-part-466

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My most likely longest series I have written has been regarding the point of the star.

I initially had intended to write this series as a secret surprise for a friend.

I revealed the secret to them, which was not supposed to take place for an entire year.

So, now my secret project is blown, and it has been insisted that now more than ever that I should continue my work on the star project. 

...

The great beyond.

The greatest fantasy.

I found this picture above by searching star fantasy on google, then I found out it was AI generated, haha. 

Pivoting from my star secret being revealed, this specific point arising of the star fantasy is actually where the word star and my relationship to it is actually the most important. 

It is through the word star that I actually can see back into my past, where my mind consciousness had the greatest control over me.

Because of images like the one I added onto this page of a beautiful galaxy and fantasy planets and environment.

Fantasy had me by the balls when I was young. Fantasy was the reason for existing. But, fantasy only really had that punch and could even seem remotely real or tangible through pictures.

Fantasy of sci fi and space and the wonder of the galaxy, but all only really known through pictures on a computer screen.

...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create huge eruptive reactions towards fantasy pictures of the galaxy and space and strs.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up all right to life to live as a fantasy projected out into outer space in pictures of the fantasy of unknown thriving alive planets and stars in pictures drawn by people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turn the stars into a point of fantasy of great reaction and energy in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have corrupted my relation to the stars and galaxies that are really out there by making them into fantasy in my mind through media and movies and fantastical pictures and images.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not considered life as value as one and equal when I as a young child was ready to give up everything of myself to have this experience of myself out in the stars in these pictures I would find of planets and stars exaggerated in art online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have killed off the part of myself that were capable of actually creating a life of fantasy for all living beings to go to the stars where I wanted to be in the stars just in my mind just in my own secret escape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have traded my childhood to consciousness fantasy leaving me in a state of projection way out in the stars and not actually living and facing reality.

When and as I see myself looking at a fantasy picture of stars, or galaxies, or science fiction images, and going into a longing and a deep reaction and wanting it to be real more than anything else, I stop, I breathe, I realize that when I was a young person a part of me know something was wrong and something was missing on a very deep level and so I corrected this off and wrongness through consciousness and through projecting onto images I was finding on the internet, and now I realize that I was just creating friction between two points, as the point of dullness and emptiness to the lives we live in this system, contracted with great images and reactions in the mind as the high to contract the low, thus, I commit myself to live in-between as where reality exist not as a polarity, and I commit myself to create a life for all on earth best that we could one day go to the stars together as all of life equally and not just for a few people with money to escape into the idea of stars as fantasy.