Day 284- word, trapped

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There's a hot tub I get to use at my job when i get out of work.

It was really cold out and I did not want to get out of the hot tub because it was very cold outside, and very comfortable in the hot-tub.

So, being stuck in that situation I did some self reflection.

I saw how I wouldn't get hurt to get out of the hottub it was just comfort, and then I thought about how it was the same situation when I have to get up for work where I don't want to get out of bed and will push things as late as I possibly can before finally getting out of bed.

I'm trapped in the hottub to comfortable to get out into the cold, and I'm trapped in bed too comfortable to get out, I'm also trapped in not living up to my schedule where I short cut and cheat my schedule out of similar comfort traps.

Also when I stopped doing self forgiveness and doing things my own way was a comfort trap too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in comfort traps where I'm really comfortable and don't want to lower myself to doing things that don't make me as comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to only doing things that are more or equal to me in comfort where I don't want to push myself harder or dig in deeper to things I'd rather just stay at my comfort level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself get trapped in comfort in my mind where I'm thinking about how much I want to sleep in and how much I don't want to get up or get out of whatever is making me comfortable instead of just taking action and untrapping myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving my comfort zone where I want the problem to just resolve itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the responsibility of being the only one who can get me out of my comfort zone when I get stuck in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bridge the gap where right now I can see I shouldn't be getting trapped in comfort avoiding responsibility and indulging in comfort but when I'm actually in the situation the desire to stay in comfort is extreme.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped by comfort where I let my decisions be made by comfort where my desire for comfort prevents me from just getting myself out of the situation where I let the comfort desire influence me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let comfort unconsciously influence my actions where I can be direct and make better decisions directly then unconsciously doing whatever my desire tells me to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how intense the experience of the comfort trap is where when it's happening is hard to relate to when I'm outside of it.

I redefine trapped as having been caught in a situation that is not the best for me, where I can trap myself in some cases because of my own behavior and decisions, and can be trapped in other situations like being trapped if I feel in a hole where I literally become trapped if I can't get out.

When and as I see myself trapping myself in comfort where I see I need to face something or do something but refuse to leave the state of comfort I'm in, I stop, I breathe, I realize that this point is so dominate in my life because it's a big point of transcending where if I can face this point it opens up a lot of possibilities in my life, thus, I commit myself to face each time I fall into a comfort trap and not give in and do what I'm supposed to do within the realizing that however intense the moment of being trapped is the pay off of not giving in and doing what I'm supposed to do is worth fighting myself for, where I might have to go into conflict to get myself out of the hottub when it was cold outside and had to really dig in and figure out what it was going to take and put up a fight before I was able to best myself and get out of the hottub, but it was worth it once I finally got out.

Day 283- investing in life through self forgiveness

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the way I am within my mind is how I'm supposed to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my mind being the way it is even though I am unable to be here in any moment without my mind running endless programs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am without all the programs running in my mind as personality and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how my mind works in pictures where in trying to relax my mind unleashes all the pent up pictures and personality that come storming out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my mind is too vast and powerful that I can't even leave a dent in it where I have seen that I can, that I can change who I am into who I'd like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let pictures in my mind run without any oversight where the pictures and personalites assossaited with them are always at play, where just supressing them while trying to focus on other things only validates them as having power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the end point of the pictures where the point of the pictures in my head is for me to live a dream and to not realize my best potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that personality is designed to prevent me from realizing my best potential.

I commit myself to direct my life towards the best I can be each day, where I can see me giving into my mind when I don't reach my best potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as giving up a part of myself when I can not let my mind make my decesion for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as letting my decesions be made by my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being myself when I reach the other end and become diciplined and not give into my mind in my day to day schedule where once I live my schedule perfectly I'll be a different person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up the luxury in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing my attachments as crutches and addiction as they are in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my new person being challenged by other's.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain and struggle of reaching my utmost potential in my day to day schedule where I would schedule more self forgiveness and the more self forgiving the more I change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define change as giving up who I am where I'm just changing who I am to be better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the better person I could be as being empty and vacant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define external stimuli as fullfillment instead of as distracting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the inevitable where I refuse to let go of my goals but postpone them and avoid facing the full brutality of them as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to stabilize and improve before pushing myself further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my limitation to not push myself further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I drag things out and don't face things head on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a boring person without the stimuli that fullfill my personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my personality of needing external stimuli in media and entertainment to run my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind be run by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear digging myself in deeper into my addiction to entertainment in tv and media where I see my goal as cutting out a drastic amount of media and entertainment and focusing on self improvement and my wellness and stability in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trade my wellness and stability for a moment of pleasure in entertainment.

I commit myself to keep pushing towards my goals of schedule self forgiveness and self improvements and cutting out and managing entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of the inevitable where I know I'll get to my goal eventually so I do as little as possible and indulge as much as I can instead of actually putting my foot down and getting to my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient and percistent in seeing how deeply ingrained certain endulge in dreams and fantasy and entertainment has crippled my ability to reach and realize my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my tools for granted where I know if I keep using my tools I'll get where I'd like to go but in that I use them only when I am already needing them instead of using them on principle and proactively.

I commit myself to push myself to not let my goals be something I let unfold buy something I take authority over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let authority be defined as villinay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define going with the flow without authority and even rebelling against as authority as being great and God like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live authority within my life where I instead go with the flow and don't push myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate authority as the pain of being structured instead of realizing the gift of structure.

I redefine authority as taking charge and not just going with the flow and pace of the mind.

I commit myself to live authority in my life over myself where I don't always just go with the flow buy realize when it is time to take charge and dominate myself and my decesions and make my move.

Day 282- creating a unique mess

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How do I deal with everything moving within me?

How so I sort everything out within me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complicate my process by trying to do things my own way and leaving myself in a disposition compared to where I could be if I had done things the way i was supposed to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand down from my process when faced with things I didn't want to face.

I forgive myself that i have acceoted and allowed myself to be angry that i didn't stick things out and left myself in a worse position.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deside to take time off my process the way I'm supposed to planning to return where I took a planned vacation from my process for a few years testing out my own way where I wish I hadn't bothered because it didn't even compare to the real thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I've made things more complicated in taking time away from my process to try my own thing where I regret doing things my own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have my own special way of walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry I'm constantly reminded of my mistake in taking a vacation form the way I was supposed to do things where in every moment I experience the consequences of my mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to give uo because ive failed to reach the utmost potential I could have been, and now have to settle for less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted snd allowed myself to refuse to embrace my process as it is now where I know how much better it could have been for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and aloowed myself to fear I've messed up too much and that things will be too hard for me to live up to now that I've wasted so much time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with other's as a way to make myself look better where I don't want to face how I've lived down my opprituinuty to have walked my process straight through my life without hesitating and making mistakes which I hold against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my process as stupid now where I have to deal with the stupidest things that I do and create within myself where I could have walked with more grace if I had been more consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to be embarrassed by how ridiculous my process is to Mr where I'd feel stupid if anyone knew the things I expierence myself needing to do self forgiveness for where I don't know if I'm making any sense and yet it to me is the most important things for me to do self forgiveness for like constantly dealing with all the movement I expierence within my mind like strings like I'm hallucinating constantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to be angry that I have to deal with things I can hardly explain or out into words where my mind is so obscure and nonsensical that I feel dumb trying to figure it out at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge how my process would appear to other's as being ridiculous where to me it is every breathe s part of my exsistance which I have no break from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not humble myself to the process I hsve to walk where it doesn't matter what it appears to other's but that i know how much of it is to me that it's my reality every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting a lesser quality of life for myself where I fear I'll settle for just getting by each day despite the discomfort and suffering inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for suffering in ways that I can't out into words where it's not an emotion or feeling that I can describe but that I'm simply falling apart in my own mind and losing my abaility  to keep functioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being broken by my own creation which I created in the absence of self forgiveness for several years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry that I created something so unique and special with in myself that I have no one I can relate it to and cannot remember the entirety of creating it where I just remember creating it every day what I defined as walking my process which in reality is only a burden and a harsh lesson which I would rather not have lived for all that time I could have done things correct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having lost a part of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not out my full effort into trying to figure out my mental sabotage where I drag my feet in spite and judgement.

When and as I see myself dragging things out snf not getting to the core of the things im trying to walk, I stop, I breathe, I realize that dragging things out is how I got into my mental mess to begin with snf that it will only remain as bad as it is where my mind is insane until I stop dragging my feet snf dig into my process, thus, I commit myself to dig into my mind snf my process without shame or judgement where I don't hold back because this is 'stupid' or this 'isn't the right way to do things', I dig in because I have no way else buy through self forgiveness.

I commit myself to trust myself to keep pushing where no one has answers for what I have created within me but myself, and no one else has solution but me in my own words as self forgiveness until things are seen through.

Day 281- of montreal

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Of Montreal is my favorite band, when I listen to it in the right place at the right time it's beyond words.

I have the same experience with dreams where my dreams are 'beyond words'.

I have other experience like this one mental experience I have where it's like how do I write this out it is 'beyond words'

Also when I fist started smoking weed it was this profound experience beyond words until it developed a word as paranoia and terror when I stopped responding to weed in that blissful beyond words way.

Another one is when I'm out in nature or looking out at the landscape when I use to ride the bus to school, this experience I couldn't place.

But in retrospect when I fist developed this experiences that were beyond words I didn't have the same tools to introspection, so now if I take the beyond words experience of listening to of Montreal the word is or could be just 'good', or amazing, so it's not so hard to actually place the experience into words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysekf to define the experience of listening to of Montreal as beyond words where if I did place words on it I would start to be breaking it down relating it to me and my life and putting it in context.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the experience of listening to of Montreal be beyond me as beyond words where I want to get lost in an experience that I can't put words into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let of Montreal be music that I use to escape where I have problems and things I want to do but getting lost in that experience is like a moment where I forget about everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge and give into this experience and letting myself be beyond my problems where my problems then just coke back harder when I'm done listening to the music and forgetting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how powerful of an experience I have when I listen to my favorite music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my favorite music special value where it's my favorite and it's special to me and so it's meaningful over any other sound or music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my favorite music deep meaning where 'there's more to this music and the way it makes me feel and it's all beyond words'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to disconnect from my relationship to this music from my favorite band where it's too powerful of an experience and reaction I have when I listen to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same nostalgic feeling when I listen to my favorite band where I feel the same way I felt listening to it years ago where in listening to the music I go back to how I felt and my expression from years ago.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that the music I have created a deep connection with over time where it being my favorite I have inherently listed to a lot of it over a long period of time and put deep expreicnes into it that it's not surprising that it would then be deeply seated within my phyce.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear listening to the music and not having any grand imaginations or reactions to it where I'm afraid of it not being good without those things where I don't know what it would be or what it would sound like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated with the way that I feel and experience when I listen to this music instead of just remaining stable and centered where I'm intrigued by having a quick fix as a quick way to get to a state of mind and obtain something within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself purpose in listening to my favorite music and having special feelings when I listen to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up a part of myself in stopping my relationship to my favorite music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my purpose in life as having experiences when i listen to my favorite music where I've 'found myself'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself in music where what I've found is just a moment away from myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frightened to question my relationship to my favorite band where I hardly even think of that music or listen to it very occasionally yet still hold that relationship with value even though I rarely participate in listening to it.

When and as I see myself experiencing my relationship to my favorite music as being too powerful to face and beyond words, I stop, I breathe, I realize I've never tired to face it and put it into words and allowed it to be powerful to give me special meaningful experiences, thus, I commit myself to when I think of or am actively listening to my favorite music from my favorite band to step back from identifying with it and defining it as something special and take a more unbiased listen to it where maybe it starts to sound a little different once I'm not giving it all this purpose and pumping it up to give me special feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to twist my experience listening to music with my experience of being out in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an already beyond words experience as what I have sometimes when I sit out in nature and combine it with my favorite music where then it's things like this that amplify the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a deep meaning to my favorite music when I listen to it after drinking beer where beer already puts me in a state of mind and then the music on top of that give it even deeper power by combining it with the beer experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my experience to my favorite music when I combine listening to it with smoking weed where with weed already is everything seeming messed up and wrong and paranoid and sick and then combined with the music the music doesn't have enough of a reaction to calm the messed up experience within me down so the music itself seems messed up showing how it's all based on my own experience as how I perceive the music.

When and as I see myself experiencing my favorite music along with any other experience within me, I stop, I breathe, I realize if I'm angry and upset and listen to some music I might hate that music when in reality I might normally like it and it was only because I'm angry in that moment, thus, I commit myself to listen to my favorite music unbiased where I listen to it without connecting it to my inner experience where i see that music does not make me feel anything I make myself feel a certain way.

Day 280- conflict of schedules

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When I'm upset or frustrated it's easy to push people away and become confrontational.

Sometimes I make an excuse like I'm busy, I'm tired, I'm upset when I try to avoid someone or initiate conflict before trying to assess the situation in a realistic way .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push people away or go into conflict with them when I experience myself as short on time like 'I don't have time for this', so then I just push or run away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other's for me being too short on time to deal with people in certain situations where it's my own responsibility that I have mismanaged my time for so much in different parts of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to face responsibility for my time mismanagement with other's where I have to face certain things like if I don't want to deal with someone and want to instead do my writing or go home from work and don't want to deal with co-workers I need to just man up and accept that I should not take it out on other's that I mismanage my time.

It comes back to my scheduling again and having to continuously face the consequences of my schedule, which equals me scheduling self forgiveness each day, which equals my process, so the consequences I face with other's is the consequences of me not properly living out my schedule.

It all starts yesterday, I got my blog done and then some more self forgiveness and then I went to bed early, where that was not necessarily part of my schedule, but in a sense was a grey area/loop hole that I immediately fell into right after writing about that kind of thing so then I go to bed early and don't get all the self forgiveness I planned to get done, then the next day, today, I feel short on time because I went to bed early and lost time of the day, and then I'm not as sharp as I could be the entire day and it all just keeps stacking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let me mismanaging my time and schedules affect my responsibility and relationships with other's where because I didn't mange my time and schedule I'm now off my game with other's and am not as cooperative as I'd rather be and let things just keep falling apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed that I just sat down to do all this writing on scheduling yesterday and then immediately found a way around everything I had established for myself as a loophole that technically was ok but not really.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so clever that I immediately find flaws in what I establish for myself where as clever as my loophole was it would have been better to just have made an adjustment on the fly and not circumvent everything I worked on just because it wasn't specific enough in a certain way as in going to bed early which wasn't specified in the list I made but could have been assumed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept the consequences and fix them on the spot as making adjustments in real time to atone for me not following through on my schedule through loop holes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have the integrity to face the consequences for mismanaging my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other's for showing me how I'm not living my best potential as following though with my schedule which results in my doing my self forgiveness where if I'm angry with someone, then I need to look at how if I had spent more time doing self forgiveness I would be more capable of not being angry because self forgiveness would have helped with that and so if I lived my schedule then I wouldn't be in that situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shut down and not work with other's because I have not properly prepared for things in self forgiveness.

When and as I see myself shutting down in relationship to conflict in my day, I stop, I breathe, I realize that if I follow through on my schedule, i'll do all the self forgiveness I have scheduled, and then I won't be in as much conflict because conflict is reduced through self forgiveness, thus, I commit myself to humble myself to the conflicts I accept by not doing enough self forgiveness each day, where the more self forgiveness I do in a day the less conflict and the better the next day is, thus, I commit myself to follow through with my schduel as not going to bed early so that I can get all my self forgiveness done and then won't be in conflict the next day.

I commit myself to not go to bed early, where I can go to bed and sleep in later, but not go to bed early, is a good establishment for now.

Day 279 - compromising my schedule to play games

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There's some things that I want to get done.

day to day schedule things.

schedule is the big word that I am trying to work with.

I want to get certain time frames and schedules and things that I consistently stick with everyday.

writing every day is one thing, where I want to live the word consistent, write self forgiveness everyday, where I speak it a lot around whenever whatever I'm doing, but I want to also make sure I'm writing it every day also.

there's other things too that I want to make part of my daily routine.

just thinking about my schedule plans makes me miserable, I can't imagine actually succeeding, but to start with getting more serious and pushing myself harder I'm going to make a list of my schedule plans for every day.

I write this because 2 days ago an expansion for the card game I play on my phone came out and I was playing it all yesterday and I didn't get anything done, at first I was upset because I just kept pushing things further and further and I wasn't supposed to play it half as much as I did and I keep compromising, so that was upsetting because I would have liked to have gotten more work done in my self forgiveness and corrections, but then there was this other part, that didn't care at all, and I was having so much fun with all the new cards and playing against people and I just didn't regret it, but in retrospect even though it was fun I need to be able to draw a harder line with myself because I pushed things way too far and stayed up too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play my card game all day and not do anything I was supposed to because I was excited to play my new game.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it's ok to compromise my plans because I can just deal with the repercussions later which is right now, which is true, but is not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep pushing things a little further until I completely broke and didn't care about doing anything I was supposed to and lost all of my integrity and was happy and was ok with having done that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I'm dealing with not keeping my schedule up right now, where I could have just kept up my schedule and not have to have done this self forgiveness where I'm wasting my own time which has it's own consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I've set myself back in my life without even realizing how close I was to where I would have liked to be in my life and just had to make the decision to stick with my schedule.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having set myself back where it's not necessarily true because I wasn't close to reaching my schedule goals I might have well have spent a month not doing anything and would have been just as close where the words are schedule stability planning consistency, one bad day is what it took for me to take a step back and look at things, but doesn't represent me having set myself back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in how much fun I was having where I knew that by the next day new problems and new things would come up and I would not be prepared and that's exactly what happened, exactly what happened, things happened today that I was not prepared for because I betted and hoped that today would be smooth and it wouldn't matter that I spent all day playing my card game and not getting anything doe yesterday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame fate where it was fate that the card game would come out when it did on my birthday and that I would have a drink on my birthday and that this avalanche of one thing leading to another was all just scripted by something beyond me and my own decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play my card game more then I was supposed to because when I play it I'm engaged and focused and happy and forget about everything and the worst that happens is that someone beats me really bad and then I get a little bit angry or curse them if they taunt me for beating me so good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this incident of staying up late playing my card game and not accomplishing anything I had planned for that day won't be a wake up call but instead I'll just find another reason to flake and be fickle and inconsistent.

When and as I see myself judging myself as a total jack ass for messing around all day and not doing anything but playing my card game, I stop, I breathe, I realize in self honesty I see how this can be a wake up call and an opportunity for me to step back and try to get my act together once and for all, thus, I commit myself to try to get my act together from now on by living my daily schedule every day, where I see how I can steadily work towards improving my consistency in my schedule and how I can see the different compromises that come up and how to work through them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how easy it seems to live out my schedule plans for each day where in reality things happen, there's time when I just don't care, there's times when I don't feel well, there's times where I compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how easy in my mind it can seem to live out my newest perfected schedule plans for each day where I'm having to start right now in this moment as writing my blog/writing is part of my daily schedule and it's already very challenging and i just now devoted myself to pushing myself harder and it's already an actual challenge in just writing this sentence in living the word schedule as I'm scheduled to write this sentence and I want to give up immidetely.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it being very difficult all at once is good because it's actually hitting me in reality the gravity of the words I'm trying to live within schedule and I'm actually facing it, and I don't have to wait because I'm living the word right here in this breathe in having myself scheduled to write my blog as this exact time I'm already developing living creating unifying myself with this word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in that why am I so worried about living the word shcudle where I place so much value on it and why I don't place more value in facing other points in my life where that's simply because with my schedule I get a lot of self forgiveness done in theory, so then the more self forgiveness I get done the more of other things I can face in said self forgiveness thus shcudle is key, follow the shcuelde, do the self forgiveness, profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind fuck with me where I let other things pick away at me where what I see and what works for me is to just do the self forgiveness, walk myself out, don't let anything get in the way of that, which means to schduel self forgiveness each day, and don't let that be compromised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bully myself into worrying about and thinking about anything but living out my schduel, where my schudle equals me doing self forgiveness, thus my schduel needs to be held to a high regard and I need to work towards being consistent and not compromising my schduel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to compromsie my schedule when something comes up where I visit someone I didn't plan to, I don't feel the way I planned to, thing aren't going as planned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick things out just because they didn't go according to plan within my schduel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my schdule where I would like to rather stick things out wihtout compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my schdule where I compare myself to other's and don't see myself as being able to achieve as much as other's so 'why even try.'

When and as I see myself compromsing my schduele, I stop, I breathe, I realize that living the word schdule is the key to my process right now in my life, thus, I commit myself to slow down and to pay attention when I am about to compromise my shcule as I realize my schduele equals self forgiveness, self fogivness equals my process so in drawing this connection in real time I commit myself to take authoruity within this raelizatyiohn and handle things the best I can to not compromsie the integrity of my process for something that is never as imporatnt as to compromise my process like just not feeling like it, or just not caring some times.

day 278 - surface level judgement

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify judgement of other's through opinion and preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept being judgmental when I can say I don't like that type of person where then it's ok to judge because it's a personal preference of distaste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept not linking certain things in people when the dislike is charged and judgement based without principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like certain things in people where it's out of ego, where I could not like that someone hurts other's or hurts animals, but instead it's I don't like someones mannerism, I don't like that they annoy me, I don't like the way they look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to like and dislike based on charged up feelings and judgement, 'I don't like that person because they annoy me', I'm charged with annoyance and blame the person for 'being a way that annoys me'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgement based on my own personal reactions, where this person makes me angry, so I judge them for making me angry instead of correcting my own anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's for the way they naturally are as the way they look, the way they were raised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way that I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the way that I was raised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the actions of other's on a personal level where I judge things in other's because I personally don't like certain things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's for being the way they are instead of the way I'd like them to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's by the way they appear on the surface where I devalue other's before even looking deeper past the surface.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other's by the surface level judgement that I place on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people in a shallow way out of spite where I take it personal that other's are the way that they are.

When and as I see myself judging other's for the way that they behave or look, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I'm not really seeing who other's are when I make things personal and look at people through my own personal ego, thus, I commit myself to slow down, breathe and look at people as unconditional as possible with as little opinion and personal taste as possible to see who people are outside of my personal lens.