Day 385- Doing things i dont want to do

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself myself to procrastinate things that I do not want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing the things I need to do when I would actually enjoy doing thr things I need go be doing more than postponing or arguing my right to stay in further separation from responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself myself for not having the education to be able to support myself to walk through a point of neglect and postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the education system for spending so much or my time and energy and focus on discipline which did not resort in me becoming anything but the most lazy half hearted negligent adult I could possibly have become. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distarctedbbt the energy friction of separation within myself where I can avoid taking responsibility by distraction myself from taking responsibility by creating separation which creates energy friction within me that preoccupied the space within me that could be willed and directed to do the things I realize I should be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living a life that is totally scheduled and controlled and automatic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather create automatic separation within myself than to create automatic discipline and structure and responsibility. 

I forgive myself that I HAVE accepted and allowed myself to not have made my main priority taking on full responsibility instead of fucking around internally waiting for the internal point to be complete snd.then that internal point to drive my external point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that there will be a point where I will be able to magically change without having to physically apply myself to become effective in my direct environment.

I commit myself to become effective in my immidete environment.

I commit myself to balance my internal and external change. 

I commit myself to make my change real and directly visible and verifiable in my immidete environment.