Day 236- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to convince myself that there won't be another bump in the road.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try to convince myself there won't be another bump in the road because i don't want to admit that I'm the only thing holding me back from living the life id like to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put all of my energy trying to get out of the woods only to find myself there again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be out of the woods of conflict overwhelming my entire being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear never being able to get enough grip within myself to avoid conflicts that seem to be everywhere around me where all I can do is wait them out until I have a chance to write or speak things out in self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how much I'm going to have to be broken before I can stand up within myself and stop going into constant conflict where none needs to exist.

When and as I see myself fearing that there is no way to stop the overwhelming experience of conflict I constantly manifest within myself, I stop, I breathe, I realize to walk out this constant conflict is my reality and part of my very process of which i cannot escape, thusly, I commit myself to stand as one and equal to my process of facing down constant conflict within myself until I have actualized myself on the other side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn my responsibilities into massive conflict that I can't stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to paint responsibility as being an overbearing burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel burdened by my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my responsibilities and live them in a way where they are not burdens, as I realize the things that burden me do not need to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that o have accepted and allowed myself to hold my responsibilities at a distance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like my responsibilities are working against what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame responsibility for existing as I realize I have created and exist within this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute resistance in relationship to responsibility without even trying to change or adjust to accommodate responsibility without making it into a fight.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on responsibility and make the best out of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the life style I prefer to have no responsibility without even realizing how long this preference has existed even when it no longer servers my agenda whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my personality of hating responsibility when it contradicts the very life I'm trying to create for myself of taking on and embracing responsibility.

When and as I see myself feeling burden by responsibility, I stop, I breathe, I realize that i can choose to take on responsibility and live in within me in a way that is the same as playing video games or being with a girlfriend as I realize I'm holding myself back from embracing responsibility even though it's what I want to create for myself, thusly, I commit myself to do whatever it takes to move and change responsibility into something within me that o can manage in a way that I enjoy embrace and properly manage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very sad by how tired I always am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad because I wish I could sleep more and not have to do responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel victimized by the world for not being able to sleep more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start to give into negatively on a direct level when I see how much i wish I had more time to sleep and be lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse being lazy with sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not draw the line with how much energy I need and how much I wish I had even though I don't need it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live lazy by requesting more energy then I need before I'm willing to take action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship to energy that is stubborn where I feel entitled to waking up and having an excessive abundance of energy through out the whole day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be upset about how much energy I have when it's not in my hands because it's just the way things are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I can't control my energy level and usually just have the same amount of energy all the time.

When and as I see myself being angry I can't sleep more, I stop, I breathe, i realize there is more to energy then sleep, because I know I have enough energy on a physical level, but experience tired in my mind when I give into certain things, thusly, I commit myself to manage my relationship to the things that make me tired when I actually don't need to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disgrace my willpower so much and so often that I can totally and consistently place myself in a position where there is nothing holding me back from pursing the life I want to create for myself yet still I fumble within my own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I can see myself going to work, and doing my work with Desteni in my blog and DIP, and doing my school work and homework, and sacrificing whatever I need to that stands in my way of totally accomplishing these things and creating a life and career and purpose for myself, yet still I can't put myself together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I am putting my everything into creating my life and it's working, but so slowly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unbalanced in certain ways where if certain external factors were different then I'd be better aligned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with external factors regardless of how they inconvenience me to walk my process at a comfortable pace as I realize external factors could always be better or worse for anyone, so are always a good scapegoat for my real issues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that my life isn't becoming perfect within being a certain way and there's very little I can do to budge it one way or another and have to just keep going over the hill day in and out until things finally settle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have boxed myself into seeing that there's very little I can do to create the perfection and wellness I want within myself and my life when I know there's more I can do I've just boxed myself in to the point that I can't even imagine unboxing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to box myself into thinking that my life has to move and progress at the same steady stable pace consatnalty when I don't see any reason why I can't push for certain improvements and betterness within myself.

When and as I see myself being angry that my life is boxed in as expanding at a certain pace, I stop, I breathe, I realize I don't actually know that I can't push things further if I put more effort into things, as I realize this is really about me being angry that to improve my life at any faster rate would require an equal amount of effort which would take me out of my box of a certain stable and consist amount of energy and effort which I refuse to sway, thusly, I commit myself to sway the box of which I define how much effort is required of myself as so I can find where I stand within the lines and I commit myself to assert myself in a way that if I really can see myself being more then to give myself the option to do so, and to see the consequence of not doing so if needed to.