Day 89- Systems at Play

There are so many things already in play.

I have up to this point in my life been compounding and wiring so much, there is not much to be done in each moment, but to breathe.

Just remain stable, remain cool, move forward, forgive, live.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to change the systems I have created within myself over time, when all I accomplish is rewiring.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how catastrophically wrong the system I have created is, and that I need to totally start over through self forgiveness and that change at this point is irrelevant, unless utilized for introspection and self support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living with dangerous systems within me waiting to be activated, as I realize that as another reason to breathe in self awareness, anger, hatred, judgement and how I act on such things is scary to think about what I might do at any given moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I am brewing as containing within myself when that does not support me for taking self responsibility for said thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having no way to actually change outside of self forgiveness as I remember I must live my forgiveness, and I am always living and breathing, so always have the opprituinuty to change for real as the living word, in a single breathe.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider how much self forgiveness meant to me at different points in my life, where I lived the passion for what I was writing.

Where living the words and writing and speaking the words was all one and equal.

So of course the systems are already at play, but that used to be a driving force for me.

I commit myself to support myself in change, apposed to real change, where I allow myself to be driven by the passion to change for real, to live, breathe, write, and speak the words with drive purpose focus and action.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear fighting to push myself to do more self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self forgiveness as all or nothing, when I could write one or two sentences here or there, or one or two commitments here or there, or just write something random out, or speak self forgiveness while doing an activity, and within this seeing what options I have to give to myself, and how it is not an all or nothing task, where I either fail or succeed.

That's my gift to deal with the systems, play, have fun, work, have discipline, just learn a good pace, work on stability, work on expressing myself.

Live, love laugh.

Hate, fail, forgive.

My only sentence is as long as I make it, and what I make of it doesn't matter so much.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the systems I am living with, when it doesn't matter how I feel about them, they will influence me, and define how the world will continue to exsist, and I will continue to be lost in fear, without guidance.

I get writers block.

But it isn't a big secret, I just don't want to write about anything in particular, and I'm not inspired, I just want to improve more.

I want to improve but am not willing to put the pen to the paper.

Sometimes self forgiveness is improve, I am just randomly inspired to speak something of self forgiveness aloud, a random moment of inspiration.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use all the things I have seen learnt experienced understood, about self forgiveness and all that I have already applied for myself, as a reason to push, to pull, to be inspired, to know I can figure this out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt, that I can figure this out, that I can walk my process of self forgiveness, and do what is best for life, and put all the pieces together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself in putting my process together because I don't have it all together just this very moment, even though I can see it and understand it up on the horizon, I simply don't have it all right here this very second.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as needing to have the full picture of equality, self forgiveness, and doing what is best for life, right this moment to have drive focus and intuition, when I have had more than enough experience with all these things to know, all that is required is the time to sit down, and put it together, speak, shout, sing, write, draw self forgiveness, 1 + 1. Change myself.

"Save the cheer, leader save the world."

That's from a show I used to watch with my dad, and the first season was all based around saving a cheerleader who couldn't die, from a bad guy who could steal super powers, and if he stole hers, then he would never be able to die, so that would be bad.

It is a little convoluted as it becomes more ingrained with different heroes, and villains, and different motives and poragatives, but the phrase used as the theme throughout the show, "save the cheerleader, save the world" reminds me of what I just said, change myself, change the world.

Which comes first, the chicken or the egg.

Change myself so I will change the world? Or is it just a consequence, or does it really matter, when I know that I will move with the same force and speed and determination regardless.

It doesn't matter, and I've seen that and experimented
with it up close, just forgive, live.

Forgive and live, who do I do that for?

Doesn't matter, I just give it to myself, and live it, doesn't matter why.

It is what I want to live and die, even if it means giving up certain things, and maybe it actually means gaining certain things.

The systems are at play, but I am here, able bodied, and working on putting things back together.

I commit myself.

I praise myself.

I respect myself.

I comend myself.

I know what to do.

When I have a problem, I will know what to do.

When I have a question, I will know the answer.

When I am in pain, I will find release.

When I am lost, I will find myself.

When I am confused, I will find reassurance.

The system is at play, and so I am.

Everything will come in time, everything will come in this moment.

The system has scared me, I have scared myself, I have been scared by the systems I myself have made.

I commit myself to stop scarring myself, I commit myself to stop scaring myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to scare myself within the reality of the system I have created, I forgove myself for accepting and allowing myself to influence myself out of fear, when things did not need to come to that in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put myself into scary situations to make myself stronger, when I don't even ask if they might in fact make me weaker.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as needing to be stronger, when it requires me to go into harms way, in any way, mind or world.

I watched a guy jump into a big bushy cactus, for an internet video.

He screamed out of total terror and pain, after being removed from the cactus.

It was like he was there in that moment of pain, he couldn't hide his screaming in his mind, he couldn't have back chat, he couldn't be anywhere but here, for just a moment.

That's not something I want myself to ever do, I'd rather see myself being careful and respectful around cacti, but there was some kind of lesson to be learned in that scream, I don't think he wanted his friends to hear him screaming the way he did, sounding so vulnerable, and fragile, that's the stuff kept hidden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that if I prove that I am strong to myself, then I won't have to hide that I don't see myself as strong.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize if I use the system for a reference as how strong I should be, I will accomplish nothing, and I am as good as dead, because the system at large, will make you starved and bloody before you are ever strong enough or worthy enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the message not getting through to me, when I can see that it is, I'm just afraid of my pride.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the people I walk with, as my pride, my pack, my fellows, my peers.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moments of weakness where I act or speak in ways I would not like to stand for.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value a pride, as a friend, myself, or a pack, that does not stand for life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I have no choice in this system, because I must keep my priorities straight, and that means what ever stakes it must mean.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and direct myself as doing what is best for life as not assossiating within my mind of pride as value with people who do not uphold honor and pride as life, as I realize myself as pushing myself to new standards, to new defenitntions of what I will and will not tolerate within my world, and such, I live, I breathe, I forgive, the line is drawn in the sand for now, until it is drawn one day in the stone, day in day out, what's best for life is achieved.

I can see now.

Day 88- Back to Work

Work

I write about work a lot, but yesterday's point of being willing to return to and expand on points makes me want to write about work more.

Not friends, not going out, not games, but work, work is the center piece of my life right now, and as much as I will do other activities, work is such a big part of my life that I want to keep working on work.

Working on who I am at work, who I am in relationship to work, what do I think about work, what does work mean to me.

Just sitting down to write about work is comforting, because it makes me feel like I am beginning to address some of my problems about work, just by confronting them by addressing that I have a problem with work.

What can I gain from work?

Strength, work ethic, social skills, money.

Work can be a good time, where I enjoy myself, and still do a good job.

Why wouldn't I have it that way?

When I identify as wanting to do other things than go to work, and do not have my entire heart and mind set on work, I build up a wall of resistance, I see what must be done, and how I could enjoy myself, but I fight within myself out of spite, blaming the system for sending me to work, when I might want something else with my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make work harder on me, when I want to deal with or be somewhere else other than the task at hand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into work with worries about other issues on my mind, when there is nothing to be done about these issues from the position of work, I am just bombarding myself with unneeded conflict, when I am trying to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to sleep more instead of going into work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my energy level affect my ability to go to work and decide to do a good job to maintain an income for myself to survive off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as subservient because I have to go to work to survive.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how I experience myself as subservient to going to work and doing certain tasks at work is my own feeling/ relationship to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that anyone or anything else can make me feel subservient as any less that having the free will to do whatever it is I will in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relate myself to a fictional dream where everything is as I'd like it to be and perfect and I don't have to work.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my imagination is counter productive, when I could always imagine myself in a better position than I am, so it doesn't mean anything, and I should not be fueling these fictions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want attention at work, where I want to talk, and work with someone, but work is responsibi
lity fist so I cannot always have those things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to have someone to talk to and give me attention at work, where sometimes you just have to do your job in silence and get things done, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as needing to talk to someone and have attention brought on me at work, where I know I can handle myself alone if needed and don't need this desire which I am not even comfortable with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be comfortable with wanting attention at work, where I either deal with it, or I will be stuck with such feelings that distract me from accomplishing my personal and work goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not align my personal goals with my work goals, where I must be at work, but I can still work on myself on each breathe in self as awareness as learning what I must do for myself as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take myself into consideration first at work, where I can only live what I am living equally, as giving myself what is required at work in each breathe in how I express internally and how I move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be anxious during my down time at work when I am afraid of looking poor when I do not have something to be doing at work.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself falling in anyway within myself at work, as I realize work as a time to relax and enjoy myself, as my only obligation at work is to myself.

Day 87- Respect

Taking respect back to me.

Giving to others what I'd like for myself.

Living equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give others the respect I think they deserve, instead of giving everyone the respect I would want for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize respect as originating within myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize when I disrespect as being impatient with others, I am being impatient with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give others my all, as my attention, compassion, and respect, as I would like to receive from and as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I pick and choose how I behave with others as I do within myself, where I do not consistently maintain my relationship within myself, as I do not consistently maintain my relationship with others.

It is not what others do or don't deserve from me, as individuals, it is what would I like to both share and receive as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect others to behave and act a certain way to garner my respect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect myself to act and behave a certain way to garner my own self respect.

Perfecting what is given is received.

Acknowledging myself within everyone.

What you give you live.

Respecting where others are within there process, as I would do the same for myself. As the only way I can do so for myself is through equality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to respect the need for me to take care of myself as an individual as self responsibility, for myself, as for other sometime needing to take a step back, and consider what I need to do for myself, as I would give the same to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to help others who do not or are not ready for help, as I see how I do the same within myself, where I push myself harder than what I am ready or capable of doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not respect people with bad intentions, as I see myself not respecting myself as life regardless of the poor decisions and bad intentions I've had in my own life time as one and equal to that of others.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself about to perceive or act toward someone else in a way, any less or more than what I would want for myself, as I realize that being how I give respect to myself, as a living being one and equal to all living beings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not address how I feel in any given moment, where I am not respecting where I am within myself at that time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not show myself the respect of dealing with how I feel, where I respect that I cannot just move away from how I will feel emotionally energetically and need ways to address these experiences, as respecting that my process is not an instantaneous fix to how I experience myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not respect what other people are going through when I have expectations of others that they cannot achieve, as I see myself doing the same thing toward myself in all ways.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to respect life as needing to walk a process that cannot be finished on a whim, and must be lived constantly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not respect the power of my own words.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to recognize the influence and power I have as my words, as how I judge myself as not someone of influence meaning in my mind it doesn't matter what I say or who I say it too, but it does matter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not believe I am capable of respecting myself and other's within my word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the responsibility of respecting myself and other's within the words I speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it is my right to not respect other's within my word when I so choose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have respect within my word when I want to control a certain situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak words of control, where instead I wish I had rather spoken words of respect.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up for myself, to find a way to stand up for myself, as speaking and living the words I would like to live and give for and as myself one and equal when I just want to be alleviated of my situation, and am willing to compromise myself as my respect if it meant me being at peace.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and collect myself, when and as I see myself about to, or thinking about, using words of control, when I know for myself as one and equal, what I'd like to create within my world, for myself, is words of respect, as I see myself learning for myself how words work and create, and how I can live my words through communication with other's as myself.

Day 86- Ad Nauseam

There is a lot of humility in realizing I need to return to every point I write about.

There is self honesty in recognizing I can't write out anger or depression or a relationship with someone in one sitting.

The idea of one and done, comes from the desire for perfection, to be done all at once.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear addressing a point in my life until Ad Nauseam.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I'm better than sitting down and writing something out that I don't want to write about, until I'm sick of the subject.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act on the preference of writing things out in a way that comes natural, when I could be pushing the bar for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I have resolved something within myself each time I write out a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea as an illusion of progress, instead of actually living and applying myself in real time as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that writing myself out in self forgiveness might just be a placebo effect, instead of actually taking self responsibility and testing myself in real time, in real situations, and garnering real progress from the real feedback of the real world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the illusion of not needing to continuously go into depth about the same point over and over again, because I have never before in my life realized the excessive depth of how I have created my own reality and experience as consciences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in addressing things only on a surface level, because I have only ever learnt how to temporarily patch things up instead of actually coming to a real agreement within myself to create real change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not care about investing in my real progress and improvement and development as a person, where I prefer temporary fixes, that don't require me to drive home real questions, to take real chances within my self investigation.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not admit to myself in self honesty the value of the expression of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the idea that, if I'm not spending a valid amount of time addressing my problems, and my world, then something is wrong with me.

Writing Ad Nauseam is the opposite of what I just said.

Where, I don't want to write out what is wrong with me, because something is wrong with me.

I don't want to fix myself, because I am broken.

The act of writing, as self forgiveness, as speaking self forgiveness, speaks for itself.

Writing self forgiveness is living self forgiveness in at least a single moment.

It's the push in this very moment, and other moments like it to come, where I feel as if writing self forgiveness should be a last resort, in addressing some new unfounded problem, where in the moment of pushing through that idea, I find writing to be chiseling who I am, proactive medicine, not just patching old wounds, but creating new tissue, new matter, new definitions of myself.

The issue still remains, even though I know, pushing forward through the valley of evil, lifting the veil one thousand times over, reinventing and reinvigorating myself, is what I manifest through writing,

what do I garner through video games, and tv, and the internet?

A more immediate fix.

A surface level fix.

I survive to reach this moment of writing self forgiveness, but even when I do not need to survive as working, to make money, I still am in the survival mind set.

I need to survive each moment, ad nauseam.

I'm sick of surviving my own problems.

I want to just slow down.

That's a big part of my life the last few days, I need to take a step back.

I want to dream, but I also want to live.

I need to take a step back, and get my priorities in check, get my head straight, get myself together.

I need to start over, I need to begin again, until I'm so sick of it, I have to push through each moment of writing.

What can I return to, where can I start over?

Anxiety.

Such a landmark, such a basic human experience,

even when I'm not Anxious, I'm just existing within the polarity of Anxiety, meaning the Anxiety never leaves even when I'm fulfilled, happy, content, deep down, the anxiety remains.

I've written about anxiety, I've contemplated, talked about, applied, forgiven, committed, but here I take a stand, as standing with myself all over again. Ad Nauseam.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be anxious, because anxiety sucks.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about things that will happen within the feeling of anxiety in relationship to certain outflows of reality as real events, when that's too complicated for me to be ok with right now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be anxious about having to work, when I usually go to work and everything is absolutely fine, and I am the only person creating problems for myself at work, through my own woes and anxieties.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I have the power to stop be anxious and worrying and stressing and fretting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself up and make things worse for myself when I worry about them Ad Nauseam, where I literally worry until I am sick because I have put myself through so much internal turmoil and cannot resolve my own creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give to myself the soul power, the spiritual power, the power of self forgiveness and living applications, until I don't have to worry and be afraid anymore.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry out of fear for my life and the lives of others, when I don't know what's going on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what's going on, when I just don't ever know what's going on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry about what's going on, instead of just figuring out, writing out, paying attention, observing, learning for real trough oneness and equality, just what is infact going on in any particular moment in my life.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, and knock it off, when and as I see myself sowing the seeds of worry within myself in any way, and living and breathing a new life into myself as one and equal to all, where I can live, act, and create what is best for all of life equal to myself.

Live what is best for all of life equally, and I will always be taken care of as one and equal, by myself.

So do not worry, do not worry, do not worry.

Oneness and equality, one and equal, I say that a lot, I say that ad nauseam, I sound like a robot on repeat, but there is a reason for that, I am trying to reboot myself, I'm trying not to repeat the same sound the same beat, I am reasserting a new code a new language, I am changing myself for real.

Day 85- Freedom to Dream

The kingdom

The domination of all aspects of my life.

The monarchy

The freedom to be exactly where I want, exactly how I'd like to feel, exactly what I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to do what I want, and define it as freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as limited not free as a slave, because I cannot do whatever I want, whenever I want to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to box myself internally spiritually to the idea that I deserve to have and do whatever I want whenever I want it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as trapped as having to go to work, and go to my job at a certain time, and having to do certain tasks, when I'd rather chose something less challenging.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define freedom as not having to be challenged by reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate being challenged when I don't want to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hate being challenged by others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to live in my dreams, where I define dreaming as freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be shit scared of reality, where I know dreams are irrelevant to me as life for real, but I want to dream, because I have tolerated compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise who I am because I want to live in a dream world, where I'm separated from who I actually am as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to dream infinitely, when I as one as life, am not infinite, I dream when I have time to sleep, or time to day dream, or the energy to do so.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define putting my energy into living and expressing, over dreaming as separation, as limitation, as not freedom.

Free to betray the best interest of life.

That's horrifying.

But that's not how I see it.

I see dreams as innocent, I desire to dream, but that's because I just enjoy it, it's how I'd like to live, so if I can do one thing, while still maintaining
the principle of what is best for life, based on reality and not dreams.

I commit myself to live in freedom as doing what's best for life in all ways, always, unconditionally, as creating life as a dream, the dream of what is best for all of life one and equal.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself defining myself within anxiety as not feeling free to do what I want, as I realize freedom as the freedom to improve who I am, as I realize dreams are me separating myself from who I am.

Day 84- Change vs. Real Change

What I can change, I change in writing
in breathing, in application, in my word, in my being.

Real change.

What I cannot change for real, as what I have not yet addressed in self forgiveness in commitment to real change, I'm uncomfortable with, I fight with, I try to change, but I know I cannot change for real, what I do not understand about myself, and have not forgiven and commitment to change through practical commitment in each breathe.

If what I create in the world, is equal and one with who I am creating as myself, I must not fight externally, I must not fight internally.

I must be at peace with what is out of my hands, as I give myself the real time and application to discover, what is best for life, lived one and equal to myself as my relationship my living word.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to change myself where there is no forgiveness there is no realization, there is just desire.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to change who I am based on fear of who I am in relationship to my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to change myself from within out of desire to transcend what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not having changed, the way I'd like.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not live change in all ways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to require within me the inspiration of realization to change.

Where, some things you just know, some things don't hit you emotionally spiritually, and that represents knowlege I'm better able to direct myself within, knowelge as a
certain degree of understanding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will reach a point where I have changed myself from excitement and depression, and will
just be boring, and no one will be intrested in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall within a polairty of judgement where the other coin is power, and being great, and just being here
totally able to express myself as who I really am, in a way that is best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take such great strides in realationship to real change, where I have formed radical ideas of
actually changing myself, where I'm not living it to the fullest.

Here's something I might relate to.

Real change is really new, but what about my current relationship to change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define certain changes as good, but in using my knowelege, I can see that good changes come with bad changes
so, it's nothing to get hung up on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live false change, as having 'changed' when convient in my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place so much judgement on trying to change, when trying to change coming from no written tools of
self forgiveness and commitment application, allowed me to work with Desteni in the first place.

Change is so hard, for real, because false change is a double edged sword that can always be disguised by ego as consciencess.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to speak myself into real change, where I'm a hypocrite.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the risk of real change as what's best for all of life equally, when not chaning or changing
in a way that is not real, is just as risky.

tv and movies simulate fake change, a change to the world that I actually live in, I can see how that has influenced me.

I'm always some kind of character, CHANGE CHARACTER a chain reactor.

React to one thing, than another thing.

Get past this, than get past that.

This means something, this doesn't.

How do I distinguish, what living one and equal to reality as what is best for life is, when I'm constantly in my own head.

1+1 equal 2.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself giving into false change, as energetic change, as I realize no matter what, I must apply myself
for real as the physical, in way that is best for all of life, as that is what I would like to receive, so that is what I live, give, and express in all ways.

Day 83- Hearthstone

Hearthstone is a card game, and it is my addiction.

I like creating decks, and collecting the cards, and there is a new expansion coming out, so I'm excited about that, because it will add more variety to the game.

I like winning games in hearthstone, but I'm also on with losing some matches if I feel like it was a fair fight.

I like the colors and card designs.

I like the relief from being at work, blowing off steam.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into the urge to play hearthstone when there are other things I want to get done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my life by the feeling of enjoyment and fulfillment from playing hearthstone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be the person I'd like to be when I spend time blowing off steam on hearthstone on my time off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not commit to self discipline in working on myself when I'd rather play hearthstone because I don't see how it could pay off.

Blowing off steam, because screw it.

Because it doesn't matter how much work I put into myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have self compromise, where I need to compromise with one part of my life, to tend to another, where I like the math, and brain storming and creativity from hearthstone, but I also need to make myself.

When I binge on hearthstone, it's because I don't see myself creating a purpose.

I see myself just working, and I see my efforts to do more with my life, as invain, not paying off.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold within myself the expression of I have no reason to push myself as far as I'd like, because it will not pay off, and my work on myself in invain, when I play hearthstone.

I commit myself to let nothing stand in the way of me giving my purpose to myself.