Day 379- Who is who?

 I have been so obsessed over rank and stature and levels of authority and power within my idea and concept of process that at this point I am completely besides myself and can barely recognize a person of having any value as who they are as a human being. 

That sucks. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself trying to figure out the value of every person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an idea of a persons value based on my own judgements in my head according to waht I see as giving a person value in their life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with everyone including myself going absolutely deeply into my mind desperately trying to assert myself as having power and authrotiy and so basing my idea of power and authority onto others where its my game and my idea of who is winning and losing in my head and so of course I always want to be the winner. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad that at this point I struggle to see the life in all people equally including myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry I have diminished my ability to simply be a real human being and not a totally completely self posessed mind system completely zombified. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind systems I have invented within myself are affecting anyone directly where everything is indirect it's not something I am actively doing it's something I have programmed so deeply wihtin myself and paid no attention to the fact tha I am doing it all the time in every single momennt in every moleclue inside of me my total absolute judgement of all of exsistence based on nothing but desire for ultimate power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be evil in relationship to what I have allowed of the way I see things and view things wihtout ever questioning the way or reason that I view things the way that I do. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear others hating me for the way that I have projected my mind onto the flesh of all including myself for my own sick gratitude. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for not educating myself further and in more dpeth to have reached a point of understanding where I might have caught myself developing these patterns before they have climaxed and reached a point where it is so deeply a part woven into my flesh and so deeply a part of who I am that It's unclear how much of it could ever actually be corrected and reversed in this lifetime. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I understand who I am and the nature and impact of my mind in my life and the life of thers far too late. 

I commit myself to keep studying the Desteni material, members, Techno Tutor members, self perfected message and members, to keep studying the material, applying the material, applying self forgiveness, using Techno Tutor, making sure that the time and lengths I have gone through to learn this lesson is not for nothing. 

I commit myself to stop judging who people are wihtin my mind and start seeing and hearing who they are for real wihtout judgement. 

I commit myself to investigate and consider who someone is to take into consideration their backround and thier research and understanding of any given topic without making assumtions of them one way or another. 

I commit myself to talk to people and discover who they really are as a person in thier life.