Day 237- ʕ ᓀ ᴥ ᓂ ʔ

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't achieve my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear im not strong enough to reach my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify fearing I won't make it so I won't have to try.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed for trying to reach my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't be able to put the pieces together even though I see how they all can fit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the courage to put the pieces together.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear I'm only telling myself the pieces will fit together in my head and in reality they fit together a different way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a chance to ask the question to myself and ask for myself if the pieces fit.

When and as I see myself fearing things within me not coming together the way I want to make them, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I have to make the realization and decision that the prices do or don't fit a certain way within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to connect the dots all at once together.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear I need to connect the dots within myself to reach any realization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the core of the process I'm walking on putting together trivial points within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define solving trivial questions and connecting trivial points within me as being quintessential for my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hinge my entire process on understanding made up points within me on a consciences level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back with solving trivial problems within myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let trivial little movements within me build up and go unanswered until they burst into consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need an answer to every single little thing moving within me instead of just taking on everything within myself and directing it as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pick apart every little thing within me instead of taking on everything as a whole.

When and as I see myself wanting an answer to every little thing moving within me, I stop, I breathe, I realize I don't need an answer to every little thing within me, thusly, I commit myself to take on everything withib me as a whole instead of picking away constantly at every little part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my desire to control my mind and let myself direct my mind naturally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to direct my mind as equal to me because of my reactions to my thoughts and experiences that come up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to delegate my relationship to the things that come up within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my new concept of directing myself as being too good to be true, as I realize how long and hard I've worked to develop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to manage this idea for very long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to live and implement my new idea through self forgiveness and correction to implement my idea as a living idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread my mind going on and not impulsively interrupting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impulsively squish my mind when it comes up as thinking and experiences instead of walking it out as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to maintain a certain relationship to my mind and not trusting myself to naturally deal with the relationship as living my idea for myself.

When and as I see myself fearing not being able to maintain my new idea on a conscious level, I stop, I breathe, I realize to actually live and express something like my idea to change my relationship to my mind and how I direct myself in relationship to my mind that I have to be able to completely let go, thusly, I commit myself to trust myself to live and express my new idea, and I commit myself to live and express my new idea in each breathe.

Word waiting; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dream waiting for things to occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word waiting in anxiety as not wanting to be in the moment I'm in but wanting to be in the next moment to come.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be waiting for something to occur to resolve my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my experience of waiting for different times to occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself with the word waiting by always waiting for the next moment to arise and never totally being aware and breathing and present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word waiting as something that occurs as a conscience experience, apposed to awareness that for example I'm doing one activity while waiting for a strict deadline to begin a more important activity, so I'm then living waiting instead of experiencing it as a overhanging oppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to oppress myself with the constant burden of waiting for something to happen which never occurs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait instead of taking action in hope that something will occur.

When and as I see myself experiencing myself waiting, I stop, I breathe, I realize if my experience of waiting is overwhelming me then it's coming from anxiety and feelings, thusly, I commit myself to redefine waiting as pinpointing when I need to start paying attention to a certain time or deadline and managing my time to attune with meeting the time and event that I'm waiting for to take action, thusly I define waiting as a real action of time management where I'm always waiting for everything that has not happened yet, but I'm actively living waiting by properly managing my time, where if I have 10 minutes before I have to leave whatever I do within that time frame is the act of waiting where I'm just filling time because I need to be focused on the most pressing issue of leaving for my activity in 10 minutes.

Word chaos; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel victimized for feeling in constant internal chaos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to see how I have manifested total chaos within myself in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have naturally inclined myself to be internally chaotic in response to my external surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word chaotic as a bad negative word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view chaos as a punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear chaos always being a part of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing how to redefine the word chaos.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be in chaos so I don't have to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have to take self responsibility when my life is in internal chaos when I still do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word chaos to a resolution where the word chaos is always being lived in constant consequence without resolve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the word consequence through to completion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the consequences of chaos through to completion where I've become defined by the consequences of chaos and can't see the word through into anything buy consequences.

When and as I see myself waiting for the chaos within me to be over, I stop, I breathe, I realize I must find the capacity and ability within myself to see the chaos and all the consequences in relationship to it through into living, thusly, I commit myself to in each breathe live and redefine the word chaos as being a reflection of my own behavior and decisions over time, where I redefine chaos itself as being the equal opposite of stability as I realize neither stability nor chaos are ultimate points that cannot change or become the other over time.

Word, down; I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest about how I feel down sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word down as being something negative to avoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid feeling down instead of facing how and why I feel down sometimes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down on my luck when things aren't going the way I'd like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be misconceived in turning the word down into feeling down negative emotion, and feeling up as positive feeling as I realize up and down are just directions neutral, and so are emotions and feelings as not having a direction that is up or down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the word down as being stronger then the word up as I realize I may have associated emotions as stronger then feelings, or the earth being stronger then the sky, but somehow made one direction which is only perceptual stronger then another perceptual direction which can change completely if I'm upside down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down in any other way then gravity pushing me down towards the earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to warp my sense of weight and direction and navigation in life where I experience down as a feeling and not a living word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strip my balance away from myself when what's down and up become emotions and feelings and leaving me no word to live and give me bearing and balance in relationship to what really is up and down and living those words in other ways beyond gravity as myself.

When and as I see myself feeling down, I stop, I breathe, I realize I'm betraying my sense of gravity and balance where I strip myself from having the purified word of down to give me a sense of weight and balance against the ground, thusly, I commit myself to live the word balance and stability within the word down in each breathe instead of the emotion of feeling down, thusly, I redefine down as a direction, I redefine down as towards the ground where I can always look to the ground as looking and living the word down for balance and direction within myself.