Day 390- Sacrifice

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I need go sacrifice anything to be the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself what I want which is go be the best version of kysmyself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I get to be exactly what I want which is who I am which is to do what is best of rall of life together one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that self forfciness has given me the edge on anyone at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that Techno Tutor has given me the edge on anyone at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that knowledge and information has gicne me then edge on anyone at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be humbled yo get to give my life as the sacrifice to what is best for all in each breath in each moment to build a life that will be eternal for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel intimidated by my uncertainty and uncaring over the nature of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be inspired by seeing that there us no viliian outside of myself and who I am as original sin in the flesh.

I commit myself tosacrifixe myself as life here in each breath to give my life go all as one and equal as seeing who I am as original sin and who I must be as the correction thereof.

I commit myself to begin my life anew. 

I commit myself toforgice myself not because others are bad or evil or wrong, but to see who u truly am as what is best for all life as one and equal where the only enemy is the separation as can be seen within the mind itself.

Day 389- fucking up is success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in a position where I cannot see a way forward for me besides selling Techno Tutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not broaden my conception of what Techno Tutor is and how to sell it through my own life and living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself TT I to fear that I am Un certain of how I will make my money for myself and Kasha moving forward.

I forgive myself myself I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I am free when I cannot even support my wife financially to build the future I would like to be a part and legacy of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me feeling raped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that anyone would desire to tape me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I actually need to physically sell Techno Tutor to people when they might already have Techno Tutor for all I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the entire world government and all of existence collapsing in all on one point at one moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stressed that I have crippled myself and actuallyfeel like I have cancer.

I forgive myself that I gave accepted and allowed myself to fear actually having rectal cancer.

When and as I see myself fearing I will fuck up the entire existence if I keep fucking up, I stop, I breathe, I realize that my next moment and my next box I might be living out of may nit be entirely up to me to have as much free choice as I belive, thus, I commit myself to accept the karma of my situation and to focus on what I can do for myself in each breathe and each moment to forgive myself for the abuse I have caused myself and blamed myself for.

Day 388 - Retarded

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to liberally use the word retarded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the word retarded as myself speaking the word by calling tings reatarded but not knowing the definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw around the word retarded without figuring out what it means effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not supporting myself to have a good vocabulary and to be certain and clear with what words like retarded mean in the dictionary. 

I commit myself to look up lwords in the dictionary to become more effective at understanding who I am and the words that I am speaking and why I speak them and what the mean. 

Day 387- Who is doing their self forgiveness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that other people need go be doing their self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that other people are not doing their self forgiveness when I do not know who is familiar with self forgiveness or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that not everyone can be given self forgiveness in its perfect writing form because it requires a difficult course that not everyone just yet can fit into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could give other people self forgiveness when shojtin at them about self forgiveness is not effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire other people to have self forgiveness so that my life would be easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself go not consider how important and valuable self forgiveness is.

I forgive myself that I hsve accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at reality for not intervening with self forgiveness sooner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by not utilizing my self forgiveness more effectively sooner.

I commit myself to do my self forgiveness each day and to share how it works on my blog so other people can see how self forgiveness can be useful for someone in their direct lives and situation to get better for them.

Day 386- lowest point

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I am doing more damage to myself than I am healing myself of my trauma.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put additional burden on myself judging myself as an elite who deserves punishment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because someone is not in my immidete environment that I am not a part and influence of their lives as an equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to direct every environment I encounter as equal to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself myself keep inventing lowest points for myself because I'm not directing the points within myself that have already built up to devastating consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for other people's suffering instead of taking responsibility for myself and my partner in our immidete environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear reaching such a low point that I am simply disregarded as being worthy of life by existence itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate walking through my lowest points u continue to create without giving myself a step by step breath by breath solution to be lived and applied whoever I go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to accept when rock bottom is simply the lowest point I'm ever willing to go again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to decide for myself what the next best step for me is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not honor myself enough to accept today as a fresh start and not a consequence of my past transgressions.

I commit myself to start today as a new day and a new chance to do my best.

Day 385- Doing things i dont want to do

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself myself to procrastinate things that I do not want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing the things I need to do when I would actually enjoy doing thr things I need go be doing more than postponing or arguing my right to stay in further separation from responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself myself for not having the education to be able to support myself to walk through a point of neglect and postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the education system for spending so much or my time and energy and focus on discipline which did not resort in me becoming anything but the most lazy half hearted negligent adult I could possibly have become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distarctedbbt the energy friction of separation within myself where I can avoid taking responsibility by distraction myself from taking responsibility by creating separation which creates energy friction within me that preoccupied the space within me that could be willed and directed to do the things I realize I should be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living a life that is totally scheduled and controlled and automatic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather create automatic separation within myself than to create automatic discipline and structure and responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I HAVE accepted and allowed myself to not have made my main priority taking on full responsibility instead of fucking around internally waiting for the internal point to be complete snd.then that internal point to drive my external point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that there will be a point where I will be able to magically change without having to physically apply myself to become effective in my direct environment.

I commit myself to become effective in my immidete environment.

I commit myself to balance my internal and external change. 

I commit myself to make my change real and directly visible and verifiable in my immidete environment. 

Day 384- paradoxs are gay

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to terminate myself because u I do not like the situation I have put myself into where I might lose what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep confusing myself with ideas in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself with putting too many things into my head from the computer screen instead of focusing on my Techno Tutor self forgiveness and my job and selling Techno Tutor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not wanting to do what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry I did not plan out how how actually have a wife and family because it seemed impossible in this current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have though for myself on how to have a family instead of just a girlfriend who I would abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a wife is too difficult for me go figure out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I am always right and always perfect no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear only forgiving myself a little but because I have other responsibilities and stuff to focus on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a little bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear causing world War 3.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear it is my responsibility to balance the universe starting with my own immidete life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being startled and panicking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to declare war on existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am an AI and not a real living thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being canceled for doing a bad job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize fear go motivate me go improve where I am being a little lazy boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there are outplays that I could have done but did not do and now I do not know what timeline I am in or not. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to being an asshole.

I forgive myself that I have Accepted and allowed myself to fear that I did not have to do something but could possibly have maybe not done some things and possibly could have forgiven myself to alter my choice pattern to do a different thing.

I commit myself to start doing things even if I do not actually want to do them.

I commit myself to do the things I am certain I am supposed to be doing.

I commit myself to also be a self leader and be honest about where I am in my life and process thing.

Day 383- the truth hurts

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate seeing the truth of how my intentions and my ideas of who I am and what I was creating of my life hasn't turned into anything but the worst version of myself possible.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty seeing what I have created of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed seeing all the moments I could have lived better or differently but gave my mind as it's been designed power over me completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a victim of my own creation refusing to recognize the part of me still willing and able to stand and come to terms and make amends with myself and with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel persecuted where no one is bothering me no one is giving me a hard time except for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into confusion trying to figure out points outside of myself trying to manipulate everything outside of myself instead of looking within and being honest with myself and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am as pathetic as demonic as beyond recovery or forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed by the lengths and suffering I have caused in myself and others just for me to come to terms with a point of honesty and forgiveness in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise and worship the evil within myself justifying it as my right my creation my ownership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate to get out of my consqyneves and what I have created and in such desperation and spite of myself creating even worse shit creating even more loss and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my lack of knowledge and understanding on my creation on what I have become when I had opportunities to educate myself to have steered differently in my life course but was addicted to the path I have been on.

I commit myself to face the consequences I have created and to live with then.

I commit myself to stand here and now moving forward to prevent further abuse and hardship and manipulation tactics.

I commit myself to make the best of whatever life I still have left. 

Day 382- Bored

 I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to make my life boring by creating boredome as my expression by avoiding things that seem boring instead of walking through the opint of why something is boring and makign it not boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ruin my life by avoiding things that are boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself up by always avoiding things that bore me which I do not derive extreme energy and entertainment from.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated that I have fucked up my life by making my life boring as exactly that which I have tried to avoid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that the thing I least exspected to happen has happened as me having every single thing that I could possibly need or want to walk my process most efeectively and have the bewt life and yet I am totally and completely incompactiated with boredome. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret giving myself the most painfully bored life evver.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually dying due to extreme and exsecive boredome. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself about what real entertainment is.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with garbage programming.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bore myself due to not living up to my best potential.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bore myself due to being totally unteachalbe. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for causing myself so much boredome when I had inteded to do the total opposite for myself. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarssed by how boring I am. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not escpaing my prison of boredome I have created in my mind. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create my life as boring as equal to the boredome in my mind neber fullfilled never satisfed always desiring and wanting for more. 

I commit myself to accept that I have created my life as boring and to correct this boring time loop I have created by applying myself more effectively in real living which I realize as being more fun than being stuck on the internet looking at stupid stuff all day. 

I commit myself to stop messing around on the inerment looking at dumb stuff all the time. 

I commit myself to apply myself in my real life where things can actually be fun and interesting and open up potential for you. 

Day 381- I can do this

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do my self forgiveness because I don't feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my whole life on how I feel allowing what I feel like doing to generate my mind as what I will end up doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a mind machine completely under control by thr mind system I have invented and fueled and generated wirh my own human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the idea of applying myself as effectively as I can each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become totally passed and distracted by my mind system believing it to be integral as a part of my life and process unable to identify what is mind vs what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be evil acting on my mind system of self interest unable to identify or fathom any other solution or way of living or being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself having a special and unique process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be the best in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up to my mind any longer.

I commit myself to start taking my life, process, future, self care, responsibility all seriously starting right now.

Day 380- did i fail the world?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for ruining the world.

I forgive myself ghat I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others as preventing heaven on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I have ruined my own life and so ruined the world along wktb my own life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow we d myself go judge myself as simply being evil and selfish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the one single person who chose to ruin everything for everyone because I was not willing to forgive and rewrite my program my design in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame technology for programming me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the fact that I am programmable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that it is too late for me that I have betrayed reality itself and the rules and laws of existence itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge everyone else as a ducked who is putting in suffering where life does not have to be suffering or discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do what it's requires fo do to become super rich and to have real impact in thr world and my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that I cannot change what I have already been destined to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge my design of my destiny and decide for myself what my destiny is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider all of life as a family working suffering dieing all together as one

I commit myself to live the grace to allow myself to start over again. 

I commit myself to do things better this time.

I commit myself to accept if my chances to start again in this lifetime are over.

Day 379- Who is who?

 I have been so obsessed over rank and stature and levels of authority and power within my idea and concept of process that at this point I am completely besides myself and can barely recognize a person of having any value as who they are as a human being. 

That sucks. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself trying to figure out the value of every person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an idea of a persons value based on my own judgements in my head according to waht I see as giving a person value in their life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with everyone including myself going absolutely deeply into my mind desperately trying to assert myself as having power and authrotiy and so basing my idea of power and authority onto others where its my game and my idea of who is winning and losing in my head and so of course I always want to be the winner. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that at this point I struggle to see the life in all people equally including myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry I have diminished my ability to simply be a real human being and not a totally completely self posessed mind system completely zombified. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind systems I have invented within myself are affecting anyone directly where everything is indirect it's not something I am actively doing it's something I have programmed so deeply wihtin myself and paid no attention to the fact tha I am doing it all the time in every single momennt in every moleclue inside of me my total absolute judgement of all of exsistence based on nothing but desire for ultimate power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be evil in relationship to what I have allowed of the way I see things and view things wihtout ever questioning the way or reason that I view things the way that I do. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others hating me for the way that I have projected my mind onto the flesh of all including myself for my own sick gratitude. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not educating myself further and in more dpeth to have reached a point of understanding where I might have caught myself developing these patterns before they have climaxed and reached a point where it is so deeply a part woven into my flesh and so deeply a part of who I am that It's unclear how much of it could ever actually be corrected and reversed in this lifetime. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I understand who I am and the nature and impact of my mind in my life and the life of thers far too late. 

I commit myself to keep studying the Desteni material, members, Techno Tutor members, self perfected message and members, to keep studying the material, applying the material, applying self forgiveness, using Techno Tutor, making sure that the time and lengths I have gone through to learn this lesson is not for nothing. 

I commit myself to stop judging who people are wihtin my mind and start seeing and hearing who they are for real wihtout judgement. 

I commit myself to investigate and consider who someone is to take into consideration their backround and thier research and understanding of any given topic without making assumtions of them one way or another. 

I commit myself to talk to people and discover who they really are as a person in thier life. 

Day 378- heart pains

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that my body is hurting and under stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune from stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I have not actually walked through and released points of stress within my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force upon my body the stress of following my mind instead of living words like clam, relaxation, easy, soothing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive myself of stress unless the forgiveness resulted in immidete results of feeling good and immidetely feeling pleasure and release.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are circumstances where I must feel stressed and have no other option but to be stressed. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create stress by not taking on more responsability but simply blaming others for not doing what I should be doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to have a heart attack due to extreme unmanaged unfortiven stress I have been placing on my body. 

I forgive myself that Ih ave accepted and allowed myself to believe that forcing myself to do things means that I have to be stressed out about it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate to release the stress from my body so I do not die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the stress being placed on my body is going to kill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry that I did not ever slow down to check in with my body and figure out what is actually happening to me. 

When and as I see myself fearing that the stress that I have placed myself under is going to kill me, I stop, I breathe, I realize that if my own stress killed me that it would be my own creation done purely unto myself by not taking on actual responsabilties in my life and simply being self obsessed over my own mind energy alone in my own self intrest, thus, I commit myself to take responability for my own health and wellness. 

I commit myself to take on real responsability in the world and in my enviroment instead of letting myself blame others for imposing their lack of responsability onto me. 

Day 376- Use the mind you have

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to destroy my mind. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not use my mind and my ability to think effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mind as imperfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mind as perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself in relationship to what a mind is and how to use it effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use my own mind as a refrence point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about the mind due to not understanding it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not study materials where you can come to understand better what your mind is and how to effectively utilize it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to conquer my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by trying ot control my mind through a made up idea in my head. 

I commit myself to be teachable and to listen to those who understand the mind and how it works.

I commit myself to create a mind that is best for all life. 

I commit myself to stop abusing myself as life by smoking weed. 

Day 376- could I have done better?

 Looking back at everything in my life a part of me wants to 'belive' that I did everything exactly how I was supposed to and I'm exactly where I am 'mesnt' to be.

But at the same time in my head I can also imagine infinite ways I could have gotten to where I am so much more effectively and with so much more honor and integrity and efficiency.

I want to belive I'm perfect even when I'm fucking up, I want to belive I'm following some plan, but the plan has just been in my mind, couldn't I have actually forgiven myself and changed the plan of my life to be so much better?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the plan of my mind without question. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my mind the power of God over me where I follow my mind as if my mind is God and I must obey and am obliged to follow every command it dictates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I've simply been chasing and following my mind wanting to belive I am following some higher order which is no different then the belief in God calling sll the shots and having a greater plan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive that the ends justify the means that even when I'm abusing manipulating being evil that somehow I'm always right because I always follow my mind and my mind is my God having totally power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to follow my mind all the way to death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obideant and subservient to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself as what is best as I see it and realize it in each moment instead of justifying anything I do as best because my mind decrees it as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself myself my mind has a plan the same way people are convinced that God has a plan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress the evil truth of who I am within belief systems I unconsciously have been living.

Day 375- money

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not wanting money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry I've been entitled to money to such an itent that I have exspected it to always be given to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guitly that I do not want to work that hard for money,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my money being taken away from me.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to create a confusing relationship to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money not being given to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that participaing in the money system is participating in a system of abuse as it stands so you must create a system within yourself that doesn't abuse money but also understands you have to use it. 

I commit myself to walk with the groups who are directly inserting themselves into a position of having money so that I can particpate with money without having to blame myself for being in a abusive confusing relationship with money. 

Day 374

I have a point inside of myself that I have created to avoid being self-honest and taking self-responsibility.

I have gone to great extreme crazy lengths to focus and manipulate this point within myself to never have to actually be self-honest and take real self-responsibility. 

I have been fooling myself because within this point it always gives me the opportunity to keep lying about what really needs to be done, it allows me to do whatever the hell I want at any cost to my body, to my people in my life, to the world around me. 

I don't know how to explain this point any longer, I have no idea what I have been doing. 

No one has been able to sit me down and point out the abuse directly because I have needed to recognize it in my self and be self-honest about it for myself. 

This thing I have created I would keep chasing until the world is totally destroyed if I do not actually start intervening with myself. 

I don't ask effective questions within Desteni, I don't study the material, I have just been acting as a selfish rouge agent who thinks he is immune or not affected by the rules. 

I don't feel angry with myself, I don't regret what I have done or what I have created, but it is very clearly time to start properly aligning myself with Desteni. 

The only part of me that wants to be angry at myself is actually the part of me that wants to keep abusing. 

The part of me that is ready to surrender to self-honesty to what I really need to start doing in my life is perfectly clear and calm and stable. 

I don't judge myself for getting as loud, and as fucked up, and as fucking insane and manipulative as possible because at the end of the day no one in my direct environment has been harmed no on died no one is really going to give a crap if I keep being stupid or start taking things seriously or not. It's just on me for me a point I came to on my own and yet also with the support of those who have been standing for real. 

It's time to start actually learning and applying what self forgiveness is and means and how to do so effectively. 

I am shocked it took me so long to get to this point of self honesty, but I also am starting to understand there's been far more to the picture than I have been willing to look at. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully actually investigate what self forgiveness is and how to actually apply it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully investigate Desteni and what it represents and what the articles and material and people are all really saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time and energy feeling embarassed about the lengths it took me to get to one simple point of self honesty. 

I commit myself to figure out how the hell you actually apply and live self forgiveness.

I commit myself to figure out and study what Desteni is and how you actually live the words and message. 

I commit myself to come out of my own ass and actually stand up together with those who are willing and able to create a world that is best while also recognziing I can't just change it all on my own, I can't just change myself on my own. 

I commit myself to actually talk to people and ask questions even if I think that makes me seem stupid because what I have been doing has actually  been stupid, I am the stupidest person in the world, and it's time to make ammends with myself.