Day 329- i'm living a computer script

Investigate Desteni.org

Everything happens for a 'reason', I used to say that, I still say that to myself even though I've tried to challenge it before.

So, everything happens for reason, I do what I do for whatever reason I do it, I'm better of letting things play out 'automatically'.

So I've built this up so much, It's deluded my idea of who I am, it's made my decisions for me, if everything is scripted it's like I'm living a script, like a script of computer code, or the script on paper I've written out and decided who I'll be and what I am.

I had a moment of such fear where I've seen how though my life I've abdicated all decision making all responsibility to who I am and have always fallen back on my lowest coding, to do whatever takes the least effort the least thinking.

It's had positive and negatives, I'm in a great place in my life, but I wish I had taken more charge in my life, taken my authority and not let things just play out like robotically.

I feel like I'm living the echo of my past, just still running the same programs to no end, having made major decisions, and mistakes, relationships on a whim, falling back on my most animal instinct.

Except I don't like that so much anymore, I use to like the idea of being impulsive and calling that animalistic but I'd rather call it robotic right now because I see animals lately as much more expressive more competent then just relating my impulsive programming to them doesn't seem fair to them and is more of an excuse for myself to not take authority in my life.

My script, playing the major decisions and the real thing that really impact my life and what I define myself by has been impulse, to act impulsively live off impulse, don't think ahead, don't plan, don't take any responsibility under any circumstance, let the system just all play out... Let the script play out and see that as the only possibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my entire life be decided by whatever script I impulsively play out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to directly script myself based on impulse so I would never have to actually look at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the truth of who I am which has always been available to me by acting and defining myself by impulse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impulsively make all of my decesions so I would never have to see who I am within my decesions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted on the script of impulse out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my impulses because I don't have to take responsability for acting on impulse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that although everything I've done with my life has been impuslive it's still my decesion.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that impulses are like electricity running through circuits as the script sending me messages of what to do and to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse as my script because I could see no other way 'out'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a way out of self responsability for who I am and what I'm doing with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just act on impulse to just get by each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let each day push me to the brink where all I can find myself capable and comfortable with is acting on my lowest more menial impulses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied being a robot out of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embrace the lines of scripts as the bar code defining me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how void and vacant of life my exsistence will be if I don't continue to assert myself and who i am and what script I'm going to be living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it's all the same if I write self forgiveness or not that I'll still either way be living a script.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take every single thing in my life that I can possibly imagine and decide who I will be in that script.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that every single thing in my life has shown me I am scripted.

When and as I see myself fearing seeing how scripted my entire life has been, I stop, I breathe, I realize my life will always be scripted, but that I must be the one writing the script myself, thus, I commit myself to take self responsability for all codes, script, and programming I express and create for myself.

I commit myself to write myself a script that will result in me doing what's best for myself and everyone else equally.

I commit myself to re-script as much as my life through self forgiveness and re-correction as re-scripting everything I possibly can, because everything I am is of the system, and through self forgiveness and correction I re-script the system as myself.