Day 383- the truth hurts

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate seeing the truth of how my intentions and my ideas of who I am and what I was creating of my life hasn't turned into anything but the worst version of myself possible.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty seeing what I have created of my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed seeing all the moments I could have lived better or differently but gave my mind as it's been designed power over me completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a victim of my own creation refusing to recognize the part of me still willing and able to stand and come to terms and make amends with myself and with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel persecuted where no one is bothering me no one is giving me a hard time except for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into confusion trying to figure out points outside of myself trying to manipulate everything outside of myself instead of looking within and being honest with myself and who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am as pathetic as demonic as beyond recovery or forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed by the lengths and suffering I have caused in myself and others just for me to come to terms with a point of honesty and forgiveness in my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to praise and worship the evil within myself justifying it as my right my creation my ownership.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate to get out of my consqyneves and what I have created and in such desperation and spite of myself creating even worse shit creating even more loss and pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my lack of knowledge and understanding on my creation on what I have become when I had opportunities to educate myself to have steered differently in my life course but was addicted to the path I have been on.

I commit myself to face the consequences I have created and to live with then.

I commit myself to stand here and now moving forward to prevent further abuse and hardship and manipulation tactics.

I commit myself to make the best of whatever life I still have left.